13 reasons why - discussion thread

[mumstheword]

I tried to watch it. To triggering and annoying, for reasons stated above and a reason mentioned just yesterday in Swifts Chamber of Secrets, that I'm not willing to repeat. Plus I've lost too many friends to suicide.

 

[DharmaGirl]

The point was to show that your actions have consequences, I believe. That it's not ok to bully. That there isn't 1 reason why people suicide. I read the book also, they were both triggering, and only saw season 1, since I didn't know there was a season 2. I won't watch it since I thought season 1 was enough to get the point across.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I stopped watching it about 5 or so episodes in. About when the kid that's the star did something to the blond haired kid. I wasn't triggered. I just found it boring.

The point was to show that your actions have consequences, I believe. That it's not ok to bully.

No, it's not ok to bully but it's also not ok to say "it's your fault too that _____ killed themselves" which is what the star kid said to the Asian girl at the bural location. It's no one's fault that someone killed themselves and saying "it's your fault too" is a f*cked up thing to say to someone. That's about where I started to loose intrest. That pissed me off.

 

[Eliza]

Yeah - I kind of felt that season 2 spent the whole time trying to make up for the S1 backlash. Saying things like, “There are always more reasons why not”, and explaining that she also had mental health problems etc. And showing the kid that survived his attempt learning to live well again. The whole thing felt a little PSA tbh!

 

[DharmaGirl]

I wish they had focused on reasons rather than fault. Finding fault doesn't help anything. The first thing I always hear people say when someone suicides or tries, is why did they do it? There is no one reason why. My brother suicided and I still believe it was my fault, so I guess that's why it didn't bother me. I also experienced asking for help and being shot down when I was a child. More than once. So that resonated with me too. I didn't like the pointing fingers and the teenage drama, but if starts a conversation, that's a plus. I won't watch season two because of the over the top teenage drama, but I'm glad there was something said.

 

[ILoveLife]

I actually disagree with the notion that it's wrong to point fingers. If your actions towards another brings them to consider killing themselves instead of having to deal with it, its not the suicidal persons fault.
Suicidal ideation is brought on by extreme pain, by a glitch in the brain. And a lot of times the ways others behave towards us is what causes it. Environmental factors, right?

I see a lot of shaming on this thread towards the suicidal person but less on the actions that lead a person to suicide.
I find that sad, and wonder what blocks you from questioning the discomfort that the thought of others having responsibility over how others feel and deal with life when it's actually a fact since we live in society.

Most of us have ptsd because of what was done to us.
I have considered suicide due to what was done to me.
Is that a reason to be ashamed? No, and I won't admit anyone shaming me for it. Nor for me actually choosing to put the responsibility where it belongs.
The same people who want justice to fall on abusers say it isn't their fault if the abused can't handle the pain?
This is horrific.

For me the point of the show is exactly to show the disconnection we have with each other. The washing of hands of the responsibility our actions have on another person's will to live.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I see a lot of shaming on this thread towards the suicidal person but less on the actions that lead a person to suicide.

I don't see any shaming going on but a few things to remember. Suicide is a decision made by the person that commited suicide. Not one person can make me decide to do something. People can influence my decision but ultimately I make that decision. Telling others "it's your fault" or even "you are partially responsible" is taking all responsibility off the one that made the decision and putting it onto those that were around the person when the person was alive. That's horrible to do to someone. Especially when they are already blaming themselves. And, ultimately, it was the person's decision to take their own life. They made that choice on their own. No one can make you feel anything. You allow them that power. If you don't allow them that power then, guess what? They don't have that power. Took me years to figure that out but true nonetheless.

We are indeed responsible for how we treat others. But, ultimately, it is no one's fault that a person decided to kill themselves but the person that made that decision. Just like everyone is responsible for how they treat others. Equally, everyone is responsible for the decisions they make in life. Including killing oneself. And to push that responsibilty onto others is f*cked up in my opinion!

 

[joeylittle]

I don’t think it’s quite as black-and-white.

The most important awareness point (IMO) is understanding that our actions affect others and that the consequences can be dire. Accepting that we are capable of doing extreme, even fatal, damage.

If an abuser understood that, and accepted their responsibility as a human to be human to others - they might not abuse.

If the drunk driver understood that, they might not get behind the wheel.

And, if the suicidal teen understood that the bullies were wrong, they might not attempt.

It’s all ‘might’. We can’t really know. But hammering home the ramifications for cruelty committed by choice - that does support an overall shift in people’s awareness of others, and how many ways we can hurt each other.

The human animal is capable of staggering levels of cruelty. The only thing that keeps it in check is some kind of moral compass that tells us, inflicting pain is wrong. But we need to grasp the forms that dire pain comes in, in order to really grasp how to not do it.

I think part of the grieving process, following suicide, involves people wrestling with that very thing - “is it my fault?” At the end of the day, the answer is - humanity failed this person, in some way. It might be a big way - that they were a victim, and there was a perpetrator. Did that perp create the given circumstances that led to the suicide? Yes. They made inhuman choices.

More often, it’s small ways, and sometimes no-one can identify a way the person was failed, except to say that medical science hasn’t yet figured out how to alleviate that kind of pain. Or society hasn’t yet figured out how to help those who need help.

Suicide has devastatingly complex consequences for the living. It’s almost impossible to apply “it’s their choice” OR “they were driven to it”, 100%. It’s almost never that clear-cut.

And believing it’s that clear cut will never help the grieving move through their pain. They need to find their way through those feelings of guilt, in order to come out the other side having shed the guilt, or having come to terms with their own culpability - or both.

 

[Be Braver]

Idk if anyone has watched the show on Netflix as it can be extremely triggering. I'm an educator and feel the need to understand everything my students could be exposed to in order to help them. I'm an adult and I found it very hard to watch especially as someone who has gone through sexual assault. I don't know how I feel about it, and honestly I don't know what I want out of this post, but what are the thoughts on it. Is it weird when I want to continue to watch it despite my triggers because I want to defy my PTSD, but I use the excuse of "being informed" to do it? Idk.

 

[Abstract]

I think its quiet common to feel compelled to watch things we find triggering. Its a strange one. I could never quite understand what was happening for me. Sometimes understanding,sometimes expression, sometimes validation, sometimes reenacting in some way. Sometimes a wish for report and connection. To feel less alone in it. Maybe other things? Not sure. Just compelled.

 

[whiteraven]

However, the biggest issue I had with it, was the underlying motive behind the cassettes. Which blamed many people for her decision. The take away message from that..... ‘if someone in your life commits suicide, what role did you play in their decision to do so?’

I have only seen a couple of episodes, but I agree with this generally. But I think I see it as more of a depiction of how folks who plan to kill themselves often think. Esp. young people or people who are emotionally immature.