I do not human very well..why is support being reduced when i'm still feeling terrible?

[Stephernovas]

Therapist is out of town for a week here and there this month, and I was supposed to not see her this week, have an appt the following, and then she was supposed to be off again. I am not dependant on her, but the last session we had, I FINALLY opened up a little and am now actually interested in talking to her about stuff. #bummer

Physio is reducing me from twice a week, to once a week. Why? Because she believes I’m doing better. That’s all wonderful and everything, and I was quite motivated and optimistic all day about this.....until I got home from taking my nephews out to the movies and then I had a huge meltdown.

As of June 17th, it will be a complete year that I have been recovering from my accident. There are some small improvements, but I am nowhere near where I used to be. I really love learning about the body and was hardcore into health, fitness and wellness before my accident. I tried pulling out my old books to continue learning about personal training and all, and even just a short amount of studying has my concussion symptoms flaring up. It’s hard to think, and I’m nauseated for the evening. The following day I was highly irritable. I eventually gathered myself enough to get to the gym and complete the exercises physio have, but then shortly after I’m back to feeling awful. My brain feels overloaded and I’m nauseous again.

Please tell me why we are reducing my supports when I’m still feeling terrible? Also, tell me why the f*ck I’m even in this position? I am so angry and upset. I just spent the night crying, and I can no longer tell you what I’m upset about. Life seems so surreal and although I can fake human behaviours, I am empty inside.

The end.

 

[EveHarrington]

Could you compromise? Instead of once every 7 days/once a week (on average), go once every 5 days (which is between once a week and twice a week). It’s a slower taper down and gives you a little more support. :hug:

 

[Stephernovas]

Could you compromise? Instead of once every 7 days/once a week (on average), go once every 5 days...

Because worker’s comp is the one that approves it, it’s complicated. I feel like I’m being a bother, as I’ve already made a stink to physio about it. If I really pressed it, it seems like she’d apply for twice a week again but now I just feel like a bother.

Right now I want to stop everything and live in my bed

 

[EveHarrington]

Ahh I understand... Workers comp stuff isn’t easy to deal with!

Is it an option to just say fck it, I’m taking a break from the world and not getting out of bed for a few days? I don’t advise this on a long term basis, but sometimes my system just needs a reset and after I’ve had a few days of shutting out the world, I’m better able to regroup and take on things a bit better.

 

[Stephernovas]

Ahh I understand... Workers comp stuff isn’t easy to deal with!

Is it an option to just say f...

Unless I magically wake up tomorrow and have no recollection of this messy night, that is my plan. I don’t intend to do my exercises either. I know it’s only harming me, but whatever. I don’t feel worth it, and it’s reallt hard for me to muster the will to do it alone - hence why I started getting upset about them reducing physio. I’d prefer to keep her continued support bc she is amazing and I seem to thrive with her. I don’t get why people push those with PTSD or other mental health issues to “try harder”. I mean, if I could do this alone rn, I would. But I can’t, so I’d really like my physio to continue coaching me through safe recovery..am I really out of line here?

If I don’t have PTSD I think I’d be able to do more alone, as she believes I should. With PTSD, I’m crying as if she broke up with me

 

[EveHarrington]

No, I don’t think you’re out of line in the least!

Trying to wrap my head around the “try harder” stuff...I think that many don’t understand that at times it takes everything we’ve got just to accomplish the very basics of functioning. I’m famous for pushing myself too hard at times, and then I have to spend days recovering. It’s not so easy as “trying harder” when our bodies and minds can’t do what we want them to do, right?

I think if you’re pushing yourself forward in healing, even if it’s only slightly beyond your comfort zone, then you’re a success (even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time). Sometimes we can only handle a little bit, and that’s ok.

I really do understand how devastating it can feel to lose support...last year I lost a big source of support and it sent me into a downward spiral. I recently had a scare of losing my therapist and I was unhinged for quite a few days.

I guess what I’m saying is that it’s a good idea to take a time out when the world feels like it’s too much to handle. Engage in self care and do things that are comforting to you as you adjust to decreased physio visits.

:hug: