General Sometimes references to trauma ‘leak’ out

[Orangesfrompears]

Without realising, he’ll make references to his trauma. It comes up a lot. But it’s like he mentions it without mentioning it... if that makes any sense. To me it seems so apparent (I never point it out). It sort of leaks out of him daily sometimes.
Does this make any sense to anyone?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Yeah... it does.

If I had a nickel for every time the word "Iraq" comes up in my house, I'd be a rich mofo. I think it's just constantly on his mind, even when he doesn't want it to be.

 

[hithere]

as a sufferer I appreciate it when I leak stuff out about my traumas and my partner just kind of does nothing-but I know I was heard. They dont even look at me, but there is somehow a "silent acknowledgement" that I was heard. but no stopping to talk about it (or else I would probably flip out sideways) Glad my partner has good instincts about this

 

[OrangeJulius]

as a sufferer I appreciate it when I leak stuff out about my traumas and my partner just kind of does nothing

Glad to hear I've done something "right". Though I usually keep a straight face and ask "is there anything else you have to say/want to share?" "No." "Ok. What do you want for dinner?"

@Orangesfrompears the references make sense....but I don't follow if he's diagnosed and in treatment etc? Are you saying he doesn't see that he experienced trauma? Or he doesn't realize he talks about it frequently?

 

[Orangesfrompears]

Glad to hear I've done something "right". Though I usually keep a straight face and ask "is there...

He certainly knows he’s experienced trauma, I think also because it affects so much of his life (it was CSA).

No he isn’t diagnosed, and I’m aware the strong reaction to diagnosing people here. To justify my belief it is PTSD I’ll give examples, it it’s so clear to me, how he shuts everyone (or/and me) out for months or weeks , how he is always startled, how he needs to have locks on doors, how he feels a sense of no hope, how he protects others from getting close to him, how he sleeps so much and is exhausted, how switched off he can be and irritable, how he doesn’t remember things and doesn’t feels he has his wits.

He isn’t being treated. Like many men, it took him 20 years to disclose it happened at all. I hope he will get treatment.

 

[Never_falter2]

Does he know you hope that?

 

[anon1234]

All the time...at first I didn’t notice or realize it, some of it was so subtle. Now I am more attuned to understanding how he tries to communicate. Sometimes there are graphic descriptions (the army often comes up) but I’ve found many more things much more difficult to catch.

It’s not just about the trauma but also about his condition. It trickles through. I still find myself going back to conversations that we had several years ago and thinking “ahhh shit I missed that then, what’s going on now makes so much more sense.” Frustrating when it has been spelt out to you all along. But it’s in such small doses at times I feel I am only just beginning to put all the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle together. It’s also very cryptic at times. Something you thought was a throwaway remark a year ago that comes back around in conversation a year later.

 

[mamachick]

As a sufferer, I know it slips out, but not so much verbally. Im think it slips out through non verbal body language and unintentionally. My partner doesn't really acknowledge it. This leaves me feeling unacknowledged, but I don't want to talk about it anyway. Im not sure what I need at these times or in general, but it is NOT taking about it. What it feels like I need is to be held but we don't have any physical contact by my choice. Its not really my choice, but physical contact leads to sexual contact-which is part of the problem. I really envy those who can have this because lack of physical touch is very, very damaging to the human body. So much that I understand the new business of "cuddles" being pain for service. It sounds safe to me.

 

[Hojay]

My guy “leaks” too, albeit in a somewhat explosive way at times. He will outright say he doesn’t want to talk about his trauma, which I fully respect, but will come out with some pretty stark details in moments of anger or hurt. It’s somewhat confusing because I’ve trained myself to not ask any questions or make a “big deal” out of information he’s shared, but when he mentions these things it’s almost as if he wants me to have a strong reaction. If I don’t, and I react a little too calmly, he says I don’t care or I’m not “there for him.” Sometimes you can’t win. I chalk this up to his own conflicted way of dealing: repression versus confrontation and healing. Repression doesn’t work for long, so “leaking” is to be expected. I think he wants to share and wants to have a witness to his pain, but he also, well, doesn’t.

 

[Orangesfrompears]

Does he know you hope that?

No... maybe... there hasn’t been a moment where it’s been ok to verbalise this... and I wouldn’t want him to feel that’s what I want... cos it isn’t my right... it’s his choice. I do think I have a responsibility to make it clear that therapy (in whatever form) could be an option to him.

 

[Mach123]

My wife saw before I did maybe my fighting an unseen foe. After therapy started we had words for it. Looking back I think anyone should have seen it like how could you miss it? But lots of therapists did even while I was acting it out and trying desperately to tell and not to tell.

 

[Never_falter2]

Could you perhaps say that you have been thinking and you thought maybe it could help him and how he thinks about it. So not telling him to go there but simply asking questions.