Fancy Dancy
New Here
I was holding my breath reading this. I'm glad you're okay. My severe PTSD is from a "military man", whose episodes drive him close to murder.
Remember: YOU are NOT responsible for HIS feelings. YOU are responsible for YOUR feelings, and how you choose to react and respond. Same goes for him. YOU don't make him miserable. To tell a spouse "You make me miserable" is manipulative- red flag.
You are also responsible for your children, and for your and their safety.
My internal alarm bells are going off. Luckily my ex was only able to hold his trainwreck back for a year before it came out. And as he got more and more volatile, I excused it because of his trauma.
Disorders, syndroms, and diagnoses are NOT excuses for toxic behavior and abuse. Do NOT excuse him because of what he's been through. He may need help, but if he's hurting you physically, emotionally, or psychologically, you're not the one whose going to be able to help him.
My ex reached a point where he could no longer avoid directing his self-hatred at me. His words were always "It's you", but I know that I did no wrong against him. He was talking, likewise, to a early 20's gal (with severe autism, I found it manipulative and disturbing). I found photos (not nude, but still 'sexy') on his phone of her, she called him constantly, texted constantly, and actually would call MY phone if she couldn't reach him. He started disappearing when not working and I know in my heart he was sleeping around. There was another gal, too, from his work. He started falling into porn addiction, started spreading ridiculous lies about me, accusing me of stealing and cheating on him, and just generally being an insane human being; all in conjuction with sexual abuse, controlling behaviors, and mounting threats of physical violence.
All of his issues were rooted in self-hate. He's a sociopath, psychopath, narcissist, wife-beater, and many other toxic things. It's not his PTSD that makes him be this way. It's all rooted in self-hate. No one made him like this. No one caused him to be like this. Just as you have not caused your husband to feel this way, to want to kill himself, to want to kill you. YOU are not the problem here.
Anways, that's what my emotions want to stress.
I personally am of the disposition these days of "you don't owe anyone anything, if they're being toxic, get out- now."
I can't put myself in your shoes; a long-standing marriage with children. But I can put myself in the shoes of a woman trying to love a broken man, trying to save him, trying to excuse him, and ending up severely broken from it myself. It's been 7 years since I left and I still have rdebilitating PTSD from the things he did. I should've left at the first sign of violence. I should've let when his episodes of screaming started. I shouldn't have excused him or thought I could somehow pull him through it.
Remember: YOU are NOT responsible for HIS feelings. YOU are responsible for YOUR feelings, and how you choose to react and respond. Same goes for him. YOU don't make him miserable. To tell a spouse "You make me miserable" is manipulative- red flag.
You are also responsible for your children, and for your and their safety.
My internal alarm bells are going off. Luckily my ex was only able to hold his trainwreck back for a year before it came out. And as he got more and more volatile, I excused it because of his trauma.
Disorders, syndroms, and diagnoses are NOT excuses for toxic behavior and abuse. Do NOT excuse him because of what he's been through. He may need help, but if he's hurting you physically, emotionally, or psychologically, you're not the one whose going to be able to help him.
My ex reached a point where he could no longer avoid directing his self-hatred at me. His words were always "It's you", but I know that I did no wrong against him. He was talking, likewise, to a early 20's gal (with severe autism, I found it manipulative and disturbing). I found photos (not nude, but still 'sexy') on his phone of her, she called him constantly, texted constantly, and actually would call MY phone if she couldn't reach him. He started disappearing when not working and I know in my heart he was sleeping around. There was another gal, too, from his work. He started falling into porn addiction, started spreading ridiculous lies about me, accusing me of stealing and cheating on him, and just generally being an insane human being; all in conjuction with sexual abuse, controlling behaviors, and mounting threats of physical violence.
All of his issues were rooted in self-hate. He's a sociopath, psychopath, narcissist, wife-beater, and many other toxic things. It's not his PTSD that makes him be this way. It's all rooted in self-hate. No one made him like this. No one caused him to be like this. Just as you have not caused your husband to feel this way, to want to kill himself, to want to kill you. YOU are not the problem here.
Anways, that's what my emotions want to stress.
I personally am of the disposition these days of "you don't owe anyone anything, if they're being toxic, get out- now."
I can't put myself in your shoes; a long-standing marriage with children. But I can put myself in the shoes of a woman trying to love a broken man, trying to save him, trying to excuse him, and ending up severely broken from it myself. It's been 7 years since I left and I still have rdebilitating PTSD from the things he did. I should've left at the first sign of violence. I should've let when his episodes of screaming started. I shouldn't have excused him or thought I could somehow pull him through it.