Afraid of sleeping when PTSD kicks in. I think it's because I want to be able to control my environment at all times, to feel safe.

[LanaD]

So I have this problem with my majorly D-bag landlord, and things were ok for a little while there, but the scumbag is back to making my life hell. What I've noticed is that I'm afraid of falling asleep and I've been trying to figure out why: I think it's because I want to be able to control my situation as much as possible, because that waste of space of a man doesn't respect my space AT.ALL. and the local authorities do not care, either, even though they said what he did is illegal!

I can't move right now, so I feel stuck in this awful situation, with this garbage of a man who treats me like doo and I have zero protection or help from the channels that are supposed to protect me and my supposed rights (big laugh there) - and before anyone starts criticizing the US, no, this isn't America we're talking about, it's Japan. I'm a foreigner here so it's like I have no rights (I'm starting to realize that Americans have looooots of rights).

So I have a hard time falling asleep. I've lost about 10lbs in the past couple of weeks, and have aged a good 10 years in as much time. I have stress hives popping up on my skin. It's not that I feel unsafe here, really, but more like without protection - it's hard to explain. A few bad things have happened here but the authorities do nothing AT.ALL. Japan is a ball-less country.

 

[littleoc]

Sorry to hear this...

To best control your situation, it would probably be best to find somewhere to move to. I know you said you couldn’t, but look at your situation and shuffle around, because this is clearly not helpful to you.

 

[EveHarrington]

Unfortunately many Americans don’t realize just how many rights and privileges they have IN America until they go to a foreign country.

Maybe the best course of action is to take the radical acceptance route since there isn’t much you can do about the situation?

 

[joeylittle]

It's not that I feel unsafe here, really, but more like without protection - it's hard to explain.

Can you talk more about your fears, in terms of what you are afraid of/how much of that is reasonable, and how much is PTSD-influenced? It's likely to be some of both, and you'll need to address both, separately. But breaking the issues apart would be a good place to start.

 

[Friday]

You know... this really is one of those PTSD Postsr Child Posts. You literally have almost every single symptom set all combining and feeding off of each other to reach the end result of No Sleep.

Which gives you a huge edge. Because you can come at this problem in a lot of different ways.

Cognitive Distortions & Core Values
- Must be in control of environment at all times to feel safe.
- Must feel safe to sleep.
- Am supposed to be protected from others by others

Avoidance
- Avoiding Sleep to Avoid feeling loss of control to Avoid feeling unsafe to Avoid trauma reminders

Anxiety Panic Hypervig
- This seems like maybe a secondary response to all of the above, ie it’s being used to keep you awake/ feeling in control & in response to not feeling in control & not feeling safe, ...but clearly through the roof right now.

Dysreg
- Ditto, and likely to become more dysregulated the longer the anxiety & no sleep continue.

Plus anything else I may have missed, or any disassociation that’s tying itself in but not mentioned.

So if the stressor itself, an asshole landlord in a foreign country, can’t be dealt with differently right now... is there anything about your reactions to that stressor, and how you’re managing your stress & symptoms, that you can come at?

 

[Ronin]

And you are sure this is a landlord being in your space and douchebag... on intention?
As in could not be a cultural misunderstanding between two very varied cultures, and him not meaning you any harm, or possibly not aware what he is doing he should not be doing?

And when you say the authorities do nothing at all... what concretely you have reported & what do you want them to do (and the other question, if that would even be the way they operate there, because while the same protective forces as police, competences and protocols will likely vary by culture and local both law and customs.)

 

[LanaD]

Sorry to hear this...

To best control your situation, it would probably be best to find somewhere to move to. I know you said you couldn’t, but look at your situation and shuffle around, because this is clearly not helpful to you.

I've actually been looking around a bit but no go so far. It's such a draining experience. It's a catch-22.

Unfortunately many Americans don’t realize just how many rights and privileges they have IN America until they go to a foreign country.

Maybe the best course of action is to take the radical acceptance route since there isn’t much you can do about the situation?

Thanks, Eve! I've been trying everything. I thought, "OK, let's just deal with it" and things were ok for a couple weeks, then the D-bag picked up on his D-baggery again and it was back to square one. But you're right, if I can't change this right now, or trying to change takes more energy than I can generate, then best to work on acceptance and think of it as a temporary situation.

It's really interesting how sitting here alone all these things occur to me but it's all in a kind of cloud of smoke. Sometimes I physically feel like I'm falling like Alice in Wonderland.

And yes, Americans are very, very lucky IN America!

Can you talk more about your fears, in terms of what you are afraid of/how much of that is reasonable, and how much is PTSD-influenced? It's likely to be some of both, and you'll need to address both, separately. But breaking the issues apart would be a good place to start.

Thanks, Joeylittle! Good question. So things I'm afraid of:

-D-bag landlord having installed cameras in my room. Not an unreasonable fear in pervert-ridden Japan. Not really PTSD related, I guess, but maybe in a way? It makes me feel really exposed and disrespected. I did inspect some places but didn't see any cameras but the thought of them being somewhere freaks me out immensely.
-Feeling unprotected as in, if something were to happen there would be nothing I can do and nobody would help me. Actually, something did happen in another place I was living here: my roommate physically assaulted me in my own room and neither the landlord nor police did a thing. So I figure that if my current landlord were to come in here and decide to toss my stuff out of the window there would be nothing I could do. Funny enough, I don't actually fear him attacking me or assaulting me. Typing this all out here it seems, then, that my fear might be unreasonable but it's SO strong!
-I don't feel at home here - how could I?! Not feeling at home makes me feel really enormously horrible, like I'm not safe. Trying to feel the fear now, it's like I'm afraid a gang of men are going to storm my room at any moment. It's too scary to think about what they might do. I guess this is unreasonable, but part of me thinks it's very reasonable. When I think about this I think about the apartment I lived when I was assaulted and how I ended up homeless. It's overwhelming so I'll stop here.

You know... this really is one of those PTSD Postsr Child Posts. You literally have almost every single symptom set all combining and feeding off of each other to reach the end result of No Sleep.

Which gives you a huge edge. Because you can come at this problem in a lot of different ways.

Cognitive Distortions & Core Values
- Must be in control of environment at all times to feel safe.
- Must feel safe to sleep.
- Am supposed to be protected from others by others

Avoidance
- Avoiding Sleep to Avoid feeling loss of control to Avoid feeling unsafe to Avoid trauma reminders

Anxiety Panic Hypervig
- This seems like maybe a secondary response to all of the above, ie it’s being used to keep you awake/ feeling in control & in response to not feeling in control & not feeling safe, ...but clearly through the roof right now.

Dysreg
- Ditto, and likely to become more dysregulated the longer the anxiety & no sleep continue.

Plus anything else I may have missed, or any disassociation that’s tying itself in but not mentioned.

So if the stressor itself, an asshole landlord in a foreign country, can’t be dealt with differently right now... is there anything about your reactions to that stressor, and how you’re managing your stress & symptoms, that you can come at?

Thanks, Friday! I've been trying to manage my reactions. I talk to myself sometimes and say, "It's ok. Nobody's going to hurt you now." But as soon as something happens (generally, he comes into the house and does as he pleases) I go back to freaking out. So I tried to be like, "Ok, he's touching stuff but he's not touching you, so just take it easy." It works for a little while but then he'll come here and do some other stuff and then I'm off again. I started meditating a bit again, but I've this feeling that the D-bag is going to burst into my room so I can't quite focus.

I've been going out quite a bit, meeting up with the few friends I have and meeting new people. It definitely helps. But back in the house, it's tough. I'm sure there's more I can do but when I find myself in that cloud of fear it's hard to think.

I'm so grateful for this site and for all you guys helping me here. You all make me feel like I'm not alone and give me strength to carry on! Thank you!

 

[EveHarrington]

Is Japan more pervert ridden than the USA?

 

[LanaD]

And you are sure this is a landlord being in your space and douchebag... on intention?
As in could not be a cultural misunderstanding between two very varied cultures, and him not meaning you any harm, or possibly not aware what he is doing he should not be doing?

And when you say the authorities do nothing at all... what concretely you have reported & what do you want them to do (and the other question, if that would even be the way they operate there, because while the same protective forces as police, competences and protocols will likely vary by culture and local both law and customs.)

I've lived in several countries and am well aware of cultural differences. I did my research and even asked Japanese people about this and every single one of them was like, "No, this is not normal. People in Japan do not go into other people's space." Thing is, I talked to him about it and even explained about the PTSD. He doesn't care and even insulted Americans because I was direct in telling him I don't want anyone in my room without my consent. The only cultural misunderstanding is that I actually thought I had rights even though I'm a foreigner but seems I was mistaken. The man doesn't respect me, and I guess he knows that Japanese laws tend to protect the Japanese so he does whatever he wants.

I called whatever institution/organization/helpline I was recommended plus whatever I found online. I learned that it's illegal for a landlord to enter a tenant's rented space and punishment for that is jail time. I wanted the police to contact him and tell him he was in the wrong and there would be consequences if he did it again, because apparently that's the protocol, but then I got all the excuses that he's old blah blah blah. They also said he's free to go into the common areas whenever, even though I'm the only person living in the house right now.

And guess what, as I type the mofo's in the house again!!!

Is Japan more pervert ridden than the USA?

Oh, yes. To give you an idea, the government had to pass a law forbidding the purchase of school girls' dirty underwear. You have to be 18, I think, to sell your dirty underwear.

On the flip side, I feel really safe walking down the street no matter what time of day or night. I leave my stuff unattended at cafes while I go to the toilet and, knock on wood, nobody touches it. There are many wonderful things here, but pervs are a dime a dozen!

 

[LanaD]

Thank you all for your support! Thanks to you I came up with a strategy for now: I've a very large and sweet western male friend, so I decided to just ask him if I can call him should I need help. He said of course! Feels like I've a tiny bit of protection for now. Reached out to a real estate agent, too. Btw, therapy isn't an option right now because no English speaking therapists are covered by insurance.

Working on strengthening my mindset based on the fruits of this thread.

Again, thank you! I'd still love to read any more comments anyone has. If I'm falling like Alice down the hole then I'm sitting at a little floating table for now.

 

[LanaD]

Hi again,

So I assessed my fears and worries and in my rational brain I've concluded that chances are very low my landlord or anyone's going to harm me in any way while I'm home. BUT it's still really difficult to stay calm when I hear my landlord coming into the house unannounced, or when I come home and see he has been here.

I try to talk myself out of what seems like overreaction and it has been making things a smidge better but for the most part I'm still in full panic mode. I feel like I'd only get better right now if someone was with me here, but that's not possible. I can't even cry because I'm not relaxed enough, if you know what I mean.

 

[littleoc]

That’s really great that you’re trying to calm yourself a bit. I wish I had advice about the living alone part, but all I can think of is you getting a pet, which wouldn’t necessarily help your situation. But I am supporting you nonetheless