Seen by accident child porn video. Can I have PTSD now?

[Deleted member 47491]

Hi guys! I would like to ask for information about my problem. It began after having seen by accident a child porn video (I thought it was a normal movie, in the beginning) about 12 months ago. Then, I got anxiety due to the possible consequences that what happened could lead to (being reported, etc.). I'm suffering insomnia and very strong anxiety. I also had obsessions about I could be sexually attracted by children, but these obsessions disappeared. The actual problem is that, especially in the evening, when i see a child (on TV, etc.) or hear something that triggers me, I begin to have difficulty breathing, or similar symptoms, that will pass after 3-4 hours if i don't panic. After 2sessions with my psychotherapist ,It was diagnosed as obsessive-compulsive disorder , but I'm not sure she's completly right.
Do you think that it could be PTSD? Can you help me?
I apologise for my English

 

[Chris-duck]

It doesn't sound like PTSD, unless there was some critA trauma prior to this. I don't know you but it sounds more like OCD to me too, what makes you think it's PTSD over OCD?

 

[Deleted member 47491]

I've never had trauma or psychological problems before this (I'm 21).
I think it could be PTSD, because I'm pretty sure I answered with certainty to my obsessions (about being attracted or not), that I don't have anymore... but I still have anxiety problems. it's also true that I do not have any kind of nightmare, reliving trauma or something like that.
Thanks for replying

 

[Chris-duck]

One of the criteria for a PTSD diagnosis is a specific type of trauma along with specific symptoms resulting from that. I understand you feel anxious about this, but it doesn't fit PTSD. Saying that though, if you don't feel like OCD fits either, go back to the psychiatrist and talk it through with them. Take care :)

 

[Deleted member 47491]

Thank you, have a good day!

 

[Swift]

Hi mate.
I'm sorry for the pain you're going through.
I apologise for being a bit forward, I guess, but -
Have you seen a doctor about depression and anxiety, and obsessive thoughts maybe?
Do you currently have access to healthcare?

I hope you do.
I wonder what's going on that the link between "child porn" and "trauma" crossed your mind?
Sometimes our brains don't always make sense to us, but there are a few possibilities there.

None of us can guess if what you saw is part of a bigger picture or not.

As @Chris-duck said, PTSD involves criteria, like any diagnosis does. It doesn't mean what's happening to you isn't valid or painful, just that it may not be PTSD.

 

[Abstract]

Hi,
Like the others said, it doesn't sound like PTSD. You haven't mentioned either relevant experiences or symptoms.

On the OCD question front: I think it may be wise seeing a proper psychiatrist for a formal diagnosis. You may well be experiencing anxiety when you see reminders of what you saw. I think thats probably pretty normal in sense. If you have experienced anything related to what you saw in real life in your past then do mention it to your dr.

 

[frogthroat]

Hi, I have a question. Please don't get upset I'm not trying to start a war but how do you "accidently" see child porn? Even if you're using a browser like TOR to use the deep web (basically the internet from 1996) you have to actively look for it. Unless you're clicking random links on the deep web (which you should never do) you should be able to avoid it pretty easily even there.
I've been on plenty of porn sites on the regular web and have never come across child porn and that's in 17 years of being a sad, lonely masturbator. Even back in the days of AOL and dial up I never came across child porn and I was looking up some really hardcore bondage porn. I even went on Rotten.com and other unsavory websites because I was an edgelord and never saw one sexual image of a child.
What I'm asking is did you have a curiosity and then found it and see that it's horrible and now you feel guilty? If you think you might have an attraction to children you need help but it's not PTSD. I'm not here to throw stones but if you're experiencing this you should really seek professional help.

 

[Missycat]

Im not a doctor or mental health expert but it doesnt sound like ptsd to me. Someone can have an awful experience and also suffer from anxiety ocd etc without it neccessarily having to be ptsd.
If you feel you need help and are struggling then it would be advisable to go back to your doc and review treatment options.
You can google ptsd symptoms and there may even be an online questionnaire to give you some insight.
Good luck on your healing journey

 

[Deleted member 47491]

Thanks to all those who responded, I really appreciate it!

@RuffledFeathers I downloaded a file which was renamed from emule.

However, things got better since the beginning. I don’t use sleeping pills or benzos anymore. On average, now, I have troubles falling asleep 1-2 nights per week

 

[Swift]

I wonder if you'd be interested in donating to an anti-child abuse material charity, and whether that might help assuage some of your guilt if this truly is a one-off mistake. Sometimes I do that when I'm worked up about the fact there are pictures of me in that sort of video. It does help a bit.

If it's not, and I have no reason to believe it isn't, but please get help. There are options and treatments available.

 

[Elef]

I think it is normal to feel anxious when you think about the consequences of downloading child abuse material. The anxiety has paired with seeing things that remind you of what you did. I don't think that means you have a mental health condition of any kind. It might be helpful to work on accepting what happened and the possible consequences. You could always report yourself...that would at least bring everything to a conclusion. Personally I think you are experiencing a completely normal reaction in the circumstances.

Edit: I am not suggesting what you did was not an accident, and I acknowledge that it would have been distressing to see.