Anger - problems with neighbour

[Deleted member 44579]

I'm having major problems with my upstairs neighbour. Still... And my housing association are not helping. This man is an acholoic and does not have a life. He stays in all day. No friends... Nothing but he sure enjoys banging loudly for hours when he is drunk.
I've tried to speak to him... He won't answer his door. I've complained about him... Nothing happens.

I can't handle it anymore... I get angry bang loudly and shout up at him... Bastard, c*nt... I feel my stress levels going through the roof.

I burst into tears in a shop yesterday... My ptsd is very hard for me... The next few months, but I'm aware my anger could launch... And if I saw him... I might lose control.... I don't want to live here anymore.

Has anyone else had a neighbour like this?...
Im on housing assistance for my ptsd...i feel trapped...

 

[littleoc]

Sort of.

I was terrified of my little brother’s temper and would dissociate when I was very unwell. Meanwhile, he’d also get insanely triggered by my reaction, making everything worse and scarier for both of us. It was pretty bad.

In university, and I don’t really like talking about this (despite meaning to for several months now in my trauma diary), I had a female neighbor who was sexually abusing her boyfriend and would party loudly, and the people in charge took witnessing something I dragged them to to start believing me. It was hard. I wasn’t allowed to move at the time.

One thing I did for the little brother was try to tune it out. I bought headphones, wore only one so I could feel safe. Then I reminded myself over and over that just because but my little bro lost his temper didn’t mean he was going to come after me. It didn’t mean he was mad at me. It didn’t mean I was in danger.

I tried building a tiny safe space (a blanket fort) with neat things like books. It worked pretty well, though the good mood could be fragile when the banging sounds started.

I would go for runs, take sedatives, and do some art.

It helped a little.

I’m sorry you feel trapped.

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Sort of.

I was terrified of my little brother’s temper and would dissociate when I was very unwell. Meanwhile, he’d also get insanely triggered by my reaction, making everything worse and scarier for both of us. It was pretty bad.

In university, and I don’t really like talking about this (despite meaning to for several months now in my trauma diary), I had a female neighbor who was sexually abusing her boyfriend and would party loudly, and the people in charge took witnessing something I dragged them to to start believing me. It was hard. I wasn’t allowed to move at the time.

One thing I did for the little brother was try to tune it out. I bought headphones, wore only one so I could feel safe. Then I reminded myself over and over that just because but my little bro lost his temper didn’t mean he was going to come after me. It didn’t mean he was mad at me. It didn’t mean I was in danger.

I tried building a tiny safe space (a blanket fort) with neat things like books. It worked pretty well, though the good mood could be fragile when the banging sounds started.

I would go for runs, take sedatives, and do some art.

It helped a little.

I’m sorry you feel trapped.

Thankyou for sharing.. That sounds really bad. I'm sorry that happened to you. I go down the beech alot... And I've put in a massive complaint against my housing association...

 

[littleoc]

That’s something :)

I wouldn’t rely on it, but I do hope it works!

 

[Justmehere]

Is it an option to move to another unit away from his?

I’d suggest seeing if there is a low cost legal clinic in your area that might do a free consult about the matter. Certain levels of noise and disruption could possibly be considered a constructive eviction on your unit, and perhaps there is a way to require the association move one of you to another unit. Perhaps you could videotape the noise, and help others understand.

In the meantime, maybe try finding an interpretation of the matter that includes compassion. Not because he deserves it, but because it might help keep you out of getting out of control with anger.

Example: there is a fence behind my place that drunk college kids like to loudly tear down at 2am. On weeknights.

It used to piss me off. A lot. Now? While I videotape it for my landlord, which helps me feel like there is something I can do about the problem, I try to think of interpretations that don’t get me pissed. Like oh, that kid is so stressed about exams because maybe his father gives him hell for a B and he got drunk and apparently doesn’t understand anymore that’s not a gate. Or maybe that girl is a trauma survivor and she’s trying to drown out pain and in her pain she is being stupid...

I mean, that’s not super compassionate, but it keeps me from yelling at drunk idiots at 2am and getting myself into trouble.

I wouldn’t suggest continuing to bang and try to talk to him while drunk. People in that place are not really reasonable and there isn’t much you can do.

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Is it an option to move to another unit away from his?

I’d suggest seeing if there is a low cost legal clinic in your area that might do a free consult about the matter. Certain levels of noise and disruption could possibly be considered a constructive eviction on your unit, and perhaps there is a way to require the association move one of you to another unit. Perhaps you could videotape the noise, and help others understand.

In the meantime, maybe try finding an interpretation of the matter that includes compassion. Not because he deserves it, but because it might help keep you out of getting out of control with anger.

Example: there is a fence behind my place that drunk college kids like to loudly tear down at 2am. On weeknights.

It used to piss me off. A lot. Now? While I videotape it for my landlord, which helps me feel like there is something I can do about the problem, I try to think of interpretations that don’t get me pissed. Like oh, that kid is so stressed about exams because maybe his father gives him hell for a B and he got drunk and apparently doesn’t understand anymore that’s not a gate. Or maybe that girl is a trauma survivor and she’s trying to drown out pain and in her pain she is being stupid...

I mean, that’s not super compassionate, but it keeps me from yelling at drunk idiots at 2am and getting myself into trouble.

I wouldn’t suggest continuing to bang and try to talk to him while drunk. People in that place are not really reasonable and there isn’t much you can do.

Thankyou for your thoughts.... I've already decided its time to move... And I don't want to live in a city anymore. I will find away to do this and at least I can go to a place where its peaceful.. And beautiful. I think if I didn't have this I would go crazy.