chiara vietto
Bronze Member
My cPTSD husban of 20 years started to be syntomatic a year or so ago, and just yelled me get the f**** out of the house or was silent for 6 months, then asked me to sig e the house back to him for 10 dollars, see my previous posts...finally I moved out ..because despite me giving space and not taking the bait In the fights he still considered me the perpetrator and behaved a abusive with me ( mentally not fiscally, but in many ways resembling his father)
After 10 days of me moving out of our house he finally agreed with the lawyer for giving me a monetary compensation in exchange of me signing the house him. I had to make the offer, it a generous offer, but it better than nothing (he asked me to sign for 10 dollars). It it something he could agreed to without having to fight him court. Initially, I had told him that I wouldn't move out of my house until we had signed a financial agreement, but because I have been waiting for almost a year, I decided to move out in anyway. When I told him, that I was moving out he was mad and told me not to take anything because I never paid for anything..
I had collected some of the receipts and copies of payments , but I decided not to show them to him, because there wasn't any point in me doing that. Few weeks ago I had left on the counter the credit card bills shawing the payments I always made to the cleaning service and he called me passive aggressive??He knows what my contribution was, maybe not enough for him as he sees me as the enemy taking advantage of him.
How do I find healing? Thinking that 20 years of a loving relationship came down to him shouting at me f***ng b***ch get out of the house I hate you???
This was 10 months ago , then he went silent, and then after 6 months of not talking to me, he told me that the yelling and crazy outburst were due to him not being able to regulate himself due to his anger towards me..??
He couldn't say why he was and is still angry with me..??
His abusive family told him 2 years ago the they wouldn't talk to him anymore if he didn't make peace with his older brother (he hasn't talked to his brother for last 20 years).
The father (perpetrator), told him the he wanted him to make peace with his brother 5 years ago, after me and my husband bought our new home togheter..the father was visiting here at the time with the mother..they had been giving him some money for the down payment. After 3 years of the father not talking or visiting him anymore also the mother ( anabler never left her abusive husband to protect herself and kids) and the siste stop calling him. Almost 2 years ago for Thanksgiving day the sister played a prank on him and put him on the phone with his brother pretending to be someone else...I remember that my husband was livid his neck was swollen and ruined Thanksgiving day for us..and it was all downhill from there.
Now the sister is starting to call him again, I asked her to call him (because he loves her sister very much), and I told her to be nice with him and not to yell at him if he refuse to do what his father asked him to do.
The sister who doesn't have a job, depends on the abusive father for money and justify her father behavior..(which is still abusive) .and now blames more her mother...She is 10 year older than my husband...and never did anything to protect my husband (like calling social services).
Now I think that the sister is happy that me and my husband broke up, and she is sending him little gifts.(alchohol, she doesn't drink and used to blame my husband for drinking some)....and she is not answering my calls anymore..(my husband always told me that one day he will have to support his sister).
What I am asking is how do I come to terms that my husband sees me as the perpetrator...
And basically is still trapped in the cycle of abuse..
I don't where all these years of love and support have gone..??
Thanks..
After 10 days of me moving out of our house he finally agreed with the lawyer for giving me a monetary compensation in exchange of me signing the house him. I had to make the offer, it a generous offer, but it better than nothing (he asked me to sign for 10 dollars). It it something he could agreed to without having to fight him court. Initially, I had told him that I wouldn't move out of my house until we had signed a financial agreement, but because I have been waiting for almost a year, I decided to move out in anyway. When I told him, that I was moving out he was mad and told me not to take anything because I never paid for anything..
I had collected some of the receipts and copies of payments , but I decided not to show them to him, because there wasn't any point in me doing that. Few weeks ago I had left on the counter the credit card bills shawing the payments I always made to the cleaning service and he called me passive aggressive??He knows what my contribution was, maybe not enough for him as he sees me as the enemy taking advantage of him.
How do I find healing? Thinking that 20 years of a loving relationship came down to him shouting at me f***ng b***ch get out of the house I hate you???
This was 10 months ago , then he went silent, and then after 6 months of not talking to me, he told me that the yelling and crazy outburst were due to him not being able to regulate himself due to his anger towards me..??
He couldn't say why he was and is still angry with me..??
His abusive family told him 2 years ago the they wouldn't talk to him anymore if he didn't make peace with his older brother (he hasn't talked to his brother for last 20 years).
The father (perpetrator), told him the he wanted him to make peace with his brother 5 years ago, after me and my husband bought our new home togheter..the father was visiting here at the time with the mother..they had been giving him some money for the down payment. After 3 years of the father not talking or visiting him anymore also the mother ( anabler never left her abusive husband to protect herself and kids) and the siste stop calling him. Almost 2 years ago for Thanksgiving day the sister played a prank on him and put him on the phone with his brother pretending to be someone else...I remember that my husband was livid his neck was swollen and ruined Thanksgiving day for us..and it was all downhill from there.
Now the sister is starting to call him again, I asked her to call him (because he loves her sister very much), and I told her to be nice with him and not to yell at him if he refuse to do what his father asked him to do.
The sister who doesn't have a job, depends on the abusive father for money and justify her father behavior..(which is still abusive) .and now blames more her mother...She is 10 year older than my husband...and never did anything to protect my husband (like calling social services).
Now I think that the sister is happy that me and my husband broke up, and she is sending him little gifts.(alchohol, she doesn't drink and used to blame my husband for drinking some)....and she is not answering my calls anymore..(my husband always told me that one day he will have to support his sister).
What I am asking is how do I come to terms that my husband sees me as the perpetrator...
And basically is still trapped in the cycle of abuse..
I don't where all these years of love and support have gone..??
Thanks..
