News Ariana Grande groped at Aretha Franklin's funeral - by a bishop - in front of the cameras. I am disgusted!

[LanaD]

NOTE: not sure sexual assault victims want to see the video. It certainly activated my PTSD.

Guys, I am so grossed out, absolutely disgusted by the video I just saw. The singer Ariana Grande, who I don't even know much about, is groped by a bishop pretending to be hugging her at the pulpit or stage or whatever at Aretha Franklin's funeral. The disgusting man is pretending to hug her while actually grabbing her boob. I am absolutely appalled.

Ms. Grande looks scared and keeps trying to get away from the gross creep - nobody comes to her aid and she obviously doesn't want to make a scene. It is just AWFUL.

It got me thinking, how many of us go through this all the time? This should not be normal! And what's worse is all the people defending the piece of doo because "he's a man of God"!!! WTF!!! This is NEVER, EVER EVER EVER EVER ok no matter who the heck you think you are.

 

[Justmehere]

The comment about her name that he made while holding her wasn’t great either. He compared her name to a Taco Bell special. He apology was weak. “Maybe I crossed a line...”

Dude. Ya done wrong. Just say you are sorry.

 

[Sideways]

So, I’ve watched footage of the ‘groping’, and tbh, I had to watch a few different channels because I was having trouble seeing what the issue was. His hand was too high up.

He has “sincerely apologised”, on camera.

To me, I have trouble getting outraged by this. His hand was in a bad spot, and he has apologised, publicly. That’s a good outcome to what seems like a fairly minor oopsie to me.

I understand that everyone is going to feel differently about this, and I can absolutely understand that some people will find this really unacceptable. Personally, this seems like a good news story to me. His hand was in the wrong spot, he got called out on it, and he apologised publicly and promptly. That, to me, is a success.

I think it’s important that we recognise that cultural norms are shifting, and people aren’t gonna get it right first time all the time. This isn’t an assault, it’s an oopsie, and to me, that is significant. There is a difference between sexual assault and just putting your hand in the wrong spot in what is otherwise completely devoid of any sexual undertones. And where his apology seemed appropriate, sincere and on point to me, this is not a situation that I’m outraged by.

I’d like to think we can be gracious about genuine and appropriate apologies for minor oopsies - that’s what will help the cultural shift and create new norms. The last thing we want to do is make people terrified of touching each other, or creating a situation where apologies for minor issues count for nothing.

Personal opinion, and probably not a popular one!

 

[LanaD]

So, I’ve watched footage of the ‘groping’, and tbh, I had to watch a few different channels because I was having trouble seeing what the issue was. His hand was too high up.

He has “sincerely apologised”, on camera.

To me, I have trouble getting outraged by this. His hand was in a bad spot, and he has apologised, publicly. That’s a good outcome to what seems like a fairly minor oopsie to me.

I understand that everyone is going to feel differently about this, and I can absolutely understand that some people will find this really unacceptable. Personally, this seems like a good news story to me. His hand was in the wrong spot, he got called out on it, and he apologised publicly and promptly. That, to me, is a success.

I think it’s important that we recognise that cultural norms are shifting, and people aren’t gonna get it right first time all the time. This isn’t an assault, it’s an oopsie, and to me, that is significant. There is a difference between sexual assault and just putting your hand in the wrong spot in what is otherwise completely devoid of any sexual undertones. And where his apology seemed appropriate, sincere and on point to me, this is not a situation that I’m outraged by.

I’d like to think we can be gracious about genuine and appropriate apologies for minor oopsies - that’s what will help the cultural shift and create new norms. The last thing we want to do is make people terrified of touching each other, or creating a situation where apologies for minor issues count for nothing.

Personal opinion, and probably not a popular one!

Are you a man? Because I think most women have been through this and know exactly what's happening there. If you're a woman and you think this is acceptable then I strongly urge you to look at your boundaries because I used to think I had to let men be gross with me but I have, thank heavens, learned to say no to such vile behavior.

This is no accident and not an oopsie by any measure. Women go through this ALL THE TIME, with men pretending they just didn't realize where their hand was, or they penis accidentally slipped into a woman. It's revolting to look at the photos but I looked to see what happened, and you can see his fingers digging into her boob. In the video you see her trying to get away from him and looking for help from anyone. She looks scared!

We don't want to make people terrified of touching each other but we sure as hell want to do our best to prevent perverts like this man from groping women.

 

[somerandomguy]

men pretending ... they penis accidentally slipped into a woman

Uh ... what?

 

[Innordinate]

Are you a man?

And that's exactly why i didnt reply to this post earlier.

TIME, with men pretending they just didn't realize where their hand was

Sorry you experienced that. Not ALL men do this, some times it is a legit accident.

The singer hasn't said (last i saw and im not going to check again) anything about it- i think her perception of it is 1000 times more accurate and important that anyone elses though.
So- if she feels the need to speak out or follow up on it i hope she does

 

[Friday]

Are you a man? Because I think most women have been through this and know exactly what's happening there

I’ve gotten the sideways hug/solidarity stand from men in front of crowds where -OOPS- their hand is definitely hitting side-boob. Sometimes the men realize immediately and freeze (even if it would be more natural to move, you’re stuck with “robot arm” as they’re terrified to draw attention to it, or make it worse), other times -more suavely- they slowly back their hand away during the course of the speech, other times they make a big motion with their body (usually a hug of some kind) that allows them to back their hand away fast without it seeming like they’re disgusted by you in front of everyone. That’s a hard one to pull off. I’ve only ever seen it happen once flawlessly, but I’ve seen it dozens of times done badly.

That sort of public speaking gaff? Happens all the time. Not just to women. Women, men, microphones, podiums, flags, servers, boom mikes... trying to do 50 things at once makes movement difficult, and people overreach, underreach, bump into, & knock over all kinds of shit. Don’t even get me started on accidents bowing, shaking hands, and triple kissing. Even when your focus is entirely on the other person mistakes happen. The side-hug is 99% safe. But sometimes? You’re going to misjudge. As a man OR as a woman, in either position.

And sure, when you’re standing in front of a crowd, cameras, etc., unless you want to make a scene, there are also people who deliberately take advantage.

That isn’t what I saw. I saw a common mistake.

More importantly the people involved? Are also saying it was a mistake.

 

[Sideways]

Are you a man? Because I think most women have been through this and know exactly what's happening there.

I’m female. And yeah, I’ve had awkward hug situations with men before. And been sexually assaulted. For me? They’re vastly different experiences.

Like I said, I can understand that opinions are going to vary a lot. But for me, there’s a big difference to between when a guy has accidentally been touching the wrong part of my body (oops), and when a guy has deliberately sexually assaulted me.

In the latter case, they deserve to go to prison. In the former case, a sincere apology is absolutely enough for it to be bygones. Confusing the two? Projecting sexual misconduct into things which are really quite innocuous? Seems to not really achieve much, for me.

 

[Fadeaway]

He was drumming his fingers into the side of her breast watch closer.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think it’s kind of sad that whenever someone makes a comment about a man assaulting a women, the “not all men are this way” responses inevitably follow. WE ALREADY KNOW THIS!

Side boob grab, not cool. There is no excuse for it. It’s always been wrong, it’s just that now men are being called out for their doggy behavior. As they should be.

 

[somerandomguy]

WE ALREADY KNOW THIS!

Not all of us evidently.

And I intend to keep reminding people who don't know this that it's not true. I'm quite sure that you wouldn't stand for it if I called all women abusers. I'm not going to stand for it either.

But I do welcome you reminding others that it really isn't all men.

 

[Innordinate]

He was drumming his fingers into the side of her breast watch closer.

I watched that like a thousand time.
looks more like this

men realize immediately and freeze (even if it would be more natural to move, you’re stuck with “robot arm” as they’re terrified to draw attention to it, or make it worse

Do think he should have apologized to her immediately afterwards. Who's to say he didn't? Who's to say he even had a chance before the social media shit storm that was heaped on him by people wanting to predict the worst about all men. (yeah, the people putting this out there assume it's all men or are targeting that audience or this wouldn't have been anywhere near social media in the context it was- it would have been discussed and dealt with by only the parties involved like adults. he wouldn't have had to apologize publicly either) Does this guy even have a history of this type of behaviour?
The accidental side boob touch happens all the freaking time btw, especially when height is so different. And also, FYI men are and can be touchy feely too. Some of us even like hugs.