Fellow atheists: how do you deal with/find resolution with the death of a love one given we have no self-assurance that we will ever *see* them again.
Struggling with this at the moment. Thought brainstorming could help.
First, I'm sorry to hear you had to say good bye to someone you love. I hope you find the comfort you need while you go through the grieving process.
I used to volunteer in a hospice program and one of the trainers said to us one day, "We all have relationships with dead people."
It was such an odd statement that it really stuck in my mind. Even though the person dies, the "relationship" does not. It's just different.
For example, I have long gone through the grieving process over my grandmother passing away many years ago. However, I still have a relationship with her in that I might experience something and think, "Grandmom would have loved this!" But now, when I experience that event, maybe seeing something on TV that reminds me of her, it makes me happy to think about her. Her existence in my life makes seeing that TV show or movie even better. (She was obsessed with musicals and Doris Day movies!)
But it takes time to get to that point, and you still have to go through a grieving process. Wether you are an atheist or not, we all go through the stages of grief, we just go through them in different ways. Even someone who does believe in God still has to adjust to that person being gone in the present. Even though they might have one additional comfort that you might not have, of thinking about seeing that person in heaven, it may not make the process any easier for them. In some ways, relying on the thought that "I'll see them again" could merely be a band aid that distracts one from really processing their grief.
Whether you are an atheist or not, give your self permission to grieve the way you need, whether it is consistent with your atheistic worldview or not. Just be patiently aware and be kind to yourself and you can't go wrong.
I like someone's idea of writing a letter. I sometimes send private messages to my deceased brother on FB. I don't think he reads them, but it feels therapeutic to me and I feel like I can go back and see how our "relationship" has evolved over time. If all he has is a wall now, does it let you set the privacy setting so that only you see it? I think that might be risky because I don't know how it works and FB privacy settings are not always reliable. Maybe what you can do is create a file on your computer - like a word doc or something where you can having a running monologue of what you would say to your loved one, as if you were sending them FB messages. You could also copy and paste pics from FB or other places, insert funny memes or videos, or post other things that are meaning to your relationship with them. This way you don't have to worry about privacy as much or what you should do with the letters.
One last thing: In order to be authentic and honest with you, out of respect for you sharing your feelings, I feel like I need to fully disclose that I am not an atheist. I was an atheist for 15 years and in some odd way I still identify with being an atheist on an emotional level. I also don't completely identify with being a theist. It's very hard to explain, but I hope this fact does not hamper your receptivity to the thoughts I shared from my heart, and with good intentions.
