List of Traumas for Therapist

[Tinyflame]

Really really like @Friday 's post (thank you) and agree. I think that is instrumental to do. It feels great to be honest and open, and helps to figure out words for what I fear.

 

[piratelady]

Not only helps deal with that thing right then and there that you’re having problems with but everything in the future that you would also have problems with.

This makes complete sense. What I struggle with is the shame of what happened and embarrassment. I mean I’m disgusted with myself. I can’t imagine he wouldn’t be also. I think he picked up on that one in yesterday’s appointment and kept stressing that he won’t judge me.

I will make it a point to tell him about these worries. My thinking now is that as we talk about this stuff more I’ll become less apprehensive about it. I hope so anyway.

And I also left a little history, in writing, of what happened with really no specifics but enough for her to understand the timeline and degree of the main abuse.

I’m really glad the letter you left for your therapist had a good outcome. I was thinking about you yesterday. It made me feel more confident in doing this.

If I can ask, how did you convey the degree of the abuse without giving any specifics? I’ve been trying to figure out how to do that but I’m at a loss.

 

[Maroon731]

If I can ask, how did you convey the degree of the abuse without giving any specifics? I’ve been trying to figure out how to do that but I’m at a loss.

If you read in my diary, the very first entry that is what I left. Over the last year we have mostly talked about my family (which is very complicated) and adult trauma's. So she understood somewhat what had happened and the family dynamics. We haven't talked about what I wrote because since I have left the note we have only had a session to discuss if I would stay in therapy (with her or otherwise). And then like a few days later I have this personal emergency, this does not happen often, but I was having this breakdown over a person that was coming on way too strong. When we met she was able to bring in my history and show me some correlations without really discussing anything in specific. And how I can trust my gut and how the history may have altered some of that trust in my ability - this was the closest we ever got to talking about my history and the first time she spoke my abusers name in a relevant situation. Anyway, all I can say is, after I left and in thinking over the last couple days, how much she was able to help me with this crisis and it was very affirming that once I was able to trust her and our alliance in my healing it didn't take time for an opening to show where I was able to have a little more growth in the right direction of healing or intergration.

 

[EveHarrington]

Would you put down a child who came to you and disclosed the things you are disclosing to your therapist?

No.

And this is how a GOOD therapist’s mind works.

They are compassionate and non-judgmental toward their clients.

 

[Tinyflame]

My thinking now is that as we talk about this stuff more I’ll become less apprehensive about it

I'm not sure @piratelady . But I think trust, feeling safe, being treated with dignity, makes it different, over time? I'm not sure how to explain/ describe it (in words).

:hug:

 

[piratelady]

I think we’re saying the same thing @Junebug, but you’re saying it more clearly :). Like my assumption is if I disclose one thing, he treats me well and in the end it has a good outcome it will build my confidence or ease my worry a little about disclosing other things.

I’ve started waivering again on if I’ll send anything or not. I know I need to, but now I’m feeling better again so the sense of urgency has passed. I have time to keep thinking on it.

 

[Maroon731]

I would encourage you to talk with him, or write to him why you feel unsafe or insecure about your traumas. And any other details you might think would be helpful for him regarding the trauma, even if you don't want to get into particulars. I was so scared to do so but feel some relief knowing we are at least now talking on the same level. She knows the extent of my anxiety about talking on theses things, I think a therapist doesn't always get how nutted up we are to talk on certain subjects. They may understand there is anxiety but like for me it is truly a "verbal" thing. Also, some details or timeline on the trauma helps. One thing my T said to me after I disclosed the timeline is that she wasn't aware and had been pushing me to dig deep and identify the trauma, not realizing they were already right there in my mind - I just can't verbalize yet. Anyway - long winded, but, I encourage you to share your fear around the trauma even if you can't share the trauma. And now that you are feeling stable may actually be the best time.

 

[Maroon731]

I would encourage you to talk with him, or write to him why you feel unsafe or insecure about your traumas. And any other details you might think would be helpful for him regarding the trauma, even if you don't want to get into particulars. I was so scared to do so but feel some relief knowing we are at least now talking on the same level. She knows the extent of my anxiety about talking on theses things, I think a therapist doesn't always get how nutted up we are to talk on certain subjects. They may understand there is anxiety but like for me it is truly a "verbal" thing. Also, some details or timeline on the trauma helps. One thing my T said to me after I disclosed the timeline is that she wasn't aware and had been pushing me to dig deep and identify the trauma, not realizing they were already right there in my mind - I just can't verbalize yet. Anyway - long winded, but, I encourage you to share your fear around the trauma even if you can't share the trauma. And now that you are feeling stable may actually be the best time.

I was just on a run and this thought came to my mind and wanted to share, please do not take offense if I am off the mark. So one other fear I had about telling my therapist, aside from just verbally being able to say it and the shame from the story, was once I disclose it all - what's next? And as I personally thought on this from time to time over the last year I realized who cares if my trauma is not as bad as some, or maybe worse than some - either way we all have a certain saturation point. And it is my feeling people can only take so much and if the trauma is more than anyone can take - that is horrible - but that to after a certain point there are diminishing returns of the symptoms, meaning the differing degrees of f*cked up, or how you became f*cked up doesn't matter, we are all suffering despite how we got here and we/you are on a path to live a more full and healthy life. So as it pertained to me, I figured if I told her (T) and it was less than or more than, it doesn't deny my symptoms - and once I start confiding we can work on tools that truly address my issues - not poking in the dark. Anyway, my point - don't judge your story or try to figure out how your T will judge your story. On some level it is not about the story but how the story influences today. Anyway, not sure if this makes sense but wanted to share.

 

[piratelady]

That does make sense and thank you for taking the time to write all that!

I was so scared to do so but feel some relief knowing we are at least now talking on the same level.

This makes a lot of sense.

And now that you are feeling stable may actually be the best time

I had the same thought, but keep trying to talk myself out of it. I think I’m going to finish the email today and just send it so I don’t change my mind.

Anyway, my point - don't judge your story or try to figure out how your T will judge your story. On some level it is not about the story but how the story influences today

I hadn’t really thought about it like this before, but that makes perfect sense.

Thank you :)

 

[Tinyflame]

Like my assumption is if I disclose one thing, he treats me well and in the end it has a good outcome it will build my confidence or ease my worry a little about disclosing other things.

Dear @piratelady , I don't think I'm saying it well- you are. I think what you said above is true, and it's sort of the 'cognitive' part. But I mean it in a different way, that I 'feel' (literally) different (not thoughts), then it is easier. (I know that probably doesn't make sense- just 'me'. ? :( )

I realized who cares if my trauma is not as bad as some, or maybe worse than some - either way we all have a certain saturation point. And it is my feeling people can only take so much and if the trauma is more than anyone can take - that is horrible

I feel like that ^^ , but it stops there. That makes me silent and self-disgusted, really.

 

[Tinyflame]

I guess in my mind I figure, if it's 'passed' it's over, get over it; if it's occurring in the present, it's my responsibility to fix it?

I definitely do better if I'm not left to my own 'thoughts'. :( ?

I also can handle (am amazed, actually) other's 'emotions' in response to something I say (about 'it'/ ~'things'), but not negative emotions directed 'at' me, so much. I mean I do, but I feel awful.

 

[piratelady]

But I mean it in a different way, that I 'feel' (literally) different (not thoughts),

Oh, the feelings - those are my nemesis. Or my kryptonite. I can't handle those for anything.

I definitely do better if I'm not left to my own 'thoughts'.

Most of the time I'm ok with my thoughts. Sometimes they get the better of me. I think maybe we're kind of opposites in that regard. I do wish I was good at handling feelings, both my own and other people's.