Transference

[Snowflake]

So I wrote a 5 page letter to my therapist about the attachment I feel towards her. I’m terrified. She said I could say anything and she wouldn’t get rid of me but I’m still worried. Have you talked about attachment with your therapist-was he/she okay with it?

 

[somerandomguy]

Transference is so common that it's usually expected. There has to be some form of transference in the therapeutic relationship, or a bond doesn't form and no healing takes place.

It sounds like you're addressing this head-on, which I think is absolutely the right idea. Your therapist has doubtlessly dealt with this many times before, knows what to do, and will be professional and respectful of your feelings.

 

[shimmerz]

She said I could say anything

I think this is more what the therapist is looking for. The fact that you are opening up to her like that and giving yourself the opportunity to trust her (and her you, actually) goes a long way in a therapeutic relationship. I think you will reap the benefits of your being open.

Well done!

 

[Teamwork]

I would love to know what a bond with a therapist looks like? What attachments would look like.

 

[shimmerz]

what a bond with a therapist looks like?

I choose ones that hold space for me while I process stuff. That makes them the dominant force, the driver of the relationship. They take the pressure off of me while I continue to work at healing.

From my point of view, my therapist is the holder of my space. When I need to just fold up, they make sure I am okay. When I need to laugh and giggle, they laugh and giggle with me.

 

[Teamwork]

I choose ones that hold space for me while I process stuff. That makes them the dominant force, the driver of the relationship. They take the pressure off of me while I continue to work at healing.

From my point of view, my therapist is the holder of my space. When I need to just fold up, they make sure I am okay. When I need to laugh and giggle, they laugh and giggle with me.

Can you explain a bit the term hold space? I’ve seen it but to really get a sense of it as you seem to have, what is playing out that helps you say, oh this is holding space? It’s not a physical thing right? Just , ug, okay I actually don’t have an understanding of this.

 

[piratelady]

that hold space for me while I process stuff.

okay I actually don’t have an understanding of this.

I've seen that many times too, here and elsewhere and don't understand what it means either. I read something somewhere else that made me think it meant they sit there quietly while you tell them uncomfortable things, but that doesn't seem right. So I have no idea really.

 

[somerandomguy]

My experience with my therapist is really like no other relationship I have. It's crazily one-sided, and she knows all of my deepest secrets and fears. But that's how it has to be. I would trust her with my life, I think, even though I hardly know anything about her. I don't think I even want to know anything about her. She's not my friend.

Is it scary? Yes. But on my end, she's probably one of the most helpful people in my life and sometimes THE most helpful person to me. She affirms my feelings and we come up with strategies for dealing with my issues and problems. She remembers everything about me, which I've never experienced before with a therapist. I am able to be completely honest and open with her, but that took a couple of years.

It's a strong bond. But it's completely unique in my life, and it has to be.

 

[shimmerz]

Can you explain a bit the term hold space?

Sorry, I missed this somehow. Happy to give you my thoughts on this.

Actually, this article does it better than I ever could. I will link it below.
What it means to "hold space" for people, plus eight tips on how to do it well - Heather Plett

I hope this helps and if not, please let me know and I will do my best to fill in the gaps. It is an incredibly powerful tool when it comes to therapy of any type and also really useful when it comes to day to day relationships. It is a concept, in my opinion, that is well worth knowing.

 

[EveHarrington]

Sorry, I missed this somehow. Happy to give you my thoughts on this.

Actually, this article does it better than I ever could. I will link it below.
What it means to "hold space" for people, plus eight tips on how to do it well - Heather Plett

I hope this helps and if not, please let me know and I will do my best to fill in the gaps. It is an incredibly powerful tool when it comes to therapy of any type and also really useful when it comes to day to day relationships. It is a concept, in my opinion, that is well worth knowing.

Incredible concept!

It’s 4am and I’m sending this link to people, lol. (I never send people links so it just shows how powerful I think this concept really is!)

 

[grit]

@Teamwork
to me in my experience in therapy, holding space means (at least the beginning of therapy) is the therapist is focused on me to recover and I am not burden for relationship maintenance. I am not concerned how the therapist feels and if I am that would be considered transference and something from my past that I have to work through. Of course, there are times where the therapist may do something that damages the relationship enough to be considered not transference, what is being damaged is the holding space.

so holding place for me is the therapy is for my place to find myself along with the therapist in my journey. If the therapist has crisis in her life that interferes in my therapy, she is no longer able to hold my place unfortunately.

So how do you know you have one? You will feel safe with that therapist.

 

[shimmerz]

You will feel safe with that therapist.

Just want to mention that some people don't feel safe with their therapist regardless of whether they are holding space for them or not.

Sometimes feeling safe with anyone (especially someone with the power of a T) is a necessary part of the journey.