Can you decide to Forget?

[Reflections]

I was talking to a friend who was reminiscing about her childhood and a favorite game, one that was a favorite of mine too. But I could barely make any conversation about it, because I barely remember playing it. I use to know, but now I don't. It's breaking my heart and it's so defeating when I can't join conversations about things I loved.

I use to remember my childhood so clearly. Now everything is hazy. I know I wanted to forget everything after my father and brither left. Can I "decide" to forget? Is it really that easy? Can I remember it again?

 

[blackemerald1]

Can I "decide" to forget? Is it really that easy? Can I remember it again?

Many times I have wanted to forget things and been quite unsuccessful - quite the opposite has happened actually.

Other times I have forgotten things I want to remember so I don't know how one controls it all.

It is frustrating to know that something you used to know well has slipped out of your conscious (ready to access) part of your memory.

When I have been told 'just forget about it'....I've often wondered how do you do that??

I'll be interested to see what other people say about this too..

I think you can remember again. Your memory isn't a bucket with a hole in it.

 

[ILoveLife]

I often found myself deciding what to go into denial about or forget about... So I guess so?

 

[Sideways]

Now everything is hazy.

There’s a whole stack of things that effect our memory, including physical and mental health conditions, medication, age, stress, sleep, and just plain old differences from one person to the next.

For example, if you suffer depression as part of your ptsd-package? It makes sense that your memory has been impaired more than your friend’s.

 

[Reflections]

@Sideways thanks. Ironically I forget how depression and stress plays a part in memory, my T reminded me about stress hormones too. I guess I get so focused on the dissociation bit, I overlook the whole package I'm dealing with and how it all contributes to my symptoms. Again thank you ‍

 

[Sweetleaf]

If it were possible to choose to forget I'm positive I'd have forgotten everything by now.

But sadly forgetting everything has eluded me.

My diary is named "Uncomfortable thoughts, unwanted memories" because I don't want these memories. I wish I could just erase all of them.

But sadly I think that's impossible. At least for me.

Also - without the memories, I'd probably still have the symptoms of PTSD - just with no memories to work on. Having your memories allows you to more easily target those things and fix them. If you didn't have the memories, you'd still have the effects of PTSD on your brain - but without any idea why.

 

[Abstract]

I have definitely experienced what I can probably best describe as self delusion/denial or somethings along those lines. Like a form of self deception. For example having flashbacks about something but being convinced it was a story and nothing to do with me. I seriously never consciously acknowledged it. Dont know how to express that, put it into words. So I would have said at some point I didnt remember it but in truth is a bit more complicated. Dissociation came in in the form of protecting my mind from going there, Like there is a bug in your eye but you without thought decide that the scenery just looks like that; are curious when you see other people with bugs without thinking you have one (and despite being interested in insects in general) ; Have problems seeing things regularly and see bug shapes without allowing yourself to think why. Fall over completely regularly without allowing yourself to think of any of it.

But normal memories fade with time anyway actually. And more so if you were depressed depersonalised etc at the time as your brain is either too switched off at the time to lay down strong memory, or is too busy focusing in other things and those are the memories that will stay. With depression the brain is essential unwell.

 

[MyWillow]

Also - without the memories, I'd probably still have the symptoms of PTSD - just with no memories to work on. Having your memories allows you to more easily target those things and fix them. If you didn't have the memories, you'd still have the effects of PTSD on your brain - but without any idea why.

Yup. This is pretty much me apart from a few things. I didn’t remember the content of my flashbacks for quite some time. Now I don’t recognise the content as a “memory”. It’s horrible. I feel wrecked as all get out but just have to reassure myself I’m safe. It really does feel like I’ve got an incredibly overactive imagination.

 

[shimmerz]

I was often told by my healers that it isn't the memory I wanted to discharge but instead the emotional attachment to it. That advice served me well.

My tool of choice for this was EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). It was brilliant for adjusting belief systems as well as removing emotional charges from situations.

 

[Dragonzombie]

i wanted to be cured

 

[Milo's papa]

My wife had just the opposite problem, she had to learn how "not" to forget. Her mind repressed all the abuse and horror she lived through. In order for her to start healing, she had to learn how to hold onto those memories and build a congruent time line that she could work with.

She met with her best friend of from high school this past summer and they would talk about all the things they did, people they knew, ect.. and my wife's memories where so different from her best friend's.

Now she doesn't want to forget her past. She has worked really hard to learn how to live with it.

I wish you the best of luck on your healing journey.

 

[shimmerz]

build a congruent time line that she could work with.

This is so key. This is the ultimate goal and I know I have broken something large and ugly when I am able to start being able to assign time lines to the event again.