Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

Thank you, @mumstheword :):):):)

You’re really awesome also :D






Weird update:
It turns out my mom’s stepmom lied to her husband’s kids about there being no funeral. He had a military funeral. Of course. Not sure why we didn’t realize that would happen. But she lied to seven people about their dad’s death and funeral

And denied one of his sons the right to hold the ashes also. His kids are grieving having never had a father mostly, and being denied him even in death is messed up even if he was the abusive asshat

I think I’m not going to visit her ever again. Unforgivable

 

[ILoveLife]

Yeah it's unforgivable.

Brandi is an awful person, and that fact has no reflection on you as a person at all. :hug:

 

[littleoc]

Thank you, @Sietz :):)

Sometimes I get the urge to protect Brandi a bit, but there’s no reason to. I came out of abuse fine, she had a chance. One day hopefully she’ll get treatment, but I probably won’t ever talk to her again anyway. Not worth the chance.






My mom’s brother, my uncle G, is really torn up. He was badly abused by his dad (they all were), so is mostly mourning the fact that now it’s solidified that he just won’t ever have one — and his step mom told him he couldn’t have any ashes.

Luckily, a long time ago she gifted me his Snuggle bear, so I may gift it to G if my mom thinks it’s appropriate. It’s not ashes, but he could burn it and have fake ashes if he wanted. Not the same thing, but you know. What a stupid woman

 

[ILoveLife]

I know, I get protective of them too when people say stuff. I was writing that above and thought you'd probably be a bit defensive about what I said of Brandi :) But you saw your reaction, so that's great!

Sorry that person did those things to your family. Seriously messed up.

 

[littleoc]

:)

Thanks. It’s actually not the first time this kind of thing has happened to my mom’s family. Once her biological mom and her seven children (including my mom) were going to her eighth child’s funeral (my mom’s brother, died in a horrific way despite asking his company he worked for to fix his truck over a five year period) (he was a semi driver) and got turned away with lies about the funeral being elsewhere. So my grandma didn’t get closure for the violent death of her son. And my mom and her siblings didn’t either. That was my grandpa’s second wife though — weird that his third wife would also pull something like this on the family. I can’t decide if it’s a coincidence or not.... but in any case, she’s not going to hear from me again.

My grandpa knew he was a goner because he left me a voicemail. I still have it. I wonder if putting it elsewhere would be nice, or if him using his sweet voice would scare my mom and her siblings. I know what that’s like. My dad leaves sweet voicemails too, but my dad wasn’t dying and saying goodbye.

But anway. I am a bit sad I missed that voicemail. I’m realizing the stupid woman, June, was probably preventing me and everyone else from talking to him again once he was helpless

I wonder if their bird is still alive

I lost Baby the dog after visiting them. Totally unrelated, but I do miss her. But I couldn’t have had Baby and Nestle at the same time. And Nestle had saved my life and possibly others. One time Baby actually imagined she stepped on something sharp, and I had to walk home with a pitbull mix in my arms because she wouldn’t walk (such a silly, jumpy friend)

 

[littleoc]

But you saw your reaction, so that's great!

Thanks!!

I like to think she wasn’t the worst person. But I could compare her to anyone I wanted to and it still wouldn’t want to be her friend, so it doesn’t matter :P

My mom, though, for comparison, at least treats me with respect (mostly). I like respect

Hopefully I don’t sound super prideful when I say I deserve respect :P

 

[ILoveLife]

Ahah, no you don't sound prideful! You do (very much) deserve respect!

 

[littleoc]

Someone is sending images of the assault rifle used in the Pulse shooting to the gay bars nearby. I have decided not to go hang out this week. I would just be looking for weapons.

 

[littleoc]

I am having disturbing sexual dreams. I tried to take advice to fix it. But now I’m in pain and can’t figure out why. It’s beautiful weather outside, though, so maybe I should exercise it off.

Lack of exercise is worse than smoking.

 

[littleoc]

I am not a victim.

I think maybe I should discuss the trigger but it's a nice day, so let's get some work done :)

 

[somerandomguy]

You're not?

Do you mean that in the sense of "nothing bad actually happened to me," or in the sense of "I am an empowered survivor?" Because I can get behind the latter ... but not the former.

 

[ILoveLife]

It's okay to be a victim though, like in the aftermath of it all and realizing we were victims of predators.
Like gazelles that get wounded but not killed by lions and actually are able to survive you know?
They were victims, now they're back to their regular running around :)