Childhood My dad

[Abstract]

It makes me wonder what I could have been if I hadn't lived every moment for them...

I know she would t advise me not to care for him under the circumstances

Very important thoughts!

 

[Friday]

As his health fails, I will be the one that is tasked caring for him which makes me want to vomit.

My initial response was exactly like @shimmerz

My considered response?

Why not consider it as 100% true??? :sneaky:

1. You WERE his biggest mistake. He completely f*cked up the opportunity to be a good father to you... much less the opportunity show you the world, & to springboard you into life with every advantage, rocking self confidence, & phenomenal <insert everything you’ve had to fight tooth and nail for, all on your own, here> Instead? He was a abusive SOB. THAT is his mistake. How he utterly failed to protect you, and nurture you, and raise you. Everything he did to you? Is HIS responsibility. Of course, like an abusive SOB, he twists even the truth -he did wrong- into trying to pin the blame on others. No, no, no... his being a terrible father isn’t on him, it’s because he had kids. It’s their fault :rolleyes: HIS mistake of being a terrible father is not your fault. You aren’t the mistake. How he did by you, is the mistake.

2. He wishes you were never born? Voila! And there goes being tasked with caring for him. :D Because, you know, if you were never born & aren’t his daughter? Exactly how much help comes along with that? Right. Nothing, nada, zilch, zero. Your wish granted Mr. Child Abuser. I’m not your daughter, anymore. And I don’t go out of my way to piss on a child abuser when they’re on fire. Much less do them favors. f*ck right off, now. I’ve got an amazing life to seize. Without you in it. At last. Thank you for FINALLY doing something for me, and setting me free.

My mom was my best bud and we were very close although I never was able to talk to her about my abuse.

I know this was written a long time ago, but....

You loved your mom. And you gave her one last gift - a peaceful death.

Your protection & your promises were gifts to a dying woman, and they died with her. You don’t need to protect her any longer. And my hope is that if she did know what you’d been through, her ghost would march right up to her best bud & link arms with you, kick your dad in the nuts, and not let you waste one more second of your life on him.

 

[Rumors]

Gosh @Abstract and @Friday
Thank you for your words. I agree with what you have said and want to make a choice to let him go. I would never, nor can I even imagine telling my child the things he has said to me. He sucks... I miss my mom and although I shouldn't wish this, I wish he had died 9 years ago and not my mom...

 

[Friday]

I would never, nor can I even imagine telling my child the things he has said to me

I can’t remember if you have kids... but this works, either way :sneaky:

If/when (probably when, just using my own cynical self as a guide) the guilt & “I should”s & impulses to spend time & money on the man return? Here’s a fun alternative...

Sit down and map it out. Figure out a budget (both time & money, and remember these things always cost more than they should, so be realistic & don’t skimp! Nursing homes are expensive!)... and then USE that money to take your kids on vacation, buy yourself something nice, spend time doing something fun & exciting.

Both in memory of your mom, and nudging the balance a little more to where it “should” be. He can buy his own diapers, and snarl af someone else to wipe his ass. You can spend that money getting cotton candy at a carnival, and laughing with loved ones. Taking a class. And any/every other childhood treat long overdue that should have come from him... and now is. By not spending it on him.

Like quitting smoking and using the cigarette money to buy art supplies, or a car, or any other thing your heart desires.

Nasty habits once quit? Can have some benefit, after all.

 

[rosey]

I'm middle aged and you would think I could shrug it off but there is just something about hearing your dad say those words that makes you feel pretty awful. As his health fails, I will be the one that is tasked caring for him which makes me want to vomit.
Thank you for the support.

You don't owe him anything especially if that is how he talks to you. I had a similar experience with my father, I stopped looking after him when I got fed up of such comments, I wrote a letter to everyone in my family including him explaining why I would not be offering my goodwill to him. I didnt see him for 5 years until on his death bed, driving up to see him I felt awful for not having looked after him all those years, however when he opened his mouth the same words were still pouring out. I am so glad i didnt waste my time on him. Some people are not worth your headspace nor time.

No one has the right to talk to you so badly and certainly then expect you to do them a service.