Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[bellbird]

Thanks @littleoc !

 

[Freida]

And when he got that growth on his foot, my dad was excited because he thought a rare cancer was going to be named after his kid. He wanted him to die so much.

Just when I think he can't get more horrible you post something like this and I wonder once again -- after being raised by someone like this how in the world did you turn out so totally awesome???

I need to be more chill. I’m embarrassing myself again.

Oh punkin -- you are a long way from embarrassing yourself. You just have to learn the same lesson I did --- talking is ok.

As in, if I can’t get published, it’s only a failure if I don’t learn from others about why I’m being rejected

I got rejected 154 times! whoohooo!

I am not sure if I’m sounding ridiculous or not, lol. Parenting fad? He is her first child...

Nope - normal parenting. Normal folks dont beat their kids and keep them in cages. Which is why you are going to be a stellar mom. Because you know what was done to you was wrong and you want to use a different way of doing it.

Talking about my trauma makes me sound insane. I hate it. It feels like everyone thinks I’m crazy and I should start over.

You are far from insane. Far, far from it. And I'm pretty sure no one here thinks you are bonkers. You are just one of us -- on the Island! so grab a pina colada and come sit a spell :hug: :laugh:??

 

[ILoveLife]

I think you're the farthest from insane there is @littleoc.
You deal with everything in a stellar way, grounded and disciplined and above all, KIND!
I'm always amazed by your resillience, strength and ability to overcome your obstacles.

:hug:

 

[littleoc]

after being raised by someone like this how in the world did you turn out so totally awesome???

I have no Earthly idea? I like to think it’s because I’m better than he is. I grew up and he didn’t. Dude was crazy!

He wanted me to hate my little brother so badly, he even taught me to bully him. It bothers me so much because I haven’t apologized yet. I was first sorry back in middle school, but Brandi got in the way. My little bro bullied me back in high school, then started an online club called Macabre Internet Trolls on YouTube where he bullied other people — which he would tell my mom about and she’s basically say she didn’t approve of — but then he FINALLY got help and now he’s back to his cute old self that was my best friend growing up. Plus he has a wife now who doesn’t put up with his temper. Haha. And he sends me pictures of his (our?) cat a lot so that’s cool.

Y’all would be prouder of him, he’s grown into such a good man! He hasn’t worked through his trauma at all but he seems to at least be healthy. :) He can get to it when he’s ready. Twenty two seems kind of young

You are far from insane. Far, far from it. And I'm pretty sure no one here thinks you are bonkers. You are just one of us -- on the Island! so grab a pina colada and come sit a spell :hug::laugh:??

I LOVE THOSE

One time in Belize I was on an island with coconut trees! That island was spooky but i lived the fresh coconut fruit! Takes forever to get it out though. I ended up needing two men with machetes, lol.

Also, thanks, that’s really reassuring. Trauma is stupid.

Which is why you are going to be a stellar mom.

:) :) :) I hope so

You deal with everything in a stellar way, grounded and disciplined and above all, KIND!

Kind is my moto!! Did I spell that right?

Also, thanks :hug:

I'm always amazed by your resillience, strength and ability to overcome your obstacles.

Thank you :hug:

I feel the same way about you guys. :)

 

[littleoc]

I got rejected 154 times! whoohooo!

Hey, that’s not too bad!!!

I’ll compete with you! I’ll get 200 rejections!!

 

[frogthroat]

The fact that you have such a welcoming, empathetic presence even on the internet speaks volumes. To come out of everything you went through with empathy and a level of emotional intelligence that most people never have in tact is amazing to me. You're extremely intelligent to be as resourceful as you are.
I would LOVE to be able to get you out of your head for a day and just take you to look at furniture and cool things for your apartment. I can't wait until you're out on your own and away from all the bullshit that keeps triggering you. Maybe then, in time, things like tornadoes won't hurt you so bad.
You've got so much ahead of you and with your ability to connect to other people as well as you do I know you're going to accomplish so much.
This is just a little fragment in time for you. When you get past this hurdle wow everyone watch out. You'll be able to do whatever you want. You're incredibly strong.

 

[littleoc]

Thank you :hug: :hug: :hug:

But, @RuffledFeathers, it’s crazy that you’re calling me strong! I’m still amazed that you held on! And really glad that you have, too! :) :)

 

[littleoc]

Okay. So, this is going to be a little weird. Apologies in advanced. (But not real apologies, because I’m not stepping on anyone’s tail here... just, maybe I’m meaning, “Thanks for baring with me”)

It appears I may not be sleeping well. It also appears that Fungus used his PayPal last night at 5am to buy three stuffed toys that he bid on and addressed to me. Which means maybe I bought them at 5am. Ugh. Nevermind, then. But they have gift notes that say “you could use some comfort.” So that’s nice, thanks, me?

I hate it when I can’t remember things. It is not my norm to forget what I did unless something happened. I remember thinking about trauma work I need to do in this diary, though. Maybe that did something unexpectedly. It sure has been a stressful week, so who knows? :0

 

[somerandomguy]

:hug:

 

[littleoc]

So I spent some quality time with my false aralia. If you forgot (it’s no problemo, no worries), it had suddenly killed off 100% of its own foliage. It had one leave for a while before it dropped that, too.

False aralias will do that when they are stressed. So I left it alone and tried to dry the soil. Without leaves, there is nothing for water to go through so it stays in the soil, attracting pathogens.

But I noticed the water just wouldn’t evaporate. Then, a fungus grew a bit on it.

That’s very telling. That means the plant likely has an infection, and the fungus has come to the surface to help seal in water.

I removed it. Lo and behold, an infection. Lots and lots of little onion mites.

So I poured a mixture of hydrogen peroxide and rubbing alcohol on them to make them acidic. It will have to do until I can get a chemical spray. No need for my aralia to be organic if it needs help healing. Poor thing has no idea how to handle humidity and root attacks. It’s in the wrong continent! It would be happier in another hemisphere. Poor thing.

The plant still has buds on one stem, so it’s planning on coming back when it’s safe to do so. It probably thinks that going dormant will make the insects go away, but it should have gotten rid of the water first. Oh, well. It couldn’t have known.

Me as a plant.

 

[littleoc]

Fun plant fact, speaking of:

Plants can control the weather, and they are aware of it and do it on purpose. The problem is that they must also communicate to each other and work together. In the Amazon, this created the “world’s largest river,” which is actually in the sky, being propelling by thousands and thousands of plants trying to keep it humid.

As in, cutting down the rainforest would ruin plants’ progress in creating a rainy environment for themselves.

Plants came from the ocean, where green was the new black, so they “think” they are black colored. Plants never reinvented their pigments. Don’t fix what isn’t broken!

Ocean plants don’t seem to need to influence the weather.

 

[littleoc]

The Sahara used to be a huge rainforest, within human history. Humans were unlikely to have ruined it, but it probably ruined several humans.

The Sahara stopped transporting evaporated ocean water to center of the continent when plants were no longer moving it along, and plants were no longer putting things in the air for water to stick to to form clouds. The result was that s rainy, humid place became Earth’s largest desert.

It has not stopped being useful in Earth’s life cycles, though. Air currents have been shown to move the sand across the world, to the Amazon, which keeps the Amazon from loosing too much nutrients to giant trees.

Back before plants existed on land, most the world was a desert. Once plants figured out how to live on land, they were tiny (think mosses) and able to carry tiny microclimates with them. Ferns learned to live in dry spots, but only as long as water would allow them to release their sex trolls (their offspring, which are designed only to have sex and then have babies, rather than grow leaves and be plants. Plants do not like to waste energy on sex). When the plants started colonizing elsewhere, they didn’t immediately figure out how to play with the weather, but eventual the world got really, really wet.

Before there was a massive die-off, anyway. :)

Giant fern trees were a thing back then