Have You Ever Moved To Be With Your Beloved?

[Changing4Best]

My beloved and I are thinking of moving in together, not right away, but as a generating thought at this point. I would be moving to where he lives, about 3 hours from here by car, also crossing a state line to do so.

IF WE DO THIS I know there would be hardship for me, I would lose my support team and all my Dr.s and nurses and my T also! I would have to start building those relationships all over again anew. I would probably want to find another job too.

I have been somewhat happy here where I live now, very happy in many ways too. I have heard that if you are happy in one place, you will be happy where you move to also, I believe it was Freud who said that.

Have you ever done anything like this? How did it turn out. How did it affect your relationship and how did it affect your PTSD???

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m a bit confused....

Is this a guy you just met?

 

[Changing4Best]

I am not thinking of moving right away. We were just discussing marriage and all (and I would be the one to move). Naturally we both know that we will want to get to know one another a lot more first, of course. I just like to think ahead. I am that way....

 

[MyWillow]

I’ve moved a heap and would have happily moved to be with my OH. However, the last several years have been rough on me physically and, yeah, the rest of it. Having finally got a great team - physio, myotherapist, hand OT, GP, equine psychologist and psydoc (main T) - and being very symptomatic (40 years later) - there’s no way in hell I’m going anywhere. To the point where my OH quit his job of 20 years as they wanted to transfer him interstate. We made it work and, although we had some struggles, he is SO much happier now. I just needed security and support.

 

[Changing4Best]

Actually, I would be moving TO an area that would have far more medical help available to me than I have here. Currently, there is a great shortage of Dr.s and the like here where I live, so mostly we are having nurse practitioners and associate members here, rather than the cream of the crop. It is just very difficult for me to think about giving up my T as she is so understanding and helpful, and getting to know a new one won't be easy, if all this were to work out between the man and myself.

On the other hand, I live in a town that is literally DYING. Most all of the stores on our Main St. have closed, leaving only the grocery, drug store, hardware store and one small department store. Most every place that one could get a job have closed too. It is like a ghost town here and that has made me want to bolt for awhile now, even before I met this man. @MyWillow

 

[intothelight]

My husband and I had known each other since high school and even though we were previously married and divorced, we dated for 18 months before marrying. He closed down his business and moved 600 miles to start over with me. I wouldn't move because I didn't want to disrupt my childrens' lives any more than necessary.

The town in which you live may be dying, but it is still where you have housing you can afford, a job, resources for food, doctors and social support. Not that you shouldn't make a move in the future, but my concern is you giving up everything that allows you to live autonomously to live with someone you met on line and have known less than a month.

A three hour drive is a bit, but he should be making the drive and meeting you in person and dating. Perhaps meeting halfway at times so that you get to know each other. Also, if you have his first and last name, definitely run a background check to see if he is who he says he is. Anyone can be anyone they want to be on line.

If you want to leave the area you are in, then go and visit the place he lives on your own. Check out and see if there is housing you can afford, what the job market looks like, the medical providers and assess the overall cost of living. If this is meant to be, having a short term lease and setting up your own household for a while won't hurt as the two of you strengthen your relationship. However, it will still give you a "safe" place in case things are not as they have been presented.

If he ever asks you for money, turn and run the other way. Even if you have limited resources, there are people who have multiple on line relationships and they victimize those that are trusting and lonely and get whatever they can from them. Please proceed with caution.

 

[Abstract]

To get perspective on this could you say how long you have been seeing each other exclusively and how much time you have spent together since you don't live in the same place? Also more or less what type of timeline you would be thinking of.
Also think its worth discussing why it would be you not him,

 

[Changing4Best]

Timeline would at least be a year, probably more. I am not rushing into anything. At this point, it is just a pipe dream of sorts.

 

[Abstract]

Changingforbest,
Ah. Just checking on this as as far as I know you have never met him in person and have only just spoken to him on the phone for the first time. I hear you that the move is still an idea and I really dont want to rain on the dream. Just concerned you are talking about "moving in together" in context of that. Dont want you investing so much into a relationship that hasnt even started properly. As much as we can like people we dont know much about them or about "us" until that is allowed to happen over time. Sorry. Not being a negative nelly.

Moving for someone can certainly be a good thing in certain situations. Big deal when a mental health team and support structure is going to be given so I guess my answer would be yes as a concept but for it to be taken really serious;y and be extremely sure about the relationship before doing so.

 

[Ronin]

As someone that, at various points in life, was Ditch everything, cross the borders, let everything else go to hell, I am fine enough... with more of their partners:

Happiness is not everything.
Someone you just met (... a YEAR? Is Just Met, in my book.) is not worth ditching your friends network and more importandly, medical care for. Especially in Merika.
Not even having stabilities in there (a job, much less something else?) Nah.
That could well be so easily ending jobless, homeless, without medical care, without anyone to call, and with bad health, mental and else.

That kind of adventure and romance is kind of nonsense even when young.
Older, and with more concerns? Not meaning to tell you what to do, but I would damned weight things.

Happiness is a feeling, and temporary.
Stable life is way more than happiness, and way easier to get back to happy if you HAVE those ropes back.

 

[Abstract]

a YEAR? Is Just Met, i

I could be wrong but if I am understanding this properly you actually havent yet met him at all face to face have you Changing4best?

 

[Ronin]

On the other hand, I live in a town that is literally DYING.

On second thoughts:
And this bit can change in a year or two. Stores rebought and reopened, new places built, restaurants / entertainment / the like built and attracting the flow of people back in, someone just liking the town enough to invest in it and lead to change that could not be foreseen right now... things like that. Now is not forever and just because it feels like a ghost town, does not mean it is one, or WILL be in a year or two.

Also: Ghost towns can be good for having them mapped out well, already. You can always bolt out for an extended vacation, instead of putting those money to a move, permanently. Done with the place quite a lot does not mean being Done, Finis (nor that it is the only possible course of action.)

It can also be a challenge :sneaky: How much of what you perceive as a ghost town, can be brought back to life // what do you need to see that change yourself, and how can you bring it in?
Eventually, what makes it all out of comfort zone, and too hard for you? ... then work on THOSE, item by item, until you are comfortable, and have alternatives, IN town or closeby // reaching distances.

That is not even starting on wonders ghost towns can be for arts. Writing, painting, what have you. All that Atmospheeere. Just populate it by ghosts of your fancy. A whole new town, or several, in here. :inlove:

Does not have to be all or nothing.