Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

Lol... oops.... :D

Thanks for the link, by the way! I’m a bit skeptical of it because some of the info is a little off (fungi have mitochondria too) or condradicts things the CDC says (as of 2017 so it wouldn’t be weird if I’m out of date on something), but I read through it and slowly looked through some of their sources. I’ll look through the rest when it’s not 4:40AM :P The sources I saw were legit sources so far, so that’s interesting. But thank you for helping me research!

——

I just found out that hormone problems can lead to unexplained bruising, so it’s really likely that’s what’s going on. I may be low on estrogen again. I was having a weird skin problem — all yesterday my skin hurt to the touch and it messed up my routine. A little research told me that it was probably an excess amount of the hormone cortisol and that it’ll go away. It pretty much has, and I didn’t bruise where it hurt, so it must be stress and hormone related.

 

[littleoc]

My lungs agree that there’s too much mold, though, and I know it’s causing my dog to have more hotspots (she had one on her foot ?) so it wouldn’t be weird if I tirned out to be having more than skin rashes for the exposure. It’s killing some plants for sure.

All molds are toxic in excess, from what I understand?

There was a flood but not the kind y’all would expect to hear. It was f*cking disgusting and I’m not sure anyone hired anyone to fix it to be honest. I’ll maybe talk about it later. But to summarize, there was shit water all downstairs, twice, and it stunk both times for weeks. My dad made my sister live in it and it was awful. Second time I was in college. When I came back on a break I through away a rug because it was stiff (yeah, allowed to dry like clay) with shit water. It still gives me horrendous nightmares to think about all that.

I’ve mentioned really early on that septic tanks are an extremely triggering subject for me. I have a bad history with human and animal feces and I’d just really like to live somewhere where the dreams about it can’t be comforted when I wake up because it smells like shit in here and I keep coughing until my chest hurts.

I wonder what Gordon Ramsey’s swab machine would pick up here, if that nice looking place had an 803 reading. I bet it’s 5000+ here.

I need a Gordon Ramsey to yell at my mom when I’m not here.

 

[TTC18]

Uuugghh that's awful. :(

 

[littleoc]

At least I’m young enough to handle it for now. Robust immune system :D

But I can tell by looking at my cockatiel that dealing with unfitting environments for enough years will shoot out your health dramatically with age. She basically has no immune system in her throat now, but maybe that’ll improve when we get out of here.

 

[littleoc]

Her poo has been less green, so I’d say that her liver disease has improved!

 

[TTC18]

Cockatiels are sooo pretty!!

 

[Freida]

oh hun. Is there somewhere you can go for a just a few days? Just to get some fresh air and to get away from the mold for a bit?

I think you are up against an unwinnable situation. I run into this sometimes with my brother's delusions. No matter what I say - I can't change his mind or his behaviors. Example? right now he thinks I'm a millionaire. I have no idea where he got that - but I cant make him see that his thinking is wrong. I'm guessing that's like your mom -- she says she knows there is a problem but can't "see" it so you can't change her mind

So I wonder --- how would this picture change if you accepted the the idea that your mom won't change? That this is how she has chosen to live her life? That no matter how hard you try to clean she won't allow it to not be messy? Would it make things easier on you? I know when I finally accepted brother's mental illness it made my life way easier because I realized it wasn't about what he wanted out of me. It was about what he believed to be true in HIS world. And no matter how I tried to help, I couldn't change the way he wanted to live his life. So I had to say .....Ok. Enough. This is how he lives. I can't change that.

Maybe it would take some of the pressure off of you? :hug:

 

[ILoveLife]

That this is how she has chosen to live her life?

I don't believe it's a choice, though. That's why it's a mental illness. They don't have enough insight for it to be a choice, despite being different things. Any more than we choose flashbacks.

But I agree that if there isn't a willingness to change, any outside effort is futile.

 

[TTC18]

But - even though someone has a mental illness, they can still make choices. Unwise choices sometimes, but they are choices. We can't live other people's lives for them. We can't make choices for them, or protect them from their choices, no matter how bad we think they are...
I mean- some of the choices I've made in the past 20 years due to my fear/ptsd responses have been ridiculous. But they've been my choices.

 

[littleoc]

Good news, I called the hospital to tell them I'm still a dependant but my mother lost her job and now has no insurance. They hospital gave me some forms so that the government could pay my medical bills instead (to a reasonable degree). Did y'all know that was a thing in the US?? Or is that a state level thing? No idea, but I am SO RELIEVED right now.

 

[Kubash16]

Good news, I called the hospital to tell them I'm still a dependant but my mother lost her job and now has no insurance. They hospital gave me some forms so that the government could pay my medical bills instead (to a reasonable degree). Did y'all know that was a thing in the US?? Or is that a state level thing? No idea, but I am SO RELIEVED right now.

That’s really awesome!

 

[TTC18]

That is awesome!!! I know hospitals will negotiate for pennies on the dollar if you can't pay your bill, and let you make payments as well - never heard of the govt paying the bills though, that's great. :)