Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[Freida]

oh hunny. You did not deserve any of that. None of it... :hug:

My brain is pulling up proof that it is a bad person, and it’s frustrating. It feels more like a thing is whispering bad thoughts into it and for some reason it’s listening.

You are a GOOD person. It comes thru here every day, in everything you say to help others feel better. So tell those whispers there is no need for them today and if they wont go away cover them up with me yelling YOU ARE A LOVING KIND AND FABULOUSLY GOOD PERSON!

 

[littleoc]

Yes, get some sleep!! :)

Thank you!!! It was good sleep, actually, for someone who knows they're about to run out of medication again! lol. I think I have a discount card somewhere, though, and the little town pharmacy shoppe is run by the nicest lil lady who would know how to help me out. :)

Small business for the wiiiin. And sometimes larger ones too. But knowing the owner is nice :D

YOU ARE A LOVING KIND AND FABULOUSLY GOOD PERSON!

Okay but do you know how awesome it would be to have a badass yelling that at you all day? I bet no one would mess with me lol

And thank you :hug: :hug:

 

[littleoc]

So I'm kind of grumpy, because I am very OCD about sleep and my mom woke me up to invite me to a movie. Which I should have been flattered by but my groggy brain was like "that better not be a stranger at my door" so that was funny.

Then I watched three hours of videos about snake care just to make sure I know what I need for my snake if the power goes out. Cuz, you know, he can't just make his own body heat. And I need a solution besides "hold him under your shirt in Sorrel's [the late hedgehog's] pouch" because at some point I will need to eat, sleep, shower, use the restroom, or go outside. And it's snowing. I bet he would hate snow. lol

It's supposed to be all nice and sunny tomorrow for my ROAD TEST ? so that's nice. The snow ain't gonna stick. It can't. I felt the road with my foot and thanks to all this sun it is definitely warm enough with stored energy to not let snow stick.

Yeah, that's right. My OCD won't let me touch walls, floors, or bags in this house. But I can touch a filthy road.

There was a rock stuck in the foam on the bottom of my house shoe but still.

 

[littleoc]

I forgot to say why the f*ck I was posting.

My mom is somehow bad at planning now. She's worried about no income. She bought Christmas presents with a credit card. So, you know, we need to be careful at this point. You know?

Okay, so I also just cleaned out the fridge. Four trash bags, I think. Insane amount of garbage and rotten food. WELL NOW THERE'S MORE. The fridge is full! And a lot of it isn't edible??

And last night she bought a shit ton of sweets. EXCUSE ME. NEITHER OF US SHOULD BE EATING SWEETS. NEITHER OF US. AND WE PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE BUYING HUGE ASS BAGS OF CHIPS EITHER. Yes, go eat carbohydrate sticks laced with fried neurotoxin, you diabetic. I see no way a not-20-something person with extremely nerve damage without health insurance would have an issue with that.

It's really none of my business, so there's no need to discuss this. I'm just needing a place to put it.

On the bright side, my friend Megan is back to texting me. She was worried she was frustrating me, sort of, and she was isolating. But we are back, so I have something to chat with intermittently throughout the day to help me remember I'm an actual person.

Megan is cool shit. I'm cussing, so I must be really grumpy. I should eat my pies. I got three pies for breakfast. Because I shouldn't be eating sugar, either. But at least it won't f*cking send me to the hospital.

 

[littleoc]

OH. And FedEx and AT&T almost made me call the cops on them.

So, that's actually kind of hilarious. In retrospect. I was walking Nestle and we finished up so I walked into the driveway. When all of a sudden, this unmarked white van also pulls into the driveway.

Nestle has a weak spot for humans (like no service dog ever has, trust me) so she was wiggling everywhere and failed to realize that that's weird. But she's a dog and she hasn't gotten training in that area so that's fine. It's just kind of funny. But I got my phone out and ready to dial in one millisecond and so the guy came out of the van with an apology face, and I said, "Can I help you?" And he just really sheepishly goes, "My van broke down, and I'm the FedEx guy. Got a package for Rebecca" so that was funny. I was like, "Dude, what?" and told him it's weird that they couldn't get him a replacement van that was actually marked. So that was fun

Then I checked the mail like a good daughter of someone who previously hadn't checked the mail for five years. And there was another creepy letter. I assumed it was more "Death to Jews" mail so I got ready to report this one too, but I decided maybe I could carefully open it, outdoors, where the wind would probably take anything away. IT WAS A LETTER FROM f*ckING AT&T. JUST SAYING TV BUNDLES ARE CHEAP NOW. f*ck THOSE GUYS.

 

[littleoc]

Dove says hi. You can't see her, but she's trying to move the webcam cover out of the way. I have no idea if she knows what the webcam is for, but you know. :P :D

 

[Kubash16]

Don’t you just love irresponsible mothers? Lol

 

[littleoc]

She says hi better now lol

 

[littleoc]

My webcam quality is low but at least it tries

Don’t you just love irresponsible mothers? Lol

Lol, yeah... At least she's optimistic?

 

[Kubash16]

My webcam quality is low but at least it tries


Lol, yeah... At least she's optimistic?

Is it optimism or being delusional? Lol my mom does stuff like that too. Can’t make the house payment this month but I sure made sure to pay the cable bill. ?‍ Cause ya know, might lose the house but the house will still have cable. Logic? Lol

 

[bellbird]

Hi Dove!!! And hi @littleoc and NoodlePoodle (I'm making my own nicknames for her now lol)

YOU ARE A LOVING KIND AND FABULOUSLY GOOD PERSON!

I'm yelling this at you too, btw.
@Freida is right. What happened to you was awful and you deserved none of it.
You are a very very good person.
I feel so thankful that we've crossed paths (even though I hate what brought us both here), because my life is so much better with littleoc in it :hug:

That spot on my groin is hurting so I really should chill.

When did you last clean it with peroxide?
Do you know if there could be any foreign bodies(e.g. bits of metal) in the wound under the skin?
And does it look inflamed or infected (red/hot to touch/oozing pus etc)?

I have lots of scars on my upper thighs too. They don't make you a bad person though. Neither does anything else you've said :hug:

 

[littleoc]

Logic? Lol

Ha, yeah.....

I think for my mom it was probably a stress response, but I suppose we'll see.

Hi Dove!!! And hi @littleoc and NoodlePoodle (I'm making my own nicknames for her now lol)

Hi!!!!!!

And Nestle says hi!!!

I feel so thankful that we've crossed paths (even though I hate what brought us both here), because my life is so much better with littleoc in it :hug:

Thank you :hug:

Life is better with you in it, too :hug: :hug: :hug:

When did you last clean it with peroxide?
Do you know if there could be any foreign bodies(e.g. bits of metal) in the wound under the skin?
And does it look inflamed or infected (red/hot to touch/oozing pus etc)?

It happened about thirteen years ago, so it shouldn't be an issue anymore. A doctor cut into it again out of "necessity" (he said during that it wasn't necessary and a nurse had to hold me down, it was nightmarish) and didn't say what he found. Just that it wasn't cancer. (All my doctors always think I have cancer. It's bizarre.)

I am not sure if there's anything foreign in it? Could be a bit of gauze in there maybe. That wouldn't be odd, with the way it kept healing with the gauze pressed into it. That wasn't my decision.

I quit using peroxide after a long time. It was oozy during that time, but I've thought about it and I was probably seeing a bunch of gooey cell guts. Which is perfect bacteria food but on the bright side, I never got a serious infection. :)

Other doc messed with it while I was unable to consent to treatment for something arguably extremely unnecessary for a patient with a head injury. That was in early 2017. I don't think he was trying to be malicious, I think my brain just took it that way? He allowed Nestle into the operation area which was sketchy but whatever.

I have no idea why this is so hard to talk about. It was seriously a minor issue. I promise. :)

I have lots of scars on my upper thighs too. They don't make you a bad person though. Neither does anything else you've said :hug:

:hug: