Christmas

[Mach123]

I like Christmas. I have a hard time, but I still like it. We are in a new house and it's our first Christmas here. We skipped Halloween (I was home with the lights out). Thanksgiving was ok. We compromised on the tree. Compromise is difficult for us, but we did it. It only took thirty years. I thought I'd try and do my Christmas posts in public instead of my diary because I can't get around to doing it.
So if you love it or hate it or whatever and you want to say something I hope you will. If not, I'll be in my diary where I am mostly. Merry Christmas everyone.

 

[Missycat]

@Mach123 - good for you for sharing and posting.
I have mixed feelings about Christmas , i enjoy it now and sometimes as a kid but have some horrible memories too and some triggers i keep a look out for . There is a famous old movie about a flying car ( i dont even want to type the name of the movie!) - i cant bear to watch it, an ad for it or hear the music .. i actually feel nauseous now thinking about it ! It brings back an awful memory .... urgh.
So as i say mixed views on Christmas

 

[rosey]

I hate it. I go through the motions for the sake of my children. It tears me apart though. My husband buys only presents for his parents, I have to do the rest, including my own from him. I spend the time making sure everyone else has a nice mas my husband, my children the in laws. But my heart breaks the whole time. I would love to have parents to spoil me with attention and gifts, I get only what I but for myself while watching my husband open from his family. I spend hours getting the house set and food ready while everyone sits around spending time with each other. My toxix family spend the day together and it feels like I have no place come xmas. Birthdays and christmas berak my heart.

 

[Kubash16]

I don’t necessarily have any bad memories associated with Christmas and I used to absolutely love it. But my marriage kind of killed it for me. Holidays of any kind were an excuse for exH to go ballistic and take it out on everyone and now, I have no kids, no family I’m close to, it just sucks. No one listens about what I ask for and no one else seems to care about anything so my fire for holidays has been pretty drastically put out.

 

[Mach123]

I was a wreck about it especially when we were first married. It was all stuff about my family breaking up and so on. My wife just forced it. She just forced it for the kids. I've calmed down now. My kids are grown. My parents are dead. So are hers. We compromised on the tree. We did it together which means I got a small tree which was what my wife wanted. At first she said she wanted no tree at all. I said "can we please do this together because I just don't want to fight about this year." We always fought about it to the point it was sort of automatic. I don't know if I have in or if she did. It's not important. We did something together as much as we could and that's something for us. Stopping the auto pilot.

I put some lights outside. The tree is by the window. It's peaceful. I used to be totally mental about the whole thing. I guess the years in trauma therapy have been good. We moved this year and we are just settling down. I suppose the resolution of the housing crisis we were living in for so long helps a lot. Just having somewhere to be. I don't have to worry about family or relatives. I have to send gifts to the kids.
I'm happy just to be able to do it. I used to be afraid of it because I knew I was going to be upset. I don't think I'm worried anymore. Not about the holidays.

 

[MyWillow]

I am super conflicted.

I really love the traditions my partner and I have created around music and food and our pets. I haven’t participated in a “family” get together for 10-15 years.

That said I often spend the several days around it frozen and shaking in my room and have to work really hard to just get out into the living room. This has been getting worse and worse each year.

The difficult thing is I don’t remember ANY Christmases before I was in my early 20s. It’s like a total blank. So I don’t know why I hate it so much.

So the stuff we do....

Christmas music only from December 1st - he is a professional muso and I used to be so our collection is huge - choral, classical, jazz, big band, swing - no pop stars or elevator music allowed.

DVDs - all the Christmas episodes we can find in our collection...Yes Minister, Vicar of Dibley, Dame Edna etc etc

A real tree - dressed with really classy decorations, including ornaments from countries we’ve visited and a named bauble for each of our pets at Rainbow Bridge.

A photo of all the dogs - with reindeer antlers and anything else I can find - in front of the tree. That takes quite a bit of cheese to get everyone looking in the same direction. Fortunately they alll have great sit stays.

Outside lights - on the deck. These can be as kitsch as you like. We decorate the cat enclosure as well.

Food - it’s Summer here so we often make a bunch of salads on Christmas Eve and then do a ham, stuffed chicken plus prawns/crayfish on the kettle (coal) BBQ. Sometimes we can’t be bothered and do it Boxing Day. I usually make French toast with proper maple syrup (brought home 1L from Canada lol), double cream and fresh raspberries and blueberries. Champagne for breakfast which might be around 11am. Whenever we feel like it really.

Present opening - it’s mostly about the dogs and cats lol but it’s super fun to have the dogs sitting perfectly waiting for their present, which they then shred open and protect from each other. That said we have to keep presents hidden until then as one of mine goes through them and shreds open all the ones with dog toys lol

 

[Mach123]

Getting the smaller tree was a giant leap for me. Everything in my life is a giant pattern, most of it's based on the reenactment of my abuse or that's how I look at it. Like setting up the trigger and then living out the episode that follows. I know for certain (as certain as I am about anything) that I do this and always did it and it happens on an almost completely sub or unconscious level.

Maybe that's what "better" is or what it means? I feel like I'm doing that less because I am having those feelings less.

The "Christmas patterns" are diminishing. We have 3 kids at home, our two adult autistic daughters and our youngest son. All are twenty somethings. The autistic kids are little kids and always will be. So it's still Christmas for them like when they were young but that's a pattern also, they repeat everything.

There are a couple things I "have" to do but it's not as bad.

I have to watch "Scrooge" with Alistair Sim. I have to watch "A Charlie Brown Christmas," and "How the Grinch stole Christmas. (the original one with animation by the bugs bunny guys and Boris Karloff narrator. I'm pretty much going to cry at all three.

I have to put the lights on the tree and get out the Christmas tree stand (this is since I'm married and these are assigned "man" duties.)

Someone will come over the house. I don't think we ever went to anyone else's house. I have a sister and a couple nieces we are estranged. My wife has some family around still. She is the leader of her family since her mother passed.

 

[blackemerald1]

Well this year Christmas is going to be great bc my children are coming to my home... I've been in here one year now woohoo!!

So they are doing the travelling this year and staying for several days. I am quite happy about it but growing steadily anxious too. But I will keep that a secret... don't tell anyone hey?? :unsure:

 

[Teasel]

Going to have a very low key Christmas indeed and I'm happy about that really. I've bought presents for Mr and treated myself to some new silver rings. I used to get upset about him not getting me anything but cant be bothered to do that to myself anymore.

I'll cook Christmas dinner, buy a box of chocs and a couple treats and watch some TV.

 

[Nessa7]

I've been having a better time this year. I still can't stand being around my family much, but I have been enjoying things more. Triggers have been bothering me less, so I feel a lot more steady. I would like it if I could get a little more enthusiastic, but maybe that will happen as it gets closer.

I am filling out my Christmas cards tonight. It is a little late this year, but I still have time.

 

[blackemerald1]

I am filling out my Christmas cards tonight. It is a little late this year, but I still have time.

Me too! I think there's time... surely?? :wtf:

 

[Neverthesame]

I'm indifferent to Christmas.
I used to hate it when I was living paycheque to paycheque. Actually enjoyed it somewhat when I became gainfully employed.
Last couple of years, I just don't care about it. Maybe it's depression, maybe not. Dunno.... meh.