We Should Not be Ashamed Of Having PTSD

[Lady of Longbourn]

I was at small close-friend party last night. From the very beginning I had this feeling, I could tell them what I am really feeling, and to be honest I wanted too. I fought that feeling all evening. In the end I said nothing about PTSD, my feelings, any of it.

This morning I was thinking why,why did I still silence. I realized it was shame. I am ashamed they will look at me like I was nuts, or very sick, or stupid, or worse pity. :stupid:

Of course, I can't go around telling the whole world. But why not tell my family? My close friends? ( there aren't that many, but I have a few)

And if I could, I would say;

"Yes, I have mental issues. It's called Post traumatic stress disorder. It causes me to have depression, insomnia, flashbacks, nightmares...I have lots of anxiety, fear, anger problems, and showing emotions. I get hyper vigilante, if you would like to see that please take me to a movie that I haven't had time to mentally prepare myself for. I also have problems with; men, sex, crowds, and married life. I used to/did have problems with alcohol abuse, I spend a lot of time wishing I could have a drink.

It effects every aspect of my life. I can not work or go to school. Sometimes I am so depressed I have a hard time with daily chores. My married life can be on the rocks sometimes, because I am unable to have sex whenever my husband wants to. I also have problems saying I love you. I am afraid to show love, because I think I will just get hurt. I have trust issues. I have almost no friends, and no best friend.

I can not just "get over it" and if I am really strong that may help, but I still need support, love and caring. I do not want pity, I just want people to understand this is what I face daily. This is my life, I live with PTSD. "

Oh, I'm sure there is more....


Anyone want to add any more??? Did I miss anything??? :think:

 

[Tinyflame]

This is JMHO and likely not a popular one, just one I'm most comfortable with:

I think that you should say whatever you feel in your heart that you wish to express, and similarly choose whom to (or whom not to) reveal, and how much, and when.

I don't know why, but sometimes I feel like I should come with a "disclaimer" about myself, I think those times I would like to be able to say "why" I may feel or react the way I do. Unfortunately those very times I am most likely to clam up, anyway.

But as I get older, I realize that everyone has their story and is (usually) suffering with something or some struggle of which others are not aware. In that regard, we have more similarites as people than we know, even if one has PTSD, another one something else, another person yet another struggle. But generally speaking, they don't mention it. I follow the lead of whom I am with.

I, for myself, would only disclose that about myself if I trusted the other person implicitly, and/ or thought it may help them. And I would add the caveat that I would not say anything, either, if I thought they wouldn't understand, didn't care, would use it against me, or wouldn't respect my privacy.

I guess what I mean is, revealing the facts of ptsd may also come across as just a whole pile of negatives, it sounds like a litany of all the ways in which you fall short, and none of the ways you succeed or persevere or enjoy life. For example, most people without PTSD still experience a lot of fear, still want a drink or a way to cope under pressure and frustration, still get depressed, still have anger issues, still have a less than ideal marital or sexual relationship, still have problems saying I love you, etc., and lots have had horrific childhood and adulthood experiences. They'll never likely say it, or admit they go through that also, but it is so.

I believe also that you need and deserve support, love and caring, and the best way is to inform someone who cares about you how to provide that. But if they do not care, likely they won't be interested. Also, being that it can be so overwhelming, being specific about how best to manage one small situation at a time, sometimes is easier for others to comprehend. For example, even the fore-knowledge you may have bad days/ need to isolate, that it's not personal but plans may change. Or that you may find it hard to express what you are feeling, but that doesn't mean that you don't feel it, and you will try. Or to talk to your husband about what you need him to do or you just don't feel safe/ can't respond in the way he wants, etc. Specific examples.

Anyway, like I said, JMHO.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I don't know why, but sometimes I feel like I should come with a "disclaimer" about myself, I think those times I would like to be able to say "why" I may feel or react the way I do. Unfortunately those very times I am most likely to clam up, anyway.

I feel this way too.

 

[catjudo]

Ayesha--
I'm curious, and you don't have to share if you don't want to, but how long have you been married? Do your PTSD symptoms pre-date your marriage or did they start after your marriage?

 

[GodSeeker]

I was at small close-friend party last night. From the very beginning I had this feeling, I could tell them what I am really feeling, and to be honest I wanted too. I fought that feeling all evening. In the end I said nothing about PTSD, my feelings, any of it.

This morning I was thinking why,why did I still silence. I realized it was shame. I am ashamed they will look at me like I was nuts, or very sick, or stupid, or worse pity. :stupid:

Ayesha, don't you see that you are as normal, as healthy as everybody else? What you just wrote is the brightest proof of it. The first reaction of a healthy person who is hurt, is to tell others about his/her feelings. You try to throw the toxins out whenever you could. You still want to do that and, in my case, it happens when I am in peace with myself so I could catch these healthy thoughts.

What stops us from doing that? What keeps our fears inside ourselves and prevent them from bursting out?

Well, I don't know how much you suffered form this "illness" that medical convention calls "PTSD" (I like to call it fear, sadness,...) I couldn’t t tell from your age as you could have it from childhood or could be recent, but I can tell you that I had it since...well, I lost the counts!! I learned a lot.


For example: We suffer more from our shame to be sad, from being different (because there is a motive), from not fitting into the model of a person society believes in than from our situation per se.

What is more normal to bleed when we are cut?

We should be happy, shouldn't we? Who would like the company of a sad person? Maybe there is a lot of people who would, but WE THINK that no body would love, care, want, look after, etc...a person who has some "mental issue", who has not that huge smile on his/her face like the pictures on the TV advertising, who thinks too much, who only talks about problems and difficulties. People want fun, adventures, laugh, entertainment and it seems that we FAILED all that.

We are ashamed and we curse the day this problem started in the first place. We hate ourselves because "that" happened to us. Why did it happen to us and not to...the politicians, the thieves, the bad people? What did we do to deserve "this"?

We just think: "you don't know how hard this could be unless you've got it but you don't so why bother explain" So we continue feeling pity about ourselves and blaming the lack of understanding of others (which could be true or not)

But the real problem, regardless of what people could think, is what WE think about ourselves. Hell!! What's more normal (and healthy) than experience fear, sadness, despair when one has a motive to?

Look at it this way: Only a piece of stone could be broken into dust and feel nothing (I may be wrong). We are from flesh and bones! On the contrary, it would be insane if being seriously hurt, we continue our life like nothing had happened.

Sadly, in the same manner as “normals”, we are too influenced by how we think we should be, by how people like us to be, by what advertisings give to us as the model of the modern man/women. Don't doubt it! We would burry ourselves than displease those beliefs. We would terribly suffer than surmise a word, a thought or a glance of rejection coming from others. We just ignore the wound and carry on “living” We put a mask on to look as everybody else.


That mask is called PTSD.

JMHO

 

[Lauren]

**SIGH** these are the lies we tell ourselves..... I am not going to live according to those lies. There has to be a way to find the truth, remember and then put to rest the things done to us. It's over, no more. Can we just choose to live a normal, happy life? Will we always feel "different" and "abnormal"? There has to be a way out of this....and I intend to find it ;o) I hope we all do!

 

[Jade-]

Although I'm not ashamed of having ptsd, I haven't told anybody i've been diagnosed with it. Wait, maybe I am ashamed afterall...

 

[Jline]

When I first moved to this city I went out for coffee with a friend. I met a new people and actually saw someone that I knew already. She asked me how I was doing, how had I been. I gulped...do I tell her the truth or do I just say "oh i'm great, how have you been?" Then the words just kinda came out. I told her, actually I am newly diagnosed with PTSD so I am dealing with some issues. I was released from the psych unit a month ago and am trying to start over. She had a lot of questions, which I answered the best I could but I was anxious. She gave me a hug at the end and we are still friends today.

The friend I was with said to me afterward..."You shouldn't tell people that STUFF, they are going to think you are crazy."

I was astounded and saddened by this opinion. I said to this friend..."How could I be ashamed of a process that has saved my life." If it had not been for the hospital and the DIAGNOSIS I would be dead right now" I am not ashamed. I think being honest about it has helped me accept people in my life, the right people. It has helped me work on trust issues and I have had lots of support.

The friend who said that to me said sorry but we drifted apart.

 

[kers]

I have, over time, begun to share my diagnosis and suffering with some people. I have done so gradually, for which I am glad, because I have learned how to test the waters. Some people recoil, fearfully, from the news. Some seem to understand, but don't. And some try, even though it is hard, and offer compassion even when they do not understand.

For me, not being ashamed means being willing to tell select people if and when the time is right. I can talk about it openly (even jokingly) in therapy, which is the biggest measure for me of shame.

 

[louisa]

Hello Ayesha, u r right - we shouldn't be ashamed of having PTSD - why should we hide it - lately, i feel i wanta shout it from the rooftops - it's a natural reaction to a very traumatic event/s so why should we have to feel ashamed just cos there is so much prejudice? Good luck ayesha - nice name x