Leaving my body too often

[KwanYingirl]

I’m in a difficult, protracted situation at my condo. I live in what was originally a large beach house that has been converted into 6 condos. I happen to be serving as the Secretary of the Board. The woman who was the President of the Board when I moved here hates me. She is an evil narcissist who has treated just about every woman she knows like shit. At the same time, she is a slut when cozying up to the men she deals with. If they had the misfortune to be a tradesman she’d hire to work on the building, she turned into a raging bitch and refused to pay them. By the time her term ended, no tradesmen from Portland to Portsmouth would work for us.

I am the target of her rages. It is no secret that she hates me. Three months ago I had had enough and I blocked her number on my phone to stop her incessant complaints about such things as the way I walk my dog, or that I didn’t wave to her when she drove by me or that I don’t water the plants right, you know major gaslighting. And I emailed her a well thought out document telling her that I was done with her harrassment and she could not communicate via email or texting. I forgot to add US mail to that, so of course she started mailing me letters with phoney return addresses.

She backed off and started harassing the President so now he has agreed that we need a lawyer to update our condo rules that haven’t been redone when the laws changed five years ago. My psychiatrist is the President of his condo association and he assured me that she no longer has a right to use a porch that is attached to my unit. I know we will prevail, but then her rants escalated this week and it reduced me all the way back into a frightened child, paralyzed by fear. And so here I am, asking for help. I have worked so hard on my dissociative coping mechanism. This escape method was all my mind could do at age 4, not so helpful now. I get that and I hardly ever leave my body anymore. But when I do, it ruins my day. My anxiety skyrockets, all my Shamanic tools are just useless because my f*cking brain just splits off. When I got to my T-shirt office today, I literally collapsed on his couch. He asked me where my dogs were because they are always with me. I knew they were safe at home, I was driving dissociated and I knew it and I wanted to get them to safety. I tried to journey to ask my animals to help, but I just couldn’t get to lower world. I texted my Shaman and she recorded a guided meditation and then told me to get on her black stallion and he would take me right to lower world. It worked. Just listening to her voice reminding me to breathe and to imagine I was swimming in a crystal green cave where it was warm, and so on. Well, it got me back in my body and mind. So I’m super tired of dissociating. I overuse my drugs, now I don’t have enough til they’re filled. I have enough sleeping pills. I don’t abuse them like I do my Xanax.

Here’s something else that happens when I get triggered into dissociative state. I can’t urinate. This is a body memory left over from being a small child raped by a large man. I try and try and I can’t start a flow. When I was waiting for my t, I tried to go because he is a safe place and I was able to finally empty my bladder. It flowed and flowed. I hate time travel. I hate body memories. I want to throw rocks at my neighbors unit. At least the Board is going to get our rules in line with new laws. If that doesn’t get rid of her I’ll get a protection order.

 

[blackemerald1]

And so here I am, asking for help.

I know you are asking for help but honestly you seem to have done everything possible to contain this situation and resolution seems to not be too far away.

I think you have coped well with this problem and you know what the next step is going to be should she not back off.

I'm sorry you are having this type of problem right now. I've had neighbours from hell in the past and it's not a good situation to be in. Hoping things improve from here on in for you. :hug:

 

[KwanYingirl]

I didn’t sleep very much last night but I did come to a realization. I am being cyber bullied. And I have every text and email she has sent.

 

[blackemerald1]

What are you going to do about this behaviour? Do you have any ideas?

 

[KwanYingirl]

I am compiling all the text rants and emails. I won’t read any new ones I get. I’ll just print it and put it in a file. I will take the file to the lawyer who specializes in condominium law. I’m on the Board and we’re going to have the whole thing redone to comply with current law. No one since 1986 has ever updated policies that are now illegal. My main objective is to get her banned from entering my porch. My second goal is to have her charged with cyber bullying and let the court teach her a lesson. In the meantime we are ghosting her. I want to check with the lawyer if I can sue her for theft by deceit for not providing me with the entire contents of the documents. It is 32 pages and I only got 10. I didn’t know when I bought the condo that the porch was limited common space and I would have chopped $10,000 off the asking price if I knew it was a common area. She was the President at that time. And as an aside, she specifically told me many times that the porch was mine, followed by insults for not putting furniture for it. I finally had money and now she is cyber bullying me about it. She took a picture of it and posted it in an email to the board that it was ugly and crowding the porch. She is so sure she can dictate every single action that people make here. What an ass.