Childhood Taking psychedelics and remembering my childhood

[AllisonStern]

I have been trying to remember my childhood for a while now. I had suspected some kind of CSA had happened but I couldn't pinpoint who or where and only had fuzzy details like body memories, out of place events, and missing memory.

I took psychedelics and was put in a state to remember. Some strange things started happening as I gained access to memory. A bunch of "personalities" appeared so I was having a conversation with myself, sometimes in control, sometimes just watching what was happening. The personalities I was able to identify was what I consider to be my normal self, my little, "the predator", the protector, the rebel, the mommy, the daddy, the 5-year-old, and "Squeaky". Through these personalities, I was able to learn who my assailant was (my grandfather), where it happened, and some vague details about what happened (though there's a lot missing).

One of the strangest parts was when "Squeaky" appeared I started having really bad tics. Squeaky was my childhood nickname because when I was really little I would squeak and make all sorts of involuntary noises. Before this, I've never experienced tics (at least not that I remember though I suspect the thing I did as a child might have been a tic). I've now been ticking nonstop, mostly facial and vocal tics and I don't know how to get them to stop. Does anyone have any experience with something like this? Any experience with tics or multiple personalities? Anyone experience anything where one personality has some kind of condition the rest don't? Honestly, I'm looking for advice and maybe feeling a little less alone and crazy.

 

[blackemerald1]

I took psychedelics and was put in a state to remember.

Did you do any of this ^^ under medical supervision?

Could it be that the tics occurred as a result of taking the psychedelic drugs rather than a personality?

 

[ILoveLife]

Agreed, it's the psychadelics. I had involutary jaw movements from acid for months.

Talk to a doctor!

 

[AllisonStern]

No, I wasn’t under medical supervision. I was under supervision though.

That’s a good point. I appreciate the feedback. I’ll make sure to talk to a professional.

 

[Justmehere]

One of the big side effects of psychedelics is not just tics, but altered personality and altered memories. I don’t believe your experience of various personalities while high and tics afterwards would be an indication of having DID (used to be known as multiple personality disorder.) When it comes down to it, none of us here can diagnose the cause of your symptoms now - only a mental health professional.

Even if what you experienced isn’t because of the psychedelics, pulling down walls too quickly without professional guidence can leave someone very destabilized and lead to a whole number of new problems.

You are clearly motivated to face the pain of the past. I’d suggest working with a good doc and solid trauma therapist to sort all of this out, especially because you are clearly really wanting to sort out the trauma. It has a much better chance of sorting out what happened and leave you feeling better in the long run.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’d stay away from the drugs. One bad trip could mess you up for life.

 

[Abstract]

I really do hope you see a professional. You deserve safe help. Agree with everything everyone else has said.

I don't remember stuff and that is difficult but in truth the brain is very good at knowing what it can and can't cope with. Bypass those controls and filters without proper consciousness and you risk messing with pandoras Box that can be truly dangerous. From what I have read that is what I believe. As annoying as it is I have to work with my brain. Not try to trick or bypass what it feels is safe for me.

Drugs and hypnosis can alter memory and that, along with drug"flashbacks" and possible changes in the brain, are not something I want either. Distorted memory is worse than confusion and frustration.