"Love isn't always enough." quotes from here

[user47718]

I think I will ask you all If quotes that I got from here and other places ring True to you.
I prefer people dealing with C- PTSD since the man I was involved with was dealing with this- along with BPD < I believe for sure.
I believe C< complex PTSD is different in many ways - more quotes I got from somewhere- "If you put a mature adult through a heavily abusive marriage, a concentration camp or a Prisoner of War (POW) camp, the brain's trauma-processing ability will produce as similar an outcome of consequences as those seen in early childhood trauma." =CPTSD
You may look back at what i have posted before to find more details.
a quote I got from here that rang true to me
"Love isn't always enough. You can love somebody to heaven and back and it still may not work if they're too ill to function in a relationship.
you can't help him get over or fix anything. He has a mental illness. He may never get better. In fact, this may be as good as he ever gets."


I also posted a couple things as SHAKEN- because I logged in differently on my phone than my PC.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hey @Erinout - I cannot comment because context is everything and with the first part of your post.. I am unsure of where your comments start and the quote's begin.

Love isn't always enough. You can love somebody to heaven and back and it still may not work if they're too ill to function in a relationship.
you can't help him get over or fix anything. He has a mental illness. He may never get better. In fact, this may be as good as he ever gets.

These to me ring true.. even without context they were made in.

Why do you want to know if they sound true?

 

[user47718]

My comments should not have quotes around them. I guess I didn't understand the formatting on here but it looks like the quotes are around what I meant them to be, now anyway.
Why do I want to know if they ring true?- Because it helps me to know that I am not alone in trying to understand what may never be understandable to those not going through this disorder in their own brains.
I feel love for someone and heartbreak over what affects this disorder causes him and by association, ...me.
I am coming to terms with the fact that-

Love isn't always enough

 

[EveHarrington]

I don’t think love is ever enough, not for a long lasting healthy relationship. I mean there are many other things that go into making a relationship work!

 

[Friday]

Susceptibility

Complex trauma is not specific to any age group. However, those whom endure complex trauma during early childhood are more prone to long-term and severe consequences - complex PTSD. The brain begins to place patterns and beliefs about the world during the first nine years of life, and is at its most susceptible during this time. The strength of early childhood is also that the brain is robust enough to process traumatic events. Though, this often creates a worse after-effect later in life as the brain matures and comprehends those events. If you put a mature adult through a heavily abusive marriage, a concentration camp or a Prisoner of War (POW) camp, the brain's trauma-processing ability will produce as similar an outcome of consequences as those seen in early childhood trauma

I bolded the section you quoted above, and sourced it, from the Article Understand complex ptsd (cptsd).

Not certain what you mean about it ringing true, as it’s simply sharing why there aren’t 2 types of CPTSD (childhood & adult) the same way that there aren’t myriad types of PTSD based on trauma type (rape, combat, motor vehicle accidents, etc.). The effects IE the disorder itself, is the same. So suceptibility is not specific to any age group.

Complex Trauma can have the same effect on adults as it does on children.

That’s evidence based, not opinion.

 

[user47718]

I don’t think love is ever enough, not for a long lasting healthy relationship. I mean there are many other things that go into making a relationship work!

like Communication...there can be no relationship without it
and if the kind of issues that can be talked through cause you to SPLIT from the whole relationship- Black and wht. - right or wrong, good or evil - no gray area thinking. You will just do it again in the next relationship.
More of points I read somewhere- may not be here-

*questions mostly asked when a PTSD relationship has broken down:

Why did they leave me?

• The answers are anything but simple, and they always vary per situation. Remember I said a sufferer will often struggle with emotion. They will find it difficult to feel or to understand what emotion it is they feel. In this way, making a decision to walk away from a relationship can be much easier for a PTSD sufferer, because they don't know what to feel about you. What they often do know is that they can't stay with you because it's making their symptoms worse.

From My ptsd partner left me - now what?

 

[Ronin]

Erinout, have you checked the comment section under the articles?

They often have additional personal views relating to the articles and disputing their points that you might be interested in?

 

[Friday]

if the kind of issues that can be talked through cause you to SPLIT from the whole relationship- Black and wht. - right or wrong, good or evil - no gray area thinking. You will just do it again in the next relationship

Or not. Because the next relationship will have different issues, because people are different. What’s a problem in one relationship is often a benefit, or a complete non-issue, in the next.

It doesn’t have to be universally wrong for everyone always to have been a dealbreaker in this relationship... nor does it have to repeaf in every other relationship for it to have existed in this relationship.

Talking it through didn’t work in THIS relationship. That’s all that really matters, right? What he does or doesn’t do in other relationships isn’t something you need to worry about.

 

[user47718]

Well I guess ine can always hope for a better outcome but I do know some history of his relationships and this is a quote from him back when he still communicated with me a few months ago

<mod edit to remove quoted private communication>

Whatever coping mechanisms they are trying to teach him, he was not able to apply to a sudden change of plans by me, he disappeared right in the middle of a text.
If you look back at my posts you will see more details.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think that perhaps you don’t understand how ptsd improvements can be glacial in speed...

It can take months, or even years to master one (yes, one!) coping skill....not to mention the fact that we are all different so some skills end up being completely useless at best, harmful at worst.

There are so many different kinds of therapy and so many different kinds of skills.

To give an example.... I’m in my 30’s. My most difficult symptom has been around since I was a teenager, more than two decades. I’m just now finding a skill that can throw a wrench into the gears of this problematic symptom.....not fix, oh no, that will take years to master! It’s a skill, the only skill, that was ever able to scratch the surface of one of my worst symptoms. And, who knows if this skill can even go the distance? In the end, the skill may prove worthless.

So, your ex....? He may be putting himself into therapy 10000%, but that still doesn’t mean that everything is going to start improving anytime soon.

 

[user47718]

I know... I just miss him!! He totally blocked me and disappeared after 8 months of trying to get to know each other better. I even offered to go to therapy with him if that was a possibility. I care about him very much and would just love an email or something- anything but ... poof. So sad -feel like I have post traumatic dating syndrome.... its like grieving over a death or something .

I think that perhaps you don’t understand how ptsd improvements can be glacial in speed...

It can take months, or even years to master one (yes, one!) coping skill....not to mention the fact that we are all different so some skills end up being completely useless at best, harmful at worst.

There are so many different kinds of therapy and so many different kinds of skills.

To give an example.... I’m in my 30’s. My most difficult symptom has been around since I was a teenager, more than two decades. I’m just now finding a skill that can throw a wrench into the gears of this problematic symptom.....not fix, oh no, that will take years to master! It’s a skill, the only skill, that was ever able to scratch the surface of one of my worst symptoms. And, who knows if this skill can even go the distance? In the end, the skill may prove worthless.

So, your ex....? He may be putting himself into therapy 10000%, but that still doesn’t mean that everything is going to start improving anytime soon.

He is 49 now - was diagnosed after a breakdown in 2013 when he could barely leave his house. He had a stay at the hospital after that. So I guess on that scale ...he hasn’t been in therapy that long. For most of his life- his trauma started at age 4 - He had definite symptoms and actions before that breakdown.

 

[Ronin]

Well, he made a decision?

I think it doesn’t help to cling onto him like that with a reasoning of issues.
There are issues, and then there are decisions people make about other people.

He made his about you, and the relationship, and it doesn’t really matter what led him to ghost (or if that was the actual reason). His reasons do not matter that much, you cannot fix him nor you could have before, you are not doing wrong by moving on with your life.

Its not like you failed because you didn’t understand something about him. Misunderstandings and their clarification are a two way road. A 49 year old man living on his own should be able to do a basic talk about basic things with their partner.