How do I tell my therapist to stop?

[scout86]

I am terrified of becoming attached to him.

That's probably worth picking apart. Rumor has it being attached to people is a GOOD thing.

Granted, it's not something I'm comfortable with either. But, as I understand it, people who grow up in "normal" un-messed up situations see this subject very differently. I think you actually can feel an attachment and have that feel safe. And the person can move on out of your life and you'll miss them, but the world won't seem to end. Like I said, I don't really get all of this, I'm sort of working on it, but I think what you're experiencing here is "a symptom".

He says things like he cares about me, he admires me and my struggle to do the hard work and every time he says something like that I freak and panic and I want to run as far away as fast as I can.

You recognize that that reaction isn't what "most people" would have in that situation, right? The panic is real enough, but where is it actually coming from? (I kind of know why I tend to panic in a situation like that. It's because I don't believe it, I think it's a trick, and I'm concerned about what's REALLY going to happen next.)

It would pay to bring this stuff up somehow, if you can, because I think it's all stuff that's part of "the problem" and it would be good to work through it.

 

[Abstract]

Things that hurt and are conflicting aren't always bad or bad for us. They can even be growing pains. Yes! I know its easy to say from this vantage point. And in fact the good t of the past brought you much that was good so it wasnt bad to have a connection to him and have had him say good things about you. Totally wise to discuss this in t thought.

 

[FauxLiz]

but where is it actually coming from?

I have a pretty good idea where this is coming from. I have been abused and assaulted in the past by others that claimed to care for me. So I don't trust it when people say things like T is saying because I presume there is an ulterior motive that will hurt me.

Totally wise to discuss this in t thought.

I get this but it doesn't make it any less terrifying.

 

[blackemerald1]

I get this but it doesn't make it any less terrifying.

What if, rather than approaching this from your perspective as in 'I cannot cope with you saying those things."

Could you try, 'Why do you say those things to me and how do you expect me to respond'?

Make for an interesting discussion..?

 

[zaniara]

I am struggling right now. The therapist I have been seeing since the first of the year is making me uncomfortable in sessions but I don't know how to tell him that it is problematic for me because he isn't doing anything wrong or bad. The more we talk the more I say the further away I feel like he is driving me. He says things like he cares about me, he admires me and my struggle to do the hard work and every time he says something like that I freak and panic and I want to run as far away as fast as I can.

How do I explain to him that his saying the exact things that I dream about are the things that are driving me to push him away. I think this t could do good work with me if I let him but I am also terrified of becoming attached to him to the extent that it interferes with my ability to work with him.

Oh, I relate so much to what you are struggling with! It was just like that in my therapy. And my therapist did the same thing, and actually ended up bombarding me with nice words, like love-bombing me.. And I panicked big time! I froze and couldn't speek and I just wanted him to shut up. It hurt too. And I hated it.

But I could never understand why or what it all was about. I actually told him to stop, but he actually refused, but tried to ask me what happened inside of me, what I was feeling and help me with that.

With time I got used to it a bit more. And the panic lessened.

But it's not until you wrote what you wrote I understood what it was all about! Of course I could not accept the nice words about me because it contradicted what my view on my self was. But the worst part was that some part of me longed for love and validation and that when he said those things that side woke up and it made me feel weak and starting to connect with and need him. And boy did I hate that!!

But after fighting him for such a long time and testing him and his boundaries, and provoking him, I finally grew to trust him. I think it was the first person in my life I felt total trust with.

Without trust and a relationship working with my traumas as successfully as we(WE, not only I, he was right there with me) did wouldn't have been possible.

Healing involves learning how to cope with needing others and depending on them. That's not weakness, even though my younger self came to that conclusion.. And you can do that without losing your self.

But I think you really need to decide if and how bad you want to heal and get better and then be as honest as you can with him. Write it if you can't say it. That his words make you panic and why. Only honesty can make therapy successful.

But you can't control him, then it's you running the show and if you can do that and be fine my guess is that you wouldn't be in therapy?

It's not an easy process, it's really hard, and takes time and a lot of honesty again and again. But it's worth it.

 

[FauxLiz]

So I bit the bullet and brought this up tonight. I can't tell you how much is sucked nor how freaking understanding he was which made things all the more uncomfortable. It was a good session. A hard anxious but good session. Still have a lot to process the conversation found its way to my talking for the first time about my brother (have only ever written about it and never given it to a therapist so I am pretty raw). This guy is good and I want to trust that we can do good work its just really scary.

 

[blackemerald1]

But sometimes being scared and tolerating that for a while to achieve bigger things is worth it.

I am glad you brought it up. Well done you for being so brave. He does sound like he's good and good for you. :)

 

[NightSky]

well done! That’s amazing. I’m so glad it went the way it did.

 

[scout86]

I'm glad you brought it up too! (Some of the conversations with my T that I've dreaded and avoided the most have turned out to be the ones most worth having. I totally don't get how that works!)