I wonder about your guys's experience with secondary PTSD. I'm about 4 months out of my relationship with my CPTSD sufferer. I can take out the normal (yes, agonizing at times) emotions of heartbreak and loss as a variable, which make some logical, emotional sense to me. However, there's an element in how I've been feeling, acting and reacting that feels so foreign to me: panic, uncontrollable anxiety, uncontrollable emotions that won't be assuaged by rational and reason, negativity, feelings of doom, feeling insane sometimes, a hard time picturing my future, etc. (Before you say I should go see someone, I know. I'm at it.)
What's interesting to me is that these above things are exactly what I watched my ex go through for 3 years. It almost feels as if, through a constant heightened state of empathy, compassion, and confusion, I somehow, in some way, absorbed these traits or matched them. And yes, I believe I experienced some compassion fatigue during our relationship. I felt entirely burnt out at times and numb to what was happening (which makes me feel IMMENSELY guilty in hindsight. I've never EVER not felt empathy when someone suffers. I didn't recognize myself.) The worst part is that I was entirely aware of the possibility of absorbing his PTSD and did my best to keep good emotional boundaries (his stuff, my stuff,) but even within the relationship I found myself reacting in ways I didn't recognize from myself...
What I read online is a lot about catching secondary PTSD from being exposed to, hearing about, and vicariously re-experiencing someone's traumatic events. Thinking on it, I don't so much feel that's the case with me as we obviously did not discuss these traumatic events over and over or at any length. It's more that I feel like watching his despair, seeing his hopelessness, anxiety, struggle, and suffering over such a prolonged time changed my own outlook on life. It also didn't help that his anxiety and triggered state often turned against me (though yelling, screaming, cognitive distortions, etc.)...
Thoughts? Any insight is appreciated.
What's interesting to me is that these above things are exactly what I watched my ex go through for 3 years. It almost feels as if, through a constant heightened state of empathy, compassion, and confusion, I somehow, in some way, absorbed these traits or matched them. And yes, I believe I experienced some compassion fatigue during our relationship. I felt entirely burnt out at times and numb to what was happening (which makes me feel IMMENSELY guilty in hindsight. I've never EVER not felt empathy when someone suffers. I didn't recognize myself.) The worst part is that I was entirely aware of the possibility of absorbing his PTSD and did my best to keep good emotional boundaries (his stuff, my stuff,) but even within the relationship I found myself reacting in ways I didn't recognize from myself...
What I read online is a lot about catching secondary PTSD from being exposed to, hearing about, and vicariously re-experiencing someone's traumatic events. Thinking on it, I don't so much feel that's the case with me as we obviously did not discuss these traumatic events over and over or at any length. It's more that I feel like watching his despair, seeing his hopelessness, anxiety, struggle, and suffering over such a prolonged time changed my own outlook on life. It also didn't help that his anxiety and triggered state often turned against me (though yelling, screaming, cognitive distortions, etc.)...
Thoughts? Any insight is appreciated.
