Therapist homework: Make a list of how to fix living situation (just posting in case y’all have anything to add?)

[Nessa7]

You may qualify for a supportive rental subsidy or supporting housing program. Also, reaching out to religious groups that you are not a member of can be an option.

 

[littleoc]

Thank you for all the advice. I've written it down on my list -- mostly the one where I just get out of the situation.

I am feeling very hopeless. But my reward will be the sausage I bought for myself last christmas, I think. Unless it takes another year to move out. I hope it doesn't, though, but at this rate nothing is really working out.

I'm not even entirely convinced that the house is at fault. I think my disabilities are. I'm tired of feeling worthless and of getting turned away for "being THAT kind of person." Someone today told me that everyone with PTSD is dangerous and I shouldn't be in public where I might end up giving it to other people. It made me realize that I really wish I didn't rely on a dog, because that seems to be the only thing people see anyway. I'm not a person, I'm just something broken attached to a dog. I started out 2019 with the aspiration "healthy" but all it's turning out to be is constant rejection. And randomly running into my abusive ex's mom. I'm a weird mix of fine with everything and not fine with anything. I need to stop being a failure or else I'll end up stuck here. I think what's making me hopeless is that I had made a plan to move out and it got shat on by pretty much everything that could have possibly gone wrong. I mean, my mom is now getting paid less than our bills and she's still buying me gifts constantly. So I probably won't be able to move out properly until she gets a job. I also can't focus enough to do anything properly.

Basically, me trying to make an apparently unreasonable goal is what has started showing me all this evidence that I'm worthless, good for nothing, and can't help anyone. I went from "let's fix this house" to "f*ck it I'm leaving" and neither one is working. Neither one made me happy, either. Now I'm not only triggered all day, every day, but I have to deal with the fact that I can't rely on anyone but am being forced to. I wish I wouldn't have done anything and just tried to live in the moment.

That, and now that I've tried to rush to get jobs, my confidence has gotten so low that there's no way anyone is going to talk to me. No one likes anyone who doesn't have confidence. And I can't be that while I'm this depressed. So I need to undo all the work I did or else I'll just have a breakdown and no one will help me at all.

And no, you can't tell me that that last statement is a distortion. I know from experience and so do you.

So I think what I need is mostly a perspective change on how to live with a hoarder until I can get away. And without getting her homeless. The place where I live is horrible to homeless people. I've had relatives just go missing while homeless and people refuse to help find them. I saw a pregnant woman today who was homeless and a hospital just let her go -- she had epilepsy and just lost her service dog in a house fire. I know the point of my religion is that the world needs fixing and we are responsible for making it a better place, so I did my best, and I refuse to put my family members in positions where this might happen to them.

 

[littleoc]

I talked to my therapist on Monday but she was going in circles about ways to get my mom exposed and how I need to get out and we need to think of something immediately. I kept asking for coping skills to manage the OCD and the triggers. Should I make a thread for that? My therapist wouldn't acknowledge the question.

 

[littleoc]

I'm sorry. It just really crushed me to hear what people really think of me when they see a service dog. The person questioning me was so cruel about it. Pressured me into giving a psychiatrist's name and phone number so she could verify a disorder she assumed I had. All the people there assumed and then claimed I was lying to them. The one lady kept writing down disorders I didn't have and then saying that they proved I was too dangerous to be around them. If I hadn't come with a service dog nothing would have happened. I looked them up on news sites and found they do this to everyone with PTSD and supposedly it's legal. I left in tears and I felt so humiliated. The next place I went to was nicer and didn't treat me like an outcast, but I had to make phone calls to my psychiatrist begging her not to send information they asked back to them because I don't even know what they asked for. Presumably how likely I am to shoot up their office.

I need to learn to handle criticism.

 

[bellbird]

Should I make a thread for that?

Yes.
If there's a chance it could help: always yes.

Someone today told me that everyone with PTSD is dangerous and I shouldn't be in public where I might end up giving it to other people. I

That is disgusting beyond words.
They are WRONG.
So so WRONG.

I'm just something broken attached to a dog. I

Also not true.

You are a beautiful, kind, courageous, thoughtful, intelligent and compassionate human being.
That is what you are.
Nothing less.

 

[littleoc]

You are a beautiful, kind, courageous, thoughtful, intelligent and compassionate human being.
That is what you are.
Nothing less.

I really appreciate that. Thank you

 

[Friday]

I need to learn to handle criticism

Maybe.

But in this case I’d think it’s more a case of remembering some people are rapists, abuse children, and set people on fire for fun. IE? Some people? Are. Assholes.

And their opinion of you? Is worth shit.

 

[Ronin]

I need to learn to handle criticism.

I know I overuse that word this week, but: Nahh.

As in from the whole of it, that doesnt sound like criticism, that just sounds as people being abusive douches without a clue for the fun of it. And that is on them, not on you.

... and, gee, harassing people for information that they are so not entitled to (like your treating physician, let alone specialist doctors as a psych), not all that surprised at the someones who would turn up to shoot their office.

You have a patience of a saint.

 

[Justmehere]

Someone today told me that everyone with PTSD is dangerous and I shouldn't be in public where I might end up giving it to other people. It made me realize that I really wish I didn't rely on a dog, because that seems to be the only thing people see anyway.

This is not criticism. This is being a dumbass revealing one’s ignorance. The person who said this to you is an uninformed fool. Idiots and fools are too plentiful this world but they do not define you.

I'm sorry. It just really crushed me to hear what people really think of me when they see a service dog.

When I leave the PTSD out, an odd number of people think I’m a trainer of service dogs for others because I have no visible disability....if they think of me at all.

Most people do not actually think that much about others. They really don’t. Most people are simply thinking about themselves and their own problems. Even if they notice a cute dog.

As far as the house, it’s actually probably not helping your mother avoid bad outcomes of the situation to stay there. I know it feels like it is, but it’s not. Your therapist isn’t cruel and her goals are good. By leaving, a couple things are more likely to happen: your mother has to work a lot harder to give you gifts, she faces more motivation to increase her employment and/or save money. It’s also possible things will get worse with the house until it gets condemned or she reaches some other rock bottom and she finally gets help.

You staying there enables her to stay stuck with things just like they are now. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

You know something bas to change. You have a lot of courage to keep facing this situation and keep wrestling with possible solutions. It’s not easy at all. My heart goes out to you!

 

[ms spock]

A couple of good books to read @littleoc are

1) David Burns "Feeling Good"
and
2) "The Assertiveness Workbook: How to express your ideas and stand up for yourself at work and in relationships"
Randy Paterson, Ph.D.
3) "Overcoming Worry and Generalised Anxiety Disorder", 2nd Edition A self-help guide using cognitive behavioural techniques
by Mark Freeston, Kevin Meares

The more strategies and ideas that you have in your tool box the better?

Good Luck!

 

[littleoc]

But in this case I’d think it’s more a case of remembering some people are rapists, abuse children, and set people on fire for fun. IE? Some people? Are. Assholes.

And their opinion of you? Is worth shit.

That makes sense.

You have a patience of a saint.

Hah, thanks.

Most people do not actually think that much about others. They really don’t. Most people are simply thinking about themselves and their own problems. Even if they notice a cute dog.

That helps a lot to remember. I think it’s true.

Good Luck!

Thank you. And thank you for the resources :)

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

It made me realize that I really wish I didn't rely on a dog, because that seems to be the only thing people see anyway.

Just in case it makes you feel better .... whenever I see someone with a dog, my immediate impulse is to ask if I can pet it, and then start up a conversation with its owner. If I see a vest on the dog that indicates it is a working dog, I don't say anything at all, because I don't want to distract the dog from whatever task it is doing. But generally? I assume dog owners are friendly, kind, approachable, and my immediate new friends.

I think most people think this way. There is a working dog where I work, and sometimes it has its vest on and sometimes it doesn't. When it isn't working, people text each other to come quickly and pet it before the chance goes away .... with their only thought about the chance to pet a fluffy dog, not about the condition of its person. I think most people just see cute, adorable dog.