Maybe you go do stuff for other people so at least you can say you're helping, even if you have to be in pain.
if I know someone is a shut in I'll ask if I can visit and bring them something;
I like these. I could schedule a visit with a friend and see how that goes. Socializing usually makes me feel pretty good. And helping people in general. Surely someone around here is looking for a volunteer of some kind.
I've been going to a yoga class that meets three times a week, so that's pretty fun. Maybe I could try staying afterward a little and chatting with people?
For physical labor, maybe I could clean up all those leaves in the backyard so it's prettier and more comfortable? Hopefully the lawn has gotten some fertilizing from the dead leaves sitting there all winter. It would probably be a week-long project, so a good way to get some sun, maybe.
As long as I remember to also do my school work :P
I'm taking a class by Neil Gaiman, I should be more enthusiastic. (I don't get to see him face-to-face. It's not
that special. I'm not even totally sure he knows every student who comes in. Probably not possible.)
One thing that I don't think helps is putting on a happy face and burying your sadness or depression. You can only do that for so long before it stops working. And if it stops working, you don't have any other methods to deal with the pain, which just makes it feel worse and ends up prolonging it.
That makes sense. I've been doing a lot of "fake it until you make it" and maybe that's what's going on?
My therapist pointed out that I've been living day-to-day, trying to survive in the house I'm living in, instead of focusing on goals. I want to argue with her because typically I'm a careful planner, but with all these triggers and then all the difficulties in doing anything about it, I think maybe she had a point. Especially because people here keep telling me that I'm clearly not thinking as clearly about solutions as I would be.
I canceled my appointments with my therapist. I have no money, and not only was my therapist letting me see her for pretty much free, but now she's trying to get me one of her old laptops she isn't using and I found out the yoga class I'm taking is in the same church she goes to, and I sort of panicked? Feels like red flags. I dunno. I will probably go back and see her again soon though. She hasn't
done anything. She was also my twin's and little bro's therapist and they don't have complaints. My sister sold her a diamond in her shop, said she seems cool, lol
