It's Hard To Be Honest In Sessions

[Jade-]

I'm having a very hard time being honest with my therapist. I'm paying alot of money for his help, yet the very things I need help with, I keep from him or I tell him lies.

I'm not exactly sure why I do these things. I know my dad isn't going to kill me for talking, yet I feel like he will, even though he is dead. I'm having a hard time getting past that fear.

Another thing, I have worked so hard at hiding what I really think and feel for so long that I don't know how to show the real me to my T. I'm afraid if I do, I will be locked up. I don't know how to get past that fear either.

I guess my question is, how do give yourself permission to be open and completely honest?

 

[AdamAnt]

Maybe you could ask your T what are the guidelines he/she adheres to. What are the criteria for locking someone up? I'd think that it would take a lot for them to be able to do that!

 

[kris]

I have felt the same way, it's hard for me to talk about anything really let alone ME. I have had a hard time telling my therapist anything about how I feel or felt during the abuse and even now how I feel about it. I have been in therapy with this counselor for 6 months or so and I find as the time goes on it is getting easier. I completely understand though the part about if you tell him your true feelings and thoughts you will be locked up! I was very very scared to tell my therapist just last week that I had been thinking of killing myself and had even had the pills out to do this. I totally thought telling him would mean that he was going to make me go to a hospital or something horrific like that.

I guess I need to trust him more, that's what he has said from day one is that in counseling both the patient and therapist have to be able to trust each other. Apparently I did trust him even though I was still deeply afraid to tell him, I did and he didn't make me go to the hospital. I think he was worried about me and wanted me to go if I thought I needed to would have helped me to go. I was deathly afraid though when he brought up that he needed to call someone in my family to tell them that I had been suicidal and that I needed to be monitored for this. I wanted to run out the door and never come back and be done with therapy. Luckily for me he didn't insist upon this, although after I think about it, he probably should have!

 

[Jade-]

My T. turned what I told him into authorities. I guess that's what I get for being honest. I'm pretty pissed off right now.

He told me he "has" to report anything from the "recent" past. WTF is considered recent past anyway? 5 years? 10? 20? I told him something that happened a year ago. Had I known he was going to do that, I never would have told him at all.

Part of me just wants to quit therapy now, but then the other part is thinking that I'm so screwed up, maybe I need someone to step in on my behalf since I'm not able to.

Btw, if you're wondering what it is, I told him about my drug addicted son hitting me.....but that was last year, not now.

 

[Jade-]

So does anyone know what happens now so that I will be prepared? My son is almost 20 years old, btw.

 

[Michel]

I am really surprised your therapist told "the authorities" about this. I think he's quite wrong about his obligations. As far as I know, he has a duty to keep your confidences with exceptions that have to do with reporting to authorities child abuse, elder abuse, potential serious future harm to another person, and his duty to warn a particular person herself when he has good reason to believe that person is specifically in danger of being seriously harmed by the patient. I suppose he has an obligation to have evaluated a person he believes to be a present "danger to others" even if this person is not his patient (maybe he thought your son continues to be dangerous to others?).

I suppose he might also have an obligation to report the commission of a very serious historical crime, even if he does not believe the patient poses a continuing danger. Don't know about this though. And it doesn't sound like what your son did would count as sufficiently serious.

Any professionals here have thoughts?

 

[Jade-]

I'm suprised he did too. I feel betrayed by him.

 

[anthony]

That is the problem, and you do really need to ask them first what their legal requirements are based on your location, as they change from country to country, state to state. Very confusing... but if you know first, then you know what not to tell them.

Honestly, aside from a crime, it took me a while to trust mine years ago now, when I first started seeing her. She was actually pretty tough and wouldn't cop my stubbornness, and she was right, in that once I got talking I helped myself. It was the secrets that did a lot of damage that I didn't require daily... PTSD was still there, but just not inflamed as much. We are our best and worst enemy at times. Knowing when to listen and when to trust your own instincts is always tough with trauma, as vulnerabilities exist depending on trauma type.

 

[Jade-]

It was the secrets that did a lot of damage.

Although I realize it's the secrets that do alot of damage, some things are just too painful to talk about. If it were easy, I would have already told them. I don't know how to make myself do it, and if anyone has suggestions, please tell me. I want to help myself, I just can't seem to.


Going to therapy is going to be hard now cause I will be worrying what I can tell that won't be reported. Some of the secrets are the "recent" past. I don't know whether I should risk them being reported in order to help change my life and my present circumstances. My T. thinks because I dissociate so much, I'm sometimes not able to get myself out of certain situations.

 

[Michel]

I agree with Anthony that you should find out what are the legal reporting requirements in your state. I do not myself know of a state in the US in which the reporting you describe would be required. Most states have designed relevant laws with an understanding that patient confidentiality is crucial to the patient/therapist relationship. You might also try talking to someone at a local domestic violence organization; they know the laws and also are generally familiar with the typical practices of local therapists. And they know the importance of supporting patient trust and will understand your feelings of betrayal and your worries. Once you know what the laws in your state are, what standard local practices are, and have talked to professionals who will respect your needs for privacy and trust, you might want to go back and work things out with your current therapist but you might rather find someone new.

 

[eyebiter]

Hi Jadebear I would tell your T that you are now having a hard time trusting him, with good reason! Ask him if you tell him more from the recent past is he going to report it...get it in writing so he can't side step you.

 

[Jade-]

I do plan on telling him eyebiter. Getting it in writing is a good idea. Thanks!