It's Hard To Be Honest In Sessions

[James B.]

Alright, I can see how you'd feel betrayed Jadebear. Here's an alternate perspective.

When your son struck you, he commited a crime *and* showed violence toward his mother in a domestic situation. Does he blame you for his problem? He has been incarcerated - did he get rehabilitated? Sure hope so. Let's hope his (possible?) negative feeling toward you (doesn't matter if he was under the influence, unless perhaps he didn't even realize *what* he was doing) haven't manifested in the negative during incarceration. You may think he violence wasn't aimed at *you* - are you sure?

Your T may be covering your back. He way see you as unable to see the facts clearly due to your role as mother, and as a serious trauma survivor. He would know, I wouldn't.

You may be pissed at me for having said the above, I am sorry. It isn't my intention to hurt your feelings, not at all. I respect you a great deal and admire your courage as a fellow trauma survivor.

I hope I *am* wrong and everything goes well. So sorry you are having to go through this.

 

[Jade-]

You didn't piss me off James, it's good to hear a different perspective.

My son is still in prison, he hasn't been released yet, but will be soon. I did tell my T. that I can't/won't go back to living the way I was. Maybe he is just covering my back...just in case.

I don't hink his violence was aimed at me, he was just violent, period. Mostly when he was using.

I am pretty confused right now. If the same things were to happen again, would I do anything about it or protect myself? IDK.

 

[emmat]

Although I realize it's the secrets that do alot of damage, some things are just too painful to talk about. If it were easy, I would have already told them. I don't know how to make myself do it, and if anyone has suggestions, please tell me. I want to help myself, I just can't seem to.

I pretend I'm somebody else telling the therapist about things that happened to someone I know intimatley. I find that when I've started it doesn't take long before I can drop the act and start talking. Sadly it also doesn't take long for me to 'check out' after I've started talking either so we often don't cover much ground - but it gets somethings aired.

I'll be watching this thread for other tips as I'm sure my way of dealing with it is far from the ideal.

 

[Jade-]

emmat, I don't usually have to pretend because most of the time it feels like I'm talking about some other person and not myself anyway.

It's the things that I actually have emotions about that I can't seem to talk about. I can't fake those. That's what I need help with.

 

[James B.]

Thanks Jadebear - you are a standup person.

One more thoiught - why would your T have a beef or be vindicitve toward your son?

Now, re-read the last line of your post. Your son has not been in jail, right? He's been in *prison*. I am sorry about this whole situation, very sorry about your having to deal with this.

I sincerely hope your son is ok, really do. Let's hope he isn't harboring conscious or subconscious ill will. Let's hope he got rehabilitated and is going to be fine.

Still, *your* safety and your recovery are *your* top priorities. If my abusive friend of 20 years came to my door appologizing, know what he'd get. Nothing, wouldn't even answer the door. If my sister called or showed up in my front yard ya know what she'd get - the same.

Why? Because *the burned hand teaches best* that's why...

 

[insomnia]

I just started to see a therapist and I'm kinda in your boat.

My mother is dead too and I'm having trouble telling my therapist all the cruel things she has done to me.

I think that you should do what feels comfortable to you . I wish u luck hun and hope things go great with your session.

 

[Jade-]

Thanks insomnia. But maybe I should step out of my comfort zone instead of staying stuck.(?)

I wish you luck too, it's not an easy thing to do at all.

 

[Grama-Herc]

You said you sometimes disassociate and your therapist fears you are unable to protect yourself, or get out of situations safely . This could be the reason your T. reported the situation. While I disagree with the incident being reported, I can see how your T. was thinking. Have you asked "WHY" the report? The best thing you can do IMHO, is talk to your T. Take a deep breath, close your eyes and just let it out. Tell ""All"" the secrets, pain, shame, fears, anger---everything. It will then get easier to be helped.

No, it is not easy. Yes it will hurt. But take it from someone who has been through it----it is worth every tear and all the pain. Therapy will not work without your help and honesty. I wish you luck and healing

 

[anthony]

Although I realize it's the secrets that do alot of damage, some things are just too painful to talk about. If it were easy, I would have already told them.

I understand that... but right now, from my perspective, that should be your #1 goal. You know the problem, you understand the problem, but you haven't surpassed your own fears to remove the problem. When you "do" vs. "think" about doing, then you will get some relief. Ball is now in your court.

Yes... there are issues due to your other aspect with confidence now. If you can't trust your therapist, you need to get a new one. Its actually that simple.

 

[Jade-]

Thinking about doing is probably harder than actually doing.....

 

[Deleted member 5760]

I have to say I agree with anthony Jadebear. It may be difficult, but therapy is not going to serve it's purpose until you're willing to speak the truth to your therapist. Of course it's hard, but you want the help. There's no use seeking help, paying for help and then pushing it away when the opportunity is there. Took me a couple of years to get help - I wish I'd done it sooner.

For me, personally, I did it for those around me too. I'll get a bit emotional saying this - but I watched a relationship crumble. I saw friendships suffering. I didn't want that anymore. I even did it for my future partner too believe it or not. Whoever she may be, at least I know I'll have equipped myself with the tools to try to have a healthy relationship next time around. I wanted help and that meant talking about things I did not wanna speak of. I'm still doing that and its hard, but I think its neccesary.

As for the confidence issue - yes, if that therapist has blown their trust then go to another one. It often takes people a while to find the right fit so you're not alone there.

 

[anthony]

Thinking about doing is probably harder than actually doing.....

Thinking about doing is actually the problem. You nailed the issue. Thinking about doing creates anxiety, which leads to fear. Just doing, with the least thought as possible, then reflecting on what you just achieved and how easy it was compared to all the prior thought, engages your brain as a reference to do more, think less about specific exposure therapy aspects. Doing is exposure therapy. Exposure therapy is what gives CBT its best results when combined with the theoretical aspects learnt.

You set yourself a small goal, and you reach that goal. You then increase the goals size / complexity and achieve that new level, repeat process.

Work out your goal prior to the exposure, then follow through with the doing and leave the thinking out as much as possible. PTSD will react regardless sub-consciously, just don't let the brains fear hold you back, instead take control of your brain by doing, then your brain suddenly no longer takes control when you further your goals, instead the repercussions begin to minimalize the more you do.