Relationship He’s a vet with PTSD, I gotta let go

[Ingreyeyes]

Met “Joe” on online dating. He explained his PTSD shortly after we met. I remember crying on my way home, his pain, his fear, he’s divorce (she’s a vet w/ptsd) he’s alone, but I like him.
I’ve tried like hell to get through his walls. I’ve read books, articles and even forums on Combst PTSD-
So it’s been 7 months... he has said I’m pushy. I do tend to be motherly. I’ve had cancer and suffer from anxiety myself. I want to fix everything!
I feel if someone wants to see you or be in a relationship they will do things-text, call, just the things I’ve had in other relationships. He’s distant at times he wants to talk other times who knows if he’d ever talk to me.. . I truly care for him and I told him. I think that was a mistake. It’s all a mess and we haven’t talked in days. It kills me that I may never see him. I don’t know what else I can do but let him go

 

[bellbird]

I feel if someone wants to see you or be in a relationship they will do things-text, call, just the things I’ve had in other relationships

PTSD is, unfortunately, a whole other ball game. And isolation will get in the way of all of those things; texting, calling, even if deep down part of us wants to connect.

It’s all a mess and we haven’t talked in days.

This really isn't a long amount of time in the world of isolation.

I think it's really important you take a good think about whether a PTSD relationship is something that you want to commit to.
What has his pattern of isolation been like over the last 7 months?

I do tend to be motherly. I’ve had cancer and suffer from anxiety myself. I want to fix everything!

I worry, seeing this.
It isn't your character at fault, it's just whether you character is a fit for a PTSD relationship. Wanting to fix everything and being motherly can have the absolute reverse effect from what you are intending, pushing your sufferer away and lead to more isolation (I speak as a sufferer, myself).

These relationships are incredibly tough at times on our supporters. You have a whole sub-forum of them here who I am sure could vouch for that :) even for a supporter without any physical/mental illnesses.
When you add your cancer journey and anxiety into that, that is a lot for a human being to take on whilst still making sure they're taking care of themselves.


I'm really glad you've found the forum. And I welcome you here.
You'll find a lot of support in those who understand what that side of PTSD is like.

 

[anon1234]

This really isn't a long amount of time in the world of isolation.

Unfortunately, @bellbird is correct...I’m on 7 weeks or so now. And that’s a pattern. These types of relationships are tough and the dynamics are not like anything you would read about traditional dating. The rules of “he’s just not that into you” simply don’t apply. My lifestyle is compatible with the isolation but I still get anxious from time to time. It’s only natural.

There are no rule books and it is like walking on eggshells. I have sent things that I have no idea how they’ve been interpreted since its crickets. If it makes things any better, in retrospect things were never as bad as I had feared. Wishing you and your partner all the best.

 

[Ingreyeyes]

See I’m thinking if He’s just not that into you kinda theory. It just hit me!! I’m 200% willing to try I do care for him.
I think when he doesn’t reply back it’s like a rejection.
Ty so much and I’m glad u found this site

 

[anon1234]

I had a feeling you’d fallen into that trap. Take a look at @Freida ’s thread “What are they thinking?”
Very helpful

 

[Ingreyeyes]

PTSD is, unfortunately, a whole other ball game. And isolation will get in the way of all of those things; texting, calling, even if deep down part of us wants to connect.

This really isn't a long amount of time in the world of isolation.

I think it's really important you take a good think about whether a PTSD relationship is something that you want to commit to.
What has his pattern of isolation been like over the last 7 months?

I worry, seeing this.
It isn't your character at fault, it's just whether you character is a fit for a PTSD relationship. Wanting to fix everything and being motherly can have the absolute reverse effect from what you are intending, pushing your sufferer away and lead to more isolation (I speak as a sufferer, myself).

These relationships are incredibly tough at times on our supporters. You have a whole sub-forum of them here who I am sure could vouch for that :) even for a supporter without any physical/mental illnesses.
When you add your cancer journey and anxiety into that, that is a lot for a human being to take on whilst still making sure they're taking care of themselves.


I'm really glad you've found the forum. And I welcome you here.
You'll find a lot of support in those who understand what that side of PTSD is like.

I’ve wondered if the cancer survivor was a lot for him to handle.

I had a feeling you’d fallen into that trap. Take a look at @Freida ’s thread “What are they thinking?”
Very helpful

ok I will for sure

 

[anon1234]

I’ve wondered if the cancer survivor was a lot for him to handle.

I’ve got my own issues too. As far as I know, that’s never been it. It’s always been about his need for isolation because his cup was full.

 

[Ingreyeyes]

He likes to stay in his man cave at home a lot. I know he has medicine but I think he’s not taking it like it’s prescribed or at all

 

[anon1234]

Same. Unfortunately that doesn’t help things.

 

[bellbird]

I think when he doesn’t reply back it’s like a rejection.

Absolutely.
From what I have learnt from supporters here, is that it's important to make the mindset shift from "rejection" to "I know it's not personal". Otherwise the relationship becomes very unsustainable very fast.

You might find these threads particularly useful:
General - What are they thinking?
General - Rant and complain thread open to all supporters

As well as having a look around the Supporter Discussion area, if you haven't already :)

 

[Ingreyeyes]

Same. Unfortunately that doesn’t help things.

But I’m that way too...so it’s like one of us has to take innovative . However I need space so I understand that need

 

[anon1234]

Congrats on beating cancer btw. You are one strong person.