Sufferer Healing, But Isolated - Stalked By Serial Rapist

[EntWife]

My therapist first suggested PTSD for me 6 months ago. I've been seeing her since I started having panic attacks 8 years ago, but only just told her about my experience being stalked by my ex, who raped 2 of my friends, was accused of rape by 3 other women in my presence, and carved my name into one of his assault rifles shortly before my wedding. I don't know how this SoB does it, but he had me (like my friends who he raped) convinced that it was MY fault. So I was too afraid to talk about him - I was afraid he'd show up again if I did. Then I ran into him in traffic even though I hadn't and that broke my mythical thinking and allowed me to talk to my therapist.

I feel like I'm doing pretty well, considering I've only been working directly on this for 6 months (I'm sure the 8 years of therapy where I avoided talking about him helped). My anxiety is SO much better and my triggered moments only last HOURS, rather than DAYS.

BUT I'm finding it really hard to talk to people! I feel like my mind is so consumed with all this information about sociopaths, date rape, rape culture, and PTSD that I don't have room in it for much else. I have 2 family weddings coming up next month and I'm considering leaving both fairly early. I know my family will all ask me how I've been and when I say, "busy" they'll assume I've been busy with my career and ask about that. I want to correct them and tell them, "I've been busy working on my PTSD from being stalked by a serial rapist who carved my name into one of his assault rifles," but that doesn't seem like acceptable wedding talk. Come to think of it, it doesn't sound like acceptable talk in ANY situation. But I both want to share my story and warn people about the dangers of people like my ex, who seem perfectly charming, but are capable of heinous acts!

So I guess I'll try this forum - I feel like I'm terrible at giving advice, but maybe venting will help?

Thank you for reading!

 

[Friday]

Welcome to the community!

when I say, "busy" they'll assume I've been busy with my career and ask about that. I want to correct them and tell them, "I've been busy working on my PTSD from being stalked by a serial rapist who carved my name into one of his assault rifles," but that doesn't seem like acceptable wedding talk. Come to think of it, it doesn't sound like acceptable talk in ANY situation.

No lie.
My fav therapist spends a few months a year doing trauma counseling in the 3rd world (combat zones, refugee camps, natural disaster, etc.). Which is like, 2/3s of my trauma history (combat vet, SAR, aid worker, disaster response). So we get on like a house on fire.

At one point when he was recently returned we were doubled over laughing about “Oops! Wrong audience!!!” moments... because he was still in the mental headspace of being overseas and having to shift gears rather forcibly to interact socially.

The joke about the mass grave? Is absolutely hilarious... amongst aid workers... not at the PTA! :bag: (that’s one of mine, btw. Thank goodness my kid wasn’t at that school for very long. I really just open mouth insert foot with that one.)

He (my old therapist) doesn’t have PTSD, but it’s a very human thing to talk about what you’re thinking about, and people tend to think about what they’re doing. (And disorder symptoms are simply that - human things, taken to the extreme.) Whether that’s work, being in love, dealing with profound illness, raising kids, quitting drinking, whatever.

Having a group of people who understand where your head is? Who laugh at the same things you laugh at (the recoiled horror at the PTA I still just cringe over... I know better, I promise I know better, but my head wasn’t in the right time/place.), get mad at what you get mad at, cry over what you cry over, shrug off what you shrug off, struggle with what you struggle with? The clarity of shared experience? Is just one of those invaluable things. In the military and first response it’s comraderie. Amongst alcoholics it’s fellowship. In psychobabble it’s peer support.

There are times and places it’s totally kosher to talk about someone carving your name on their assault rifle. This is one of them. Welcome.

 

[EveHarrington]

I feel like I'm terrible at giving advice

If you’re speaking from experience, your own personal experience, I’m positive that you can help! Sometimes all it takes is making someone not feel alone and you can completely shift their mindset.

But I both want to share my story and warn people about the dangers of people like my ex, who seem perfectly charming, but are capable of heinous acts!

I think this is all we can do! Sadly, most people won’t believe you, at least when you’re talking about someone in particular, and they’ve only seen the charming superficial side.

The bad people are always “out there”.

Bad things don’t happen to me.

I could easily spot an abuser, I won’t fall for it!

Sadly, these are lies people tell themselves to make themselves feel better.

Just look at Elizabeth Holmes. She fleeced MANY people out of millions (billions?) of dollars. (WALGREENS!) She’s moved on to her fiancé, who is totally snowed. The poor guy doesn’t stand a chance. Interventions by his friends and family have gone nowhere. Because, after all, these people are just “misunderstood”, deep down they are good people! *rolls eyes*

 

[EntWife]

Thank you all for the welcoming words and likes!!!