BlueSkiesAhead
New Here
I really feel like I’m done with everything, I can’t stand being me and feeling like this for another second.
Often I get really overwhelmed with how I’m feeling and I feel hopeless and suicidal. Tonight has been really hard and I have struggled. I have managed to not do anything to end my life but I have been close and in the end I self harmed (nothing too bad).
I’m anxious/scared 24/7, I get intrusive thoughts of events I’d rather forget and I can never relax because I’m constantly feel anxious/waiting for something to happen. It’s honestly horrific and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
I have been seeing a psychologist for a short while now but because I have only had a handful of sessions we haven’t really spoken about anything in much detail. I did post on this board previously asking what would happen if I told my therapist I felt suicidal but I didn’t manage to do that and I did something really stupid.
I filled in the depression/risk form prior to the session and wasn’t honest! I know this was a stupid move but at the time I couldn’t bring myself to be brutally honest in case he ran away with it and because I felt completely put on the spot filling it in in front of the them. Ugh.
Honestly I hardly even read the questions and just put down in the middle answers (one I even put on the wrong side by accident giving it a lesser score but I didn’t correct it). The therapist mentioned that the results were down a lot from the last time the forms had been done (about two weeks prior) because last time I filled them in it was over the phone which seemed easier because it wasn’t face to face. This time for some reason I just couldn’t mark down how I really felt.
Now I feel like I’m stuck and I can’t talk about it because I wasn’t honest last time and going forward I don’t think I’ll be able to fill it in saying just how bad I feel. I already detest filling them in at all.
Has anyone else done anything similar and filled it in to lessen how bad things are? Did you then tell your therapist what you had done at a later session and how did they react?
Often I get really overwhelmed with how I’m feeling and I feel hopeless and suicidal. Tonight has been really hard and I have struggled. I have managed to not do anything to end my life but I have been close and in the end I self harmed (nothing too bad).
I’m anxious/scared 24/7, I get intrusive thoughts of events I’d rather forget and I can never relax because I’m constantly feel anxious/waiting for something to happen. It’s honestly horrific and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
I have been seeing a psychologist for a short while now but because I have only had a handful of sessions we haven’t really spoken about anything in much detail. I did post on this board previously asking what would happen if I told my therapist I felt suicidal but I didn’t manage to do that and I did something really stupid.
I filled in the depression/risk form prior to the session and wasn’t honest! I know this was a stupid move but at the time I couldn’t bring myself to be brutally honest in case he ran away with it and because I felt completely put on the spot filling it in in front of the them. Ugh.
Honestly I hardly even read the questions and just put down in the middle answers (one I even put on the wrong side by accident giving it a lesser score but I didn’t correct it). The therapist mentioned that the results were down a lot from the last time the forms had been done (about two weeks prior) because last time I filled them in it was over the phone which seemed easier because it wasn’t face to face. This time for some reason I just couldn’t mark down how I really felt.
Now I feel like I’m stuck and I can’t talk about it because I wasn’t honest last time and going forward I don’t think I’ll be able to fill it in saying just how bad I feel. I already detest filling them in at all.
Has anyone else done anything similar and filled it in to lessen how bad things are? Did you then tell your therapist what you had done at a later session and how did they react?