tired... just tired....

[whowouldhavethought]

Am 53, a survivor of child abuse and have found myself caring for parents with dementia for 9 years. Mom died 2 years ago and her last words to me on earth were that I am "a nasty bitch" although i saw to her every need for 6 years prior. Dad (stepdad) is kind.... although he allowed me to languish alone as a child in an apartment with no heat while he played "house" with mom... Today.. dad with alzimers .... actually, it doesn't matter... i am too exhausted to even type the story out and just want to die in my sleep. i used to be such a fighter. Now I just no longer care.....

 

[blackemerald1]

Hey @whowouldhavethought I really hope you don't die in your sleep because it seems that you have a lot of living yet to do.

I'm so sorry that your mother was verbally abusive towards you as she progressed through the dementia. I hope you understand that though nasty, hurtful and abusive words came out of her mouth...she wasn't in her right mind to understand what she was saying and even to whom she was saying those things.

I am convinced a lot of that horrible stuff must be caused by the dementia. It is possible she would not have said those words to you if she was lucid... yes?

Evenso, I do know that just hearing those words come from someone as important as your mother is so hard. It's so hard to not take it to heart and believe that she meant those words or that she had a moment of clarity and chose to be abusive. However, the truth that is more likely than not is that she was unlikely to have understood the words she used against you and anyone else that was near her as she suffered. Dementia is truly a incredibly horrible condition and not just for the sufferers.

I've still not worked out in my head why horrible, nasty words come forward rather than kind & loving words. Maybe it's fear and aggression because they are lost in their own world and nothing is recognisable or safe to them anymore? I don't know... but it's hard being on the receiving end of it for sure. :hug:

And...now you stepfather has this condition too?

Are you suffering from ptsd too? Do you have any family support or even a therapist?

Tiredness can take different forms. Emotional tiredness comes along with the physical tiredness. You really do need to look after yourself too. You know that Dementia is a one way street and takes years to progress. But you must have a life outside of the carer role too. You deserve to have some time to enjoy your own life. How much attention have you been giving to yourself?

People with dementia tend to have disrupted sleep and if you are caring for them then being on a heightened state of alert becomes the norm. Who is helping you? If no one is helping then maybe it's time to see what services and support you can obtain.

 

[whowouldhavethought]

Hey @whowouldhavethought I really hope you don't die in your sleep because it seems that you have a lot of living yet to do.

I'm so sorry that your mother was verbally abusive towards you as she progressed through the dementia. I hope you understand that though nasty, hurtful and abusive words came out of her mouth...she wasn't in her right mind to understand what she was saying and even to whom she was saying those things.

I am convinced a lot of that horrible stuff must be caused by the dementia. It is possible she would not have said those words to you if she was lucid... yes?

Evenso, I do know that just hearing those words come from someone as important as your mother is so hard. It's so hard to not take it to heart and believe that she meant those words or that she had a moment of clarity and chose to be abusive. However, the truth that is more likely than not is that she was unlikely to have understood the words she used against you and anyone else that was near her as she suffered. Dementia is truly a incredibly horrible condition and not just for the sufferers.

I've still not worked out in my head why horrible, nasty words come forward rather than kind & loving words. Maybe it's fear and aggression because they are lost in their own world and nothing is recognisable or safe to them anymore? I don't know... but it's hard being on the receiving end of it for sure. :hug:

And...now you stepfather has this condition too?

Are you suffering from ptsd too? Do you have any family support or even a therapist?

Tiredness can take different forms. Emotional tiredness comes along with the physical tiredness. You really do need to look after yourself too. You know that Dementia is a one way street and takes years to progress. But you must have a life outside of the carer role too. You deserve to have some time to enjoy your own life. How much attention have you been giving to yourself?

People with dementia tend to have disrupted sleep and if you are caring for them then being on a heightened state of alert becomes the norm. Who is helping you? If no one is helping then maybe it's time to see what services and support you can obtain.

Thank you for reaching out... i am too tired to reply now. I need to work in AM and get to bed.. but will do log in tomorrow and say more. thank you

 

[willhealeventually]

Am 53, a survivor of child abuse and have found myself caring for parents with dementia for 9 years. Mom died 2 years ago and her last words to me on earth were that I am "a nasty bitch" although i saw to her every need for 6 years prior. Dad (stepdad) is kind.... although he allowed me to languish alone as a child in an apartment with no heat while he played "house" with mom... Today.. dad with alzimers .... actually, it doesn't matter... i am too exhausted to even type the story out and just want to die in my sleep. i used to be such a fighter. Now I just no longer care.....

I am so sorry that you are going through this... and understand that feeling of exhaustion after being a fighter throughout life. I also understand that deep sadness that just wants it all to be over.
As I write, I myself am trying to climb out of my feeling incapacitated by ptsd and various life stressors that never subsided for decades.
With professional help, I am starting to make gestures toward learning how to take care of myself amidst stressful experiences. Having parents with dementia is so stressful! You give and give and I imagine you don’t feel like you get much back.
Group therapy was very helpful to me. I don’t know if you feel up to finding a support group in your area or even talking to a therapist.
I had to go into partial hospitalization because my ptsd “flared up” and we did a lot of mindfulness work, relaxation, and even meditation. I thought at first that this “crap” can’t solve my real problems. But it ended up being helpful - little changes I can now make during tough moments.
If you are exhausted, you do need to rest. That feeling of having the life sucked out of you - I know it well. Do you have extended times when you can just sleep, or are you always on call with the caretaking?

 

[shimmerz]

It seems to me like tired is exactly the way you should be feeling based on what you’ve been going through.

If I may be so bold as to ask, what are you doing for you these days?

 

[shatter eyes]

It must be hard to hear your mother last words but its the disease not your mom that spoke. I am very sorry and hold you in high regards for being alive and giving so much inlight of ptsd. I am 30s and mon has early FTD frontal temporal dementia.

I am exhausted and do not have support to step in and care for mom. Mom does not see the need for support. I want to rest also but how??

Blessings to all

 

[ChildofGod]

I hope that you get more sleep and can relax. Anything that can help you with less stress. You are still a fighter.
I am truly sorry that you've been treated that way by your parents.
I can't stand either of my parents, my mother the predator and my dad is unable or refuses to show me any compassion.

Yes, it's okay to be pissed at your parents. Please know, that their failures as a parent don't reflect on you, it reflects on them.

I hope that I'm not being too harsh. The more self care you practice, the better you may feel.

You deserve to be and feel loved.

 

[Muttly]

I am so sorry you are dealing with that. You have every reason to be exhausted. Care taking is draining, grief is draining, and dealing with trauma is draining. I hope you can get support for yourself. And as hard as it may be, the fighter in you can come back.

 

[shatter eyes]

Sometimes resting can be doing something you enjoy. I know ptsd can limit the options of enjoyment because system is sensitive and can go hyper vig easily. I can go park ut if there are people or kids n dogs running around...i am not able to recharge myself. I remember not long ago i went for a walk and decided to just stop, lay down on grass, stare at the pinecones wondering if it will hit me in the face and if it did it is ok, i moved my hands along the grass telling myself nature will neutralize my stress grounding me, i fell asleep for 20minutes and woke up feeling very rested.

When we are drained it is so hard to process emotions and situations.

Caregiver burn out and possibly even compassion fatigue from being a caregiver for nearly a decade.
Treat yourself to something nice like a fruit smoothie etc...hang in there