Childhood No actual memories before dad's death

[HealingMama]

Dad died when I was 8. Surely I was old enough to have some memories of experiences before it happened. But they just aren't there... What's there is the stories other people have told me. I was filling out a survey tonight on childhood attachment and realized I couldn't actually answer any of the questions about my relationship with him. So disconcerting. I wonder if this is the same issue behind how I don't ever remember my dreams.

 

[Skywatcher]

Without trying to sound insensitive, how did your dad die? Maybe that is somehow related to your inability to remember him.

 

[joeylittle]

I wonder if this is the same issue behind how I don't ever remember my dreams.

Whether or not we recall dreams doesn't have much to do with memory function - it's more to do with how you come out of your sleep state. When passing through all the stages of the wake cycle correctly, one generally doesn't have recall of one's dreams.

(I know that wasn't your main question, but just thought I'd toss that out there)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Dad died when I was 8. Surely I was old enough to have some memories of experiences before it happened.

Maybe not.

I couldn't remember below the age of 7 and there is also a house we lived in and I can remember small bits of the house we lived in just prior and a few bits of the house we lived in directly after but not that house. To a point where I handed my dad a picture of the house and asked "whose house is this"? There is just a black hole in my memories while living at that house. I don't even know if trauma happened there and if so, what that trauma is.

Before therapy I had very patchy memories. Many missing pieces. Where they made little sense. Today they are sharp all the way down to smells in the air and sounds and what was on tv. That said, I still can't remember below the age of 6. Ages 7 and 6 are super muddy. There was trauma there (and before then which I cannot get to) and though I partly remember some of the trauma, it's all super muddy and merges into itself.

Memories are intresting. You can actually create false memories without realizing it that feel just as true as the others but they aren't.

You may get some memories back of your dad before he died but sometimes a trauma is just too much that our brains hides it from us forever. I was only able to recover the correct memories and correct the false memories by working with a trauma therapist.

 

[HealingInProcess]

Maybe not.

I couldn't remember below the age of 7 and there is also a house we lived in and I can remember small bits of the house we lived in just prior and a few bits of the house we lived in directly after but not that house. To a point where I handed my dad a picture of the house and asked "whose house is this"? There is just a black hole in my memories while living at that house. I don't even know if trauma happened there and if so, what that trauma is.

Before therapy I had very patchy memories. Many missing pieces. Where they made little sense. Today they are sharp all the way down to smells in the air and sounds and what was on tv. That said, I still can't remember below the age of 6. Ages 7 and 6 are super muddy. There was trauma there (and before then which I cannot get to) and though I partly remember some of the trauma, it's all super muddy and merges into itself.

Memories are intresting. You can actually create false memories without realizing it that feel just as true as the others but they aren't.

You may get some memories back of your dad before he died but sometimes a trauma is just too much that our brains hides it from us forever. I was only able to recover the correct memories and correct the false memories by working with a trauma therapist.

Yeah it might be that there are certain things that need to be worked through first before you remember.

 

[HealingMama]

Without trying to sound insensitive, how did your dad die? Maybe that is somehow related to your inability to remember him.

He had a sudden heart attack in the middle of the night. He wasn't sick, and it was very unexpected. Met criterion A for PTSD prior to changes in DSM 5, doesn't meet criterion A anymore.

 

[Cypress]

My mother's mother died when she was 8 and my Mom said she has very few memories of her mother but her sister who was 13 at the time has a lot more. There was no trauma history as far as she knew that could affect memories.

 

[HealingMama]

My mother's mother died when she was 8 and my Mom said she has very few memories of her mother but her sister who was 13 at the time has a lot more. There was no trauma history as far as she knew that could affect memories.

Thank you for the data point. In my case I don't remember the person who died but also don't remember my own life. My memories don't really start until 6-7th grade.