hi,
I'm back again since I've very confused lately on all this, not sure if I still have ptsd (and just the non debilitating reactions left) or if I'm in a dormant phase. I'm not even sure if I actually had it now. I explained this badly and only small tings to my therapist and they said that was normal but I'm not certain, so tell me if this normal or if you can relate to this.
For the first thing (my exps are down below) I had reactions immediately after like silly things for two days. It wasn't horrible. I tried telling someone and I spent 20 min or more trying to get that word out. I didn't feel anything for the next two months. But in the sillage of the other trauma I've had flashbacks from that thing more recently and other memories and triggers from then.
The next thing, was way way worse. I completely checked out and all. I was utterly devoid of any emotion for the rest of the day. But the next day it was like nothing happened. I spent the first 4 months living a normal life but with noticeable reduced pleasure and numbing partially or fully whenever something reminded me ever so slightly. It's that blocking numbing feeling. I didn't have any persistent high anxiety, flashbacks or anything like that. In sexual situations I'd feel very dead. Maybe actually (don't remember well) maybe a few things here and there.
Then I started feeling emotion, and stuff. And had that anxiety and all. But with a lot of that numbness still very much there and blocking and numbing it most of the time. I had some phases where I'd get a few flashbacks a day and be on guard and others where I'd get barely anything. And others where I'd feel utterly dead. But I never had that persistent debilitating hyperarousal with insomnia, panic attacks or anything. I haven't had much of that at all just on the bad days or for a few days in a row. That's why I'm questioning it really.
Recently my symptoms have only been worse blocking, numbing and automatically dissociating from anything and black out more intense emotions. More intense specific body memories, shame, near panic at some things rarely, and the occasional hyper vigilance. No flashbacks no nothing.
I don't know if I'm in hypoarousal and waiting to explode or am better. Don't know.
Anyway I've had a few traumatic shit in my life happening fairly recently: sexual assault (16) and textbook bad rape (17). Only 2 months appart. Add in more reckless behavior (reckless is what got me in shit situations lol) caused by it that includes: street prostitution, and way less bad repeated sexual traumas linked to that.
Sorry for my shit thread, haha x
I'm back again since I've very confused lately on all this, not sure if I still have ptsd (and just the non debilitating reactions left) or if I'm in a dormant phase. I'm not even sure if I actually had it now. I explained this badly and only small tings to my therapist and they said that was normal but I'm not certain, so tell me if this normal or if you can relate to this.
For the first thing (my exps are down below) I had reactions immediately after like silly things for two days. It wasn't horrible. I tried telling someone and I spent 20 min or more trying to get that word out. I didn't feel anything for the next two months. But in the sillage of the other trauma I've had flashbacks from that thing more recently and other memories and triggers from then.
The next thing, was way way worse. I completely checked out and all. I was utterly devoid of any emotion for the rest of the day. But the next day it was like nothing happened. I spent the first 4 months living a normal life but with noticeable reduced pleasure and numbing partially or fully whenever something reminded me ever so slightly. It's that blocking numbing feeling. I didn't have any persistent high anxiety, flashbacks or anything like that. In sexual situations I'd feel very dead. Maybe actually (don't remember well) maybe a few things here and there.
Then I started feeling emotion, and stuff. And had that anxiety and all. But with a lot of that numbness still very much there and blocking and numbing it most of the time. I had some phases where I'd get a few flashbacks a day and be on guard and others where I'd get barely anything. And others where I'd feel utterly dead. But I never had that persistent debilitating hyperarousal with insomnia, panic attacks or anything. I haven't had much of that at all just on the bad days or for a few days in a row. That's why I'm questioning it really.
Recently my symptoms have only been worse blocking, numbing and automatically dissociating from anything and black out more intense emotions. More intense specific body memories, shame, near panic at some things rarely, and the occasional hyper vigilance. No flashbacks no nothing.
I don't know if I'm in hypoarousal and waiting to explode or am better. Don't know.
Anyway I've had a few traumatic shit in my life happening fairly recently: sexual assault (16) and textbook bad rape (17). Only 2 months appart. Add in more reckless behavior (reckless is what got me in shit situations lol) caused by it that includes: street prostitution, and way less bad repeated sexual traumas linked to that.
Sorry for my shit thread, haha x
