Relationship Big Shock Tonight

[Jawn]

Well I get to go this afternoon and sign the paperwork for closing on my home refinance loan. Woo hoo! About darn time! LOL!

Of course now my wife is sounding like she is sorry that she pushed me to do the refinance in my name only. She mentioned something about that yesterday on the phone when I let her know she needed to come sign papers to remove her name from the current deed. And she said something similar this morning on the phone, so I called the loan person and asked if it was too late to add her to the loan and such. Well it's not too late, but it will delay us another 6-8 weeks AND interest rates have gone up recently. Not a good option. But she did explain to me how we can add her later if we decide to do that (presuming things will work out between us) and it's a fairly simple process. So I guess option #2 is the plan for now. Whew! So much stuff flying around in my head today......some of it is even good! :smile:

Jawn

 

[Deleted member 6617]

That's great news Jawn. Look forward to the day when you post that you are implimenting option #2.

 

[Jawn]

Me too PH, me too! When I know it is time to do that or I know she is coming home for sure, I will definitely post the news on here.

Jawn

 

[intothelight]

Hi Jawn,

I have been reading your thread over the past few months and am so amazed at the healthy way you are handling a difficult situation. You are so aware of the dynamics, and you also are very in tune to your own needs. Your posts also show how important it is to look for the positives in relationships and not to be so focused on the difficulties.

Thank you for sharing this part of your life.

ITL

 

[Jawn]

Thanks ITL. I'm glad that's how people see my posts, but trust me there are times when I feel hopeless or like I am going to crumble under the pressure. But I try to always look at things as the glass is 1/2 full and that there MUST be something positive to focus on. My old T told me in our last session together that I amazed her with my resiliency. She said the first time she saw me that she thought I was on the verge of just completely breaking down and a few sessions later she was mostly just listening to me give updates on my situation and offering feedback here and there. She felt that I just needed to have more focus put on me and less on my wife, and then I was able to bounce back once I started addressing my own needs. Whew! I hope that all made sense.

Any way, I'm trying to hang in there, but it's not always easy. As a matter of fact, walking away from my wife a year or so ago would have been the easy way to go, but I just couldn't do it.

I appreciate your feedback.

Jawn

 

[Elphaba]

Hi Jawn
I too have been following your story over the last months. I just wanted to say that you seem to be doing very well and to have a lot of strenght! I am glad to hear things are going better. Best of luck to both of you!

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Jawn,

It's ok for the times when you have to say (or want to say) whatever you are feeling- even if it is that the situation feels hopeless at the moment, or you are angry, expressing your fears or thoughts, or whatever- anything and everything.

Your explanation makes complete sense to me, and I would only add that the physical separation and the reduction in general of your wife's negative behaviours towards you also must feel like a relief-of-sorts. I am sure that is because of your understanding of ptsd, your application of the suggestions, your love and good heart, your forgiveness towards her (a huge part that contributes to her healing), your focus on your own health and boundaries, and your prayers, as well as your wife's desire to heal and (each of you) going to therapy that helps immensely towards her healing and your relationship.

Yes, you have taken to it like a duck to water. :)
I hope everything comes together for you both even better than before.

 

[Jawn]

I hope so too Junebug, although today is one of those days where I just kinda feel like I am slowly drowning. I met my wife for breakfast this morning and by the time we were done it didn't feel like a good time. Sigh....I guess I need to back up and find the positives 'cause she DID meet me for breakfast.

I asked her today if she had ever read the card I gave her about 6 weeks ago and she said no. I also asked if she was still doing EMDR or not. And a few other things and she got very antsy and was ready to leave as soon as we were done eating, so maybe I pushed her too hard. Once we walked out the door she said bye and headed for her car without even looking back. I so much wanted to follow her and get a hug, but I guess it wasn't meant to be today. She did wave at me as she drove out of the parking lot and she used all 5 fingers in her wave, so that's a good thing! LOL!

She also brought me a present from the Dollar Store too, so I guess that's another positive.

OK, I feel a bit better now although I really need to go do something 'cause I don't want to be cooped up in this house right now. It's too empty without her being here.

Jawn

 

[hopelives]

Jawn you are doing really well. At least you are seeing the positives. And at least you dont have to live at this point with the moods 24/7. Sending you a cyber hug that this will be sorted soon and she will be home with you minus the moods.

 

[Jawn]

Thanks sickofit. I hope she'll be home soon too, but I know it could be a long time too. I guess that's the hard part....the uncertainty of things and not really knowing what's going on with her and her therapy. I think today I asked more than I had in quite a while and it must have been too much by her reaction. She wasn't rude or anything, but things went from casual to her getting very tense and wanting to leave. I am waiting for the day she tells me something, so I will know that she will be coming home for sure. It's sure hard to wait though and I miss her so much. I hope she misses me too, but I guess I don't really know what she is feeling or dealing with inside her.

I agree that not living with the moods 24/7 can be a good thing, but in some ways I wish I was because I would at least see her on a more regular basis. I don't know, I guess this emotional yo-yo is just not easy sometimes. I have good days and bad days, just like she does. Maybe I need to go eat the treat from the dollar store that she brought me. Console myself with extra spicy chips! LOL!

Jawn

 

[hopelives]

ah the emotional yo yo is a hard to take sometimes. I hate how we are sometimes led by their moods. :( It all goes around and around till you are feeling quiet mad.

 

[Nicolette]

I am waiting for the day she tells me something, so I will know that she will be coming home for sure. It's sure hard to wait though and I miss her so much. I hope she misses me too, but I guess I don't really know what she is feeling or dealing with inside her.

While you have a very admirable approach to all of this Jawn; please don't forget about you as it seems a lot of how you are living your life is based on your wife. I am not saying that is good or bad; just pointing out to you that I trust you are acknowledging and not ignoring what you are going through too as it is somewhat like a secondary wounding to the PTSD your wife sufferers. I feel for you.