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Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

littleoc said:
I understand it’s an extreme situation that rarely happens to people. But my fear lies in the fact that it happened to SOMEONE. It’s rare to have a dad who leaves you in cages, too. Or to be in a hospital where the nurses almost kill you. Or to end up brainwashed into maybe not being a real human. My brain kind of assumes at this point that “rare” means “I need to do something actively to make sure this never happens to anyone ever.”
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I totally get this and I am so sorry. Obsessive thoughts are beyond horrible, and PTSD makes them so much worse - because your brain already experienced something that OCD people often only worry about. You explained it very well. It is a positive reinforcement instead of a negative reinforcement, which you would need in order to restructure your thoughts.
Is it possible to try to take different perspectives? For example, you could try to notice those thoughts without any judgement and then let them go, just like clouds that pass by above your head. I know this takes a lot of training and is very difficult when everything in your life reminds you of your obessions. But that is the way I fought against my OCD, and it did help after some time.
In the end, there is no way you can prevent all of those things, you are just a human being, not god or any otherworldy creature. I know that is what makes you feel so shitty and helpless, but it could be a way to make you feel better maybe. Because if there is nothing you can do about it, worrying about it will definitely not make it better. Worrying does not help at all, even though your brain might assume that knowing about it could prepare you for it (at least that's what my brain tells me). But that is not true.
I don't know if this helps you at all. I just wanted to tell you that I understand and that I am sorry.
 
somerandomguy said:
@littleoc - it seems pretty natural to me that something like that should trigger you, for many reasons. Not least because you are an extremely empathetic person. And I'm sure taking care of your mom has brought up a lot of memories and feelings that you don't always access.

Good luck driving today. :hug:
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This! ^^^^

Of course it bothers you- it should bother you. What happened to that woman was horrible and the idea that it is common? Holy crap. The next question though -- is what control do YOU have over those situations? In reality --- not much. You can try to make sure it doesn't happen to someone you love and you can make sure that people know these things happen (like you have done here). It's ok if that's all you do. Because it's enough. :hug:
 
I’m starting to struggle so badly at work that I’m failing to do the correct tasks at the right times. I just can’t keep up. I feel like a failure.

At least I take criticism well. My boss implied that I’m ruining the reputation of the entire company though. I’m ashamed but too afraid to tell them I have any problems.

The lady who works before me has short term memory loss and I guess is still doing better than I am. I was in slow motion today begging my own brain to work. Then I got yelled at.

I tried eating a free cookie to fix it. Fix my brain. No luck. They’re giving me more and more tasks and I feel like an idiot.

On the bright side, they stopped being upset with me for being slow at closing. They told me I needed to be faster to leave right on time. Then the manager noticed that other people weren’t doing all the required tasks. Now everyone else stays late with me. I wasn’t praised for it, which makes sense. Wasn’t expecting to be.

I’m frustrated because I’m trying hard and am still unable to make myself hurry. Before the last brain injury, I was good at Hurry.

I am so upset and scared of being fired that I can’t sleep. I’ve been trying for six hours. I have a project due in eight days that I’m supposed to have worked on for the last two month. I haven’t even started. I can’t find any time where my brain isn’t tired. Asked for three days off next week, but that means I probably won’t be able to pay bills by myself.

Am going to create a list of new goals so I can get a more appropriate job in my field.

i don’t actually want to talk about this, I just wanted it to be heard.
 
I am sending you many, many hugs, dear @littleoc ! I can relate to this fear of failing at work so well, though I did not experience a brain injury. Go easy on yourself! Your brain had to restructure and heal itself so many times - psychological and physical trauma are both so very devastating, and a combination of those two is even more devastating. Please try to not blame yourself, you are using all the resources you have already. And if you do get fired, you will find another job, I am convinced of that! You are a friendly, communicative, self reflected and very intelligent person. People like you are needed everywhere!❤
 

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