Anxiety (Fear) and Facing/Avoiding the Unknown

[Lionheart]

Perhaps I should not have posted this...I suppose it is normal for someone with PTSD..., But here it is anyways...

I have a problem with facing any kind of future encounter regardless of how "safe" it may actually be if I can't answer all of the unknowns. For instance, I need to take the bus downtown and back. But I don't know where the bus will pick me up for the ride back and instead of asking the bus driver I will avoid going altogether. I don't understand why I am like this.

Let's say I need to take my car into the service center for an example. I have never dealt with an auto service center, so I would avoid going like it was the plague. If I don't know how something works, especially a situation or encounter with unknown people or unknown circumstances, my fear will be blown so far out of proportion to make it almost very difficult and uncomfortable for me to function. I will then have to white-knuckle through the experience if I can even get that far.

Do you do this too???

 

[VioletButterfly]

Yes, and I hear you. I call it anticipatory anxiety; that might be the technical term as well? For me, it has to do with my expectation that something will always go wrong and I won't have control of it or my responses. I think it has to do with not being able to protect myself in the past or in trusting the wrong people and having had so many things go wrong that have resulted in harm to me. I work at this off and on to smooth out my anxiety, but it stays up around a 10 most days. It makes life, making decisions and following through on almost all tasks very complicated and exhausting.

Hoping you find some peace about this and a way to cope or deal better with it.

 

[Lionheart]

I call it anticipatory anxiety.....it has to do with my expectation that something will always go wrong and I won't have control of it or my responses. ...It makes life, making decisions and following through on almost all tasks very complicated and exhausting.

Thank you @VioletButterfly this makes much more sense to me now. Someone used to embarrass me in public when I was young and I think it stuck with me because I am always afraid something will go wrong or I will be humiliated and/or somehow suffer for the mistakes I might make. I will def have to work on this with my "T". Thank you so much for your reply.

Lionheart

 

[Eliza]

I can relate to this - I think it was more generalised anxiety related for me than PTSD. With the anxiety - I don't like the thought of not knowing what will happen. With PTSD it's more thinking something bad WILL happen.

But I completely understand the worry that something will go wrong or you will be humiliated, as it happens to me all the time.

I found writing down the possible outcomes and the likelihood that it will happen, and what you will do if it does happen helps me a lot. Because it let's you see logically, that anything bad is unlikely to happen, and that you will have a plan in place if it does.

 

[Lionheart]

I found writing down the possible outcomes and the likelihood that it will happen, and what you will do if it does happen helps

Thanks so much, @Eliza

I don't like not knowing what will happen either, it makes me feel extremely vulnerable and I have to try to remind myself that I am an adult now.

I think writing it down is a great idea, I can also ask others for help with ideas for stuff that I can do if things go awry. Thank you for your reply.

Lion

 

[pam4him]

I have at times. It's anxiety and it can make you freeze up. Could you call the bus company and ask over the phone? If that is as stressing, perhaps try writing your questions on an index card. Using the bus example, have the card ready and hand it to the bus driver. This will get you an answer without having to engage in much conversation. Be prepared with follow up question cards just in case. The next thing is, are you in therapy? I think it could help you work through this and find your "voice" in social settings. Prayers for wisdom and mental strength.

 

[Lionheart]

The next thing is, are you in therapy? I think it could help you work through this and find your "voice" in social settings. Prayers for wisdom and mental strength.

@pam4him I have only been in therapy for like forever, but I have never set out to work on this specific problem. I have a new "t" who is really good and I am sure she can help me with this. Thank you so much for your reply and for your prayers.

Brightest blessings,
Lion

 

[Strangelongtrip]

I have this as well I think it’s GAD (but labels aren’t helpful—dealing with the symptoms are). The thing that helps me the most is calling and asking questions. I also map out as much as I can control about the situation and everything else I try to meditate on and let go. There’s many times I’ve lost control completely when things went wrong—but I still figured it out. It’s putting the logical brain ahead imo.

 

[Lionheart]

I think this is definitely anticipatory anxiety. When I am anxious I can't seem to think clearly. Tho talking about it does help.

I will go ahead and do what I need to do, but I will be uncomfortably nervous and upset. I am so embarrassed, I am a grown man and yet I can't seem to calm myself and take control of the situation.

I should add that I am also going through a trauma anniversary which is probably not helping.

I must admit my current anxiety may well be related to an anniversary reaction, as I feel vulnerable and a little scared just like I did when I was a kid. Anyways, I agree that asking questions is a good way to work through it.

 

[VioletButterfly]

@Lionheart777 - Please be gentle and kind with yourself. Sending encouraging hugs and holding your hand as you walk through this.

 

[scout86]

I do that too, in some situations. I think it probably comes from the fact that what you don't know CAN hurt you. I tend to gloss over the additional fact that it usually doesn't.

I try to do a little exposure therapy, when I'm up for it, and I try to give myself permission to make mistakes and not always know the answer. It varies how well those things go. LOL The other thing I work at is noticing when I do something like make a phone call I've been dreading and goes ok. Because sometimes it actually does.

 

[Lionheart]

@Lionheart777 - Please be gentle and kind with yourself.

I will try to do that @VioletButterfly. Thank you for your compassionate support.

I try to give myself permission to make mistakes and not always know the answer.

Awww thanks so much @scout86 I will follow your example and try to do the same. I figure that is great advice. Thanks again!!!

:) Smiles :) and :hug:'s,
Lion