Difficulty smiling, coming off friendly

[OpenForSuggestions]

I'm just curious. Does anyone else have difficulty smiling at people? I enjoy engaging in relationships and conversations with people, but it is sometimes difficult to do the whole "social face". It's almost like an anxiety thing connected to trauma emotion or emotional stress. On bad days, if I try to smile, it can look weird, like I'm in pain, angry or afraid. Difficult to hold eye contact.

I can often come off aloof or unfriendly, but it isn't true. It's just a symptom. It doesn't mean I dislike the person.
It hardly ever happens with people I'm comfortable with, close friends, immediate family. It's mostly just the casual, small interactions with people in the community. And, on good days, I can breeze through it just fine, looking normal.

Sometimes I wish I had a plastic face or mask where I can cue the right expression when I press a button. I want to come off as confident and be able to put people at ease again.

 

[Ronin]

Smiling isn't what makes a person friendly...

So many smiles can convey threat with nothing else indicating it...

Some would be threatening smiles can be the biggest protective reassurances in the world.

Or: Don't beat yourself up for this.
You don't need to smile and still be seen as a damn fine person. ;)

And? When I can't do something social, I tell them. Takes away the ickiness, distress over unknowns, something is off about me to nth degree, and all.

So anything from I'd reeally like to smile right now but I'm so exhausted to Tics, man. to Nerves jacked up again man, I can't even smile right. (Voice saying aaaall the smile.)

 

[pam4him]

It sounds like social settings might be a trigger and creates a psychosomatic response of not being able to smile. It may be something to discuss in therapy, if you haven't already. Another possibility is to just keep working on it, practicing in smaller social settings and building up a little at a time to larger ones. I also agree that smiling is not the only sign of friendliness or confidence. Holding your head up, looking just past someone's head at eye level gives the appearance of eye contact. Standing up straight gives an air of confidence. Hang in there, it sounds like you are headed in the right direction. Prayers for courage and strength.

 

[Whirlwind]

I want to come off as confident and be able to put people at ease again.

I don't have problems now but I did when I was younger. I came to learn people saw me as wearing an intimidating expression etc which bummed me out as I wasn't feeling that way! It was stress and preoccupation.

Do something you enjoy and note how your face feels. Try some deep breaths and turn your focus to the world around you. Look at the tree, sky..lift your head up and swing your arms. I'd suggest trying to ground yourself and be as present as possible. Sorry for the cliche(s) but this worked for me and it became habit over time. Some refer to this as "changing your state" and its surprisingly effective (for me).

Best,

Whirlwind

 

[OpenForSuggestions]

Thank you for your responses. There is an emotional component that goes with it. On bad days, I feel stressed and uncomfortable bumping into, greeting or otherwise interacting...forcing myself to do it, but wanting to avoid.
So, it's like, yes, I'm happy you exist and would love to be conveying friendliness right now but I'm kinda freaking out on the inside.

On good days, I'm so happy that I feel comfortable with those kinds of interactions that I probably end up smiling way too much...just because I can. ???

@pam4him, I think you're right about it being a trigger

@Ronin, I'm wondering if I could get away with telling them, it's just an anxiety thing (even though there's the emotional stress component with it)

@Whirlwind, a lot of times, I'll go running at the park before I do my errands, just because it improves my state a little

< mod edit to fix tags from # to @ >

 

[OpenForSuggestions]

Wow, those laughing tears faces were supposed to be smiles