Particularly when you think about what we have done to refugees
@anthony. I was at Law School the year the mainstream media started the "Stop the Boats" narrative, and I went to some lectures with Mary Crock who is an International Expert in Refugee Law. (Her books are written so simply but so well). And she asked the audience to come up with a number of how many folks arrived boat the year before it got in the mainstream media. It went from many thousands down to 3 THREE! people arrived by boat, literally, three people arrived by boats per day the year before it became a media issue. Of course you can follow the money and how made billions of dollars out of a manufactured crisis of cruelty which is illegal under various International Laws. But the waste of money! Imagine that being spent on training up trauma informed psychologists and psychiatrists. Imagine a mental health plan where you get as many sessions as you need for your trauma. It's greed pure and simple. All the homeless Veterans, treatment for someone like my Father living supervised with trauma informed professionals. My brother, that's on the edge of falling off a cliff taught at one of Australia's most prestigious private schools, when we were discussing the Convention on Refugees and how it was 3 THREE! people per day arriving by boat. He taught that to his students. They had a whole school approach to understanding the Australian laws, what creates refugees and what are our ethics & morals. The school being extremely well off would take students overseas to see the living conditions of refugees and to assist in small ways. He said any kid that went came back a much different person. They grew up a lot. So his students knew "Stop the Boats" in the mainstream was basically an encouragement to come by boat. My little bro knew all about it (he went to Law School as well - didn't finish either). But his School told the Office of the Prime Minister that he wasn't welcome to come and give a speech at the school until he changed his policy on refugees and told the truth about the set up. The Office of the Prime Minister kept ringing back apparently a bit shocked saying but it's the Prime Minister and the school kept saying when he changes his policies on refugees he can come back. They talked about this at a school assembly and talked about taking a stand against what is wrong, what is stealing money and taking more than their fair share (ironic given they definitely were a school that is taking more than there fair share). Following the money is so depressing and it makes me angry that folks who really needed mental health - proper trauma informed trained professionals can't access that when all that money, if a fraction of the billions they spent on a manufactured crisis could have helped all of us, and I mean all of us. Imagine Australia was the best at trauma informed therapy we could go places and help out there. I was so proud of my brother and his school, personally I don't believe in private schools but I never said that to my brother, he heard me fighting with my parents about it when I was a teenager. At my private school at the end of Year 10 was equivalent to the public school down the road Year 12.
Even though my brother is an suicidal alcoholic who has violence/anger problems at least he taught some good things. At least in one place my family is not just pestilence.
My cousins work on refugees and one goes to the United Nations and I see him on TV sometimes, it's kind of petty but I get angry at why didn't he help me when I was 15. Why didn't he help me? But at least he has worked to help some folks. But it makes me sad to not have family, which I am not dwelling on but it's sad.
Given how much educational privilege I have had until I ended up homeless at 15 you'd think I would have done something with my life. I have done the best that I can I really have. I am trying to accept that now and not beat myself up about it. Because if I am present in my body and then I just start beating myself up for not doing enough, guess what I disappear. This is great progress for me.
It's the reactive attachment disorder thing that's been hard for me. But I am working on it. I can see it now.
I got exposed to a very sick person from overseas in February. I have been sick on and off since then. I forwent casual work = no sick pay but I did protect folks in the schools. Some schools have more than 2500 students and 300-400 teachers. I would have exposed a lot of people. I haven't been off the property once since then. Feeling so unwell is not easy. I have chronic health issues, pain and it's a struggle at the best of times. I know one thing I tried to be egalitarian and be friends with folks from all communities. I won't be with uneducated folks again, even though they know how fussy I was with Papa Bear, and there's a lot of elderly and immune compromised folks in trauma circles, they let me be exposed for a couple of hours before they told me. I hadn't been seeing folks a lot because of being in hospital with B and his long operations, and his illnesses. I was also really mentally unwell. I ignored their anti vaxxer stuff as nuts but it's also dangerous because they don't understand enough Science to protect anyone else. In that household they have 6 people that won't get ventilators in a surge. Uncle S has COPD, emphysema and cancer. He's going through the courts because of the sexual abuse. He's already skeletal. The legacy of child sexual abuse is a life sentence (not for everyone I know folks who were able to kinda get it together). But for me it has been a life sentence and for a lot it's a death sentence (came pretty close to that as well). I feel so angry that that money was wasted on a non existent problem until the media began to talk about it.
I have been reading research and the materials given out for professional oddly as I try to piece it together it's relaxing.
A surge is a fantasy anyway because last time B went to hospital despite being really unwell he was lined up 4 hours in the ambo line because a rash of kids and accidents etc. Singaporeans who cleaned their schools have and had better PPEs than our medicos.
So I got so annoyed at folks being confused by our Prime Minister I have been downloading the posters and information for the kids to help them via email with their homework assignments. Some folks changed their behaviours after that, but I am so tired. I am also sick and I am cleaning everything and sleeping on the couch not to infect my partner which is time consuming. Self isolating at home is hard you have to be meticulous I see why China built all those large hospitals.
You know I haven't got anything left. So it's kind of good to be in lockdown because I do a tiny bit and I am wiped. Yesterday I drank some hydralytes and felt a bit better and not so poorly.
Trying to organise teleconferencing for B for his three hernia operations. The surgeon was shocked they were so large and hadn't strangulated. Yeah I was really looking after him so well. It was exhausting. I didn't let him lift or carry a thing. Anyway how lucky is it to have all that down before Covid19 really hit. I am trying to say things to be grateful as I walk around the house. I need to reread David Burns again.
I got stung by a wasp this morning which getting ready to set up fencing for the vegie gardens. The wallabies will eat it all if I don't I am happy to plant out extras for them but they can't eat it all. My arm is burning with pain but I kept on going. We have to get the vegies in and we have to have the fences set up properly.
MyPTSD is my family. A lot of folks have come and gone over the years and some folks I can't read when I am not in a good way myself. But sometimes I just come on and read that folks are there. Some names I know and some I learn to know over time.
I really have tried to get better and I have improved a lot. Ironically B's being incredibly ill. This is year 4 now of that journey. B's being incredibly ill and then I had been following Covid19 because I used to work with the big birds with the Bird Flu we were all ready, and had so much in place. Some of the budget cuts are going to cost Australian lives. The cutting back of the bureacracies that deal with all of this is terrible they are the reason that SARS and MERs and a stack of other stuff didn't get there. I had a friend who got all the alerts for not only Bird Flu but all the tracking that medicos etc get I was fascinated by that but we were genuinely careful because of all those folk's work. Yeah well when B was able to stay more on his own I realised going into the schools could be dangerous. And A LOT OF SCHOOLS rang me even the two I stuffed up at rang me begging for relief teaching and you know I had been exposed so I had to say no but it also prevented high volume exposure (in case what I have is just a coldie thing). I also wasn't mentally well enough to go anyway so it is what it is.
If this doesn't make much sense please just ignore. I am just wanting to make contact because I feel a bit alone and scared. I never though that we wouldn't do school closures and that changes the numbers in a significant way. I am one simple person who can do their little bit. If anyone has got to this end really that's amazing.
Wherever you are I am thinking of you. I am sending you my very best wishes. Please be kind to yourselves. Self compassion Kristen Neff's website you can download/listen for free.
And now because I am a weird and twisted person I will go and read some research.
