I Told My Mom What My Dad Did

[Manic11]

I didn't think I would EVER do that. I was going to take it to my grave. Although, I didn't tell her much...
I told her about the molestation and how up to when he abandoned us (when I was 8) he made me touch his penis...

She told me a was a liar... It took about an hour until she started asking me if I'm sure that's what happened because maybe I didn't know what a "good touch" and a "bad touch" is at that age. And if he was giving me a bath I had to be cleaned. When I told her it also happened in bed, she was in between denial and breaking down. I feel terrible but she had to know at least a little bit at some point right? And no matter what age, a child knows the difference between a good and a bad touch right?

She was always wondering why my anxiety was out of control to the point I couldn't work or leave the house.... But it's weird because she didn't believe me but she also abused me physically and mentally.
Did I do the right thing in telling her? I don't plan on telling her anymore of the abuse that happened.

Manic

 

[kers]

It was really brave of you to tell! Good for you. I'm sorry her first reaction was to call you a liar. That's painful. Maybe as she adjusts she will be able to come out of her denial to face the tragedy of what happened to you. She is probably spending a lot of energy avoiding the reality of what she has done and allowed to be done to you.

Children know when things make them feel bad and wrong inside, and that's what sexual abuse is. You were not confused or mixed up no matter what she might suggest.

 

[intothelight]

Manic,

That was so brave of you to tell. It is so hard, and I am sorry that your mother didn't believe you.

It is hard for me to express myself, as I have been on both sides, victim and mom of victims. That is why I get so angry at a parent, at any age, who does not support their children, believe them, and do everything in their power to help them heal. As a mom, it hurts; but its all about them and not me.

I am proud of your for telling and wish you the best in your healing.

ITL

 

[Lucycat]

Manic, I read this and had to go and do something else. Anything else but carry on reading. My Mum KNOWS that I was abused ( my Father is now in prison for it). But I have not, and will not discuss it with her. You are much braver than me. I just cannot face it. She, despite everything, sees him as the knight in Shining Armour and nothing will sway that, so whats the point in trying?

Other family members are trying to tell me I have a duty to make her face up to the truth. Yeh, put the pressure on me- I don't think so. I love her, and want to support her now she is coping alone, but I am NOT going to tell any detail. Not to her, nor anyone else. I have had/ am having EMDR. That is the marvel of this type of therapy I had to THINK about the abuse, and not verbalise it. I don't want to start now.

Sorry, I feel that I am ranting now. I really do think you have dealt with this in a very couragous manner, and I am sorry that your Mother was not more supportive/ understanding. I know what it feels like to be branded a liar, but the Police and Judge believed me. That's good enough.

Best Wishes to you
Lucy x

 

[popeye]

Manic,

I for one am very proud of you. I know that was a struggle for you. I hope in time she realizes what truly happened and attempts to help you out.

 

[Iam]

You are brave to have told your mom Manic. It must have been hard and even harder for her not to believe you, let alone call you a liar. I know how I would feel if I found that out, it would be so painful. Maybe your mom just can't deal with that pain and guilt right now and in time she will be able to work thru it and be a support to you. Even if she doesn't you have taken a step forward in your healing, that takes incredible courage.

Wishing you the best.

 

[James B.]

Good job Manic.

I'm sure you were way more together and dignified than I was when I confronted. Had to do it with a letter because of the chance I'd spontaneously combust and do real damage. That was over 15 years ago. Once again Manic, props on your bravery.

 

[Manic11]

Everyone has to do it their own way. If thats how you had to come out with it, James, then that's that. Either way it's brave.

I appreciate everyone's support. I just wish she was more supportive. Part of me wants to shake her and tell her to support me! I'm her daughter! And the other half wants to shut up, change the subject because I love her and I don't want to see her cry or be upset. She had told me she just tried to put it in the back of her mind and not think about the abuse she got from my father and so I think she was also mad that I brought it up. Either way, shouldn't a mother help their daughter? I asked for a therapist to talk to a while back and it took her 5 months to get me the phone number for a therapist!!!!! Is that support or what? >.<

I'm not trying to talk crap about my mom... it just hurts... Glad to have you guys though. Thanks everyone!

Manic

 

[a3a2]

Manic,

Telling your mom was a huge step! I am sorry she was not more supportive...I know being dismissed can be so painful when you have really put yourself out there. It sounds like you gave her something to think about.

 

[Sethe]

Manic:

Good for you. You've got to do what's healthy for you. Take care of yourself.

 

[StressyJen]

I can tell this was hard, who knows how she will treat you going forward i.e. admit it or call you a liar or whatever? I hope it gives you something like what you're looking for but try not to get your hopes up too much, just wait and see. I tried to tell my mom something similar once too and I didn't get the loving help/reaction I needed.

I think being forward and speaking the truth is always good, especially when we are compelled, although sometimes it doesn't do what we expect, but it does always help us learn something, eventually lol.

(big hug)

 

[Manic11]

Thanks so much for the support everyone! It feels like the only support I'm getting... She just "kicked me out" of the family. She was abused by my father as well! I thought maybe she would understand and be very supportive considering she understands how it feels. She knew he hit me... But suddenly when I tell her about the molestation I'm a monster!

Thanks everyone.

Manic