I’m wondering what other folks consider to be “trauma processing”. I’ve asked a couple therapists and still don’t feel like I really understand. It sort of feels like a squishy term, and yet, it’s supposed to be the path to healing.
I find that I’ve been running over the same ground mentally, involuntarily revisiting and reexperiencing past episodes of trauma, over and over again... I’d rather be doing just about anything else, since thinking about past horrors is so painful, but I can’t seem to be able to turn off these thoughts at will. So, when I get stuck on something distressing that won’t leave my brain, I find that the only thing “useful” that I can do is try to take a step back and contextualize it, seek to understand why it has such a powerful effect on me, try to objectively look for cognitive distortions that are counterproductive to my wellbeing, and hopefully defuse the emotional pull these memories have on me... But this doesn’t seem to be working very well. In other words, the same thoughts will keep returning, even after I do what I’ve described, and they continue to have power over me. It feels like I’m just going to keep cycling back through these same thoughts, never being able to escape. Sometimes they’re triggered by obvious things that are presently occurring, other times, they seem to emerge from out of nowhere (probably from triggers that I haven’t yet recognized). This has been going on for a few years—ever since I emerged from what seems to have been a decades-long fog (of general dissociation, I guess) and started to become conscious of the gravity of my past traumas (childhood abuse as the primary source, followed by various retraumatizations throughout life) and how they affected who I have become as a person in terms of my distorted perceptions, misplaced feelings, and maladaptive behaviors. It’s like a Pandora’s box has been opened and I can’t get it back closed, nor can I seem to move beyond it.
Is this “processing”? Even if it’s involuntary? Will it ever end? Do any of you experience this same kind of thing? Am I doing something wrong? I’m so sick of this. I’d do anything to turn off these thoughts and find some mental peace. I’m so frustrated and discouraged
I find that I’ve been running over the same ground mentally, involuntarily revisiting and reexperiencing past episodes of trauma, over and over again... I’d rather be doing just about anything else, since thinking about past horrors is so painful, but I can’t seem to be able to turn off these thoughts at will. So, when I get stuck on something distressing that won’t leave my brain, I find that the only thing “useful” that I can do is try to take a step back and contextualize it, seek to understand why it has such a powerful effect on me, try to objectively look for cognitive distortions that are counterproductive to my wellbeing, and hopefully defuse the emotional pull these memories have on me... But this doesn’t seem to be working very well. In other words, the same thoughts will keep returning, even after I do what I’ve described, and they continue to have power over me. It feels like I’m just going to keep cycling back through these same thoughts, never being able to escape. Sometimes they’re triggered by obvious things that are presently occurring, other times, they seem to emerge from out of nowhere (probably from triggers that I haven’t yet recognized). This has been going on for a few years—ever since I emerged from what seems to have been a decades-long fog (of general dissociation, I guess) and started to become conscious of the gravity of my past traumas (childhood abuse as the primary source, followed by various retraumatizations throughout life) and how they affected who I have become as a person in terms of my distorted perceptions, misplaced feelings, and maladaptive behaviors. It’s like a Pandora’s box has been opened and I can’t get it back closed, nor can I seem to move beyond it.
Is this “processing”? Even if it’s involuntary? Will it ever end? Do any of you experience this same kind of thing? Am I doing something wrong? I’m so sick of this. I’d do anything to turn off these thoughts and find some mental peace. I’m so frustrated and discouraged