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You Know You Have PTSD When...

• you want to post something but it takes a long time to get the words out in a semi coherent order

• you struggle for days, weeks, months and years to get better and then wind up at the bottom struggling more just to get past your current mindset best summed up as “I want to ....want to get better and just hope people will understand what I mean because I can’t f**king explain it.

* when you report your Pdoc to the patient advocate for taking 2+ weeks 3 months in a row to refill your medication and are now terrified to go back to him

Hopefully this is coherent. If not, sorry, refer back to my first point (75 minutes) 😤
 
Was there at one point! Depression is a bitch!
Totally been there too! More than once.
Kinda lead me to learn a lot about organisation and decoration and all that later on, so now I'm the organisation master:D.
Still though, when a bad wave hits, sometimes no matter how good organisation I've had, things get messy in 5 seconds flat because I just have no energy to care...
 
you realize that a book you read years ago was about PTSD, and another, and another
Slaughterhouse Five, Catch 22, A Farewell to Arms.
The first line of Slaughterhouse-Five? "Billy Pilgrim has come unstuck in time". I always thought that was a premise to everything Vonnegut wrote, he was the best at using the now popular preview, prolog, post-hoc, back story mish mash that makes writing and viewing more interesting just because you are in on a secret or wondering why something that didn't make sense happened until you are-reveal- shown an event from the past that led to it. Cheap and easy and overdone. Vonnegut used it to show that being unstuck in time isn't a real thing, it is just a real way of fealing as you slip through time, like I am here, now, but huge parts of me are there, then, and always will be and always have been, until the day I die.
When you have PTSD you get that
 
When you watch TV series where someone has night terrors and persistent nightmares, wakes up wet and shivering and disoriented with all the sheets on the floor, and you're thinking- I know how that feels.
Yeah, we get that, but somehow, the rest of the world thinks that they get it and that they could conquer it, so why can't we? They most definitely don't get that. Any more than I get what it's like to be a murdering psychopath by watching Taxi Driver for the 14th time.
 
When you watch a horror movie and you find the screaming totally unrealistic and wonder if it's on purpose so it would be not be triggering.

When you put your socks on but something blanks out and you stay there, one socked foot in the air, for an undetermined amount of time.

When you're speaking to someone and the vision of what happened superimposes over their faces.

When you have to blink several times to come back to yourself.

When you keep saying in your meltdowns that they don't know, you don't knooow.

Where you are quick to identify small signs of power struggles and discomfort between people

When you start to profile people to assess whether they're potential abusers or not. And start to see that yes, they are
 
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