desiderata310
MyPTSD Pro
Alright J, I'm going to try this shit. I'm not sure how well it's going to go.
I quit posting my own stuff out on the open forum because it was, well, exhausting and as most of you know, it feels exposed.
Most people had gradually faded away from reading my diary and I've been left to bang at this mostly with just J and a couple of folks who still poke their heads in on my diary occasionally to make sure I've not gone off the deep end.
J (my T) knows that I post here and that I mod. He highly approves of and tells others in his practice about this site. Honestly, the site has been a useful tool.
A little background. We've exhausted most of the 'regular' talk therapy styles and decided that EMDR isn't possible at the moment. Late 2019 I guess, I stumbled on Casuistry.
Essentially: determination of right and wrong in questions of conduct or conscience by analyzing cases that illustrate general ethical rules.
Yeah, yeah, I already hear the furious blinking.
I was listening to Malcomb Gladwell a while back and he did a three part series on casuistry. What he talked about was 'descending into the particulars'. It appealed to me for some reason. The whole notion of taking something apart and looking at each case individually in context instead of using broad brush strokes made sense. The way I have been coming at this, I think that I thought I was going to prove to J that I deserved everything because he had not heard the particulars of each thing I did to deserve what happened. J definitely came at it from a different direction and it derailed me a bit
Fast forward to today and while we are still using Casuistry I am ... I guess I'm a bit stuck. Too close to the bark to see the tree, let alone the forest so to speak.
J asked me to trust him on something. Which is ... well I mean, he's a therapist. and generally speaking his whole thing is to make someone 'feel better' about the shit that they did wrong in their life.
God, just parsing this out enough so that I can get to the question is painful.
He wanted me to talk to the forum (not just my diary) about some of the things that I've gone through to establish whether I deserved them and if the things that happened to me were my fault.
Now before you just jump up and say "OH DES, 100% it wasn't! You didn't deserve that!" hear me out.
Descend into the particulars with me.
Descending into the particulars is painful for me but important.
I actually don't even know how to talk about this but I'll give it a go.
I don't think it serves much purpose to give the whole story (and in some cases I don't remember)so I'll give examples that can be used as a sort of base line for conduct and then talk about the particulars of if UNDER CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES the situation bids a different response that would otherwise be thought of as wrong.
Kind of following me still?
Yeah, it's ok, it's a little confusing to me too sometimes and this was my idea.
GENERALLY speaking, is it appropriate to put a kid in a closet ?
Now, in the particulars, if it is to protect the child from themselves or someone else, is it ok?
If the reason someone needed to protect that child is because they(the kid) kicked the shit out of that person's face?
If the reason is because the child is generally out of control and a danger to themselves or others?
I think I'm gonna stop there. It gets a bit more... I can't get more specific right now and this will either blow up and become more than I can deal with or it will sit and get lost in the annals of Myptsd history.
I quit posting my own stuff out on the open forum because it was, well, exhausting and as most of you know, it feels exposed.
Most people had gradually faded away from reading my diary and I've been left to bang at this mostly with just J and a couple of folks who still poke their heads in on my diary occasionally to make sure I've not gone off the deep end.
J (my T) knows that I post here and that I mod. He highly approves of and tells others in his practice about this site. Honestly, the site has been a useful tool.
A little background. We've exhausted most of the 'regular' talk therapy styles and decided that EMDR isn't possible at the moment. Late 2019 I guess, I stumbled on Casuistry.
Essentially: determination of right and wrong in questions of conduct or conscience by analyzing cases that illustrate general ethical rules.
Yeah, yeah, I already hear the furious blinking.
I was listening to Malcomb Gladwell a while back and he did a three part series on casuistry. What he talked about was 'descending into the particulars'. It appealed to me for some reason. The whole notion of taking something apart and looking at each case individually in context instead of using broad brush strokes made sense. The way I have been coming at this, I think that I thought I was going to prove to J that I deserved everything because he had not heard the particulars of each thing I did to deserve what happened. J definitely came at it from a different direction and it derailed me a bit
Fast forward to today and while we are still using Casuistry I am ... I guess I'm a bit stuck. Too close to the bark to see the tree, let alone the forest so to speak.
J asked me to trust him on something. Which is ... well I mean, he's a therapist. and generally speaking his whole thing is to make someone 'feel better' about the shit that they did wrong in their life.
God, just parsing this out enough so that I can get to the question is painful.
He wanted me to talk to the forum (not just my diary) about some of the things that I've gone through to establish whether I deserved them and if the things that happened to me were my fault.
Now before you just jump up and say "OH DES, 100% it wasn't! You didn't deserve that!" hear me out.
Descend into the particulars with me.
Descending into the particulars is painful for me but important.
I actually don't even know how to talk about this but I'll give it a go.
I don't think it serves much purpose to give the whole story (and in some cases I don't remember)so I'll give examples that can be used as a sort of base line for conduct and then talk about the particulars of if UNDER CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES the situation bids a different response that would otherwise be thought of as wrong.
Kind of following me still?
Yeah, it's ok, it's a little confusing to me too sometimes and this was my idea.
GENERALLY speaking, is it appropriate to put a kid in a closet ?
Now, in the particulars, if it is to protect the child from themselves or someone else, is it ok?
If the reason someone needed to protect that child is because they(the kid) kicked the shit out of that person's face?
If the reason is because the child is generally out of control and a danger to themselves or others?
I think I'm gonna stop there. It gets a bit more... I can't get more specific right now and this will either blow up and become more than I can deal with or it will sit and get lost in the annals of Myptsd history.