RoseByAnyOtherName
New Here
This will be a long one but I’m hoping someone might be able to relate and perhaps help me figure out what I’m doing.
My husband suffers from CPTSD. We were together for around 9 years.
A year ago I found out he had been messaging another woman. Telling her he loved her etc. He insists it was never physical as she had moved away shortly after he met her through his work. But, to me, it didn’t matter. He betrayed me. It had been going on for months and I had questioned him about it as I had suspicions and he had denied it. He would stay up late as night messaging this other woman while I slept next to him. If it was a one-off drunken mistake etc I think I could understand that more.
When I found out we both agreed our relationship was over. Due to Covid lockdowns etc moving out was not really an option at that point so we agreed to remain living together in separate rooms as friends.
Fast forward a few months and he had a bad symptomatic period. Self-harming, suicidal thoughts. I instantly fell back into the carer giver role. Once he began to come out of this particularly bad period he began to say he had made a mistake and loved me and wanted me. That his actions where due to his illness. But I don’t believe that. It may have played a part but he still knows what is right and wrong.
I couldn’t get past the betrayal. I had dedicated my life to caring for him. I had allowed our relationship to become dysfunctional and with no intimacy which I know was wrong and led to issues. But, I still feel like I deserved more. More respect and loyalty for the sacrifices I had made.
I told him I didn’t think I could get past it as I felt too much pain and anger still for his actions.
He is now angry that I have been unwilling to give him another chance and claims I have been stringing him along. But I know for the entire period we have been separated he has been messaging numerous other women and recently started a sexual relationship with one. But, still says I should have fought more for our relationship. Despite the fact, he has made no effort to change his behaviour towards me.
I had no romantic exchanges for the year we have been separated and only recently began to consider dating again after being contacted by an old friend who has asked to take me out. This person has shown me more understanding and affection than I have received in years.
We are now in a horrible place as my mental health has suffered, I am emotionally numb and unable to connect. He has suggested moving out and in some ways, I think it would be the best thing but I have major concerns about him looking after himself. And I have tremendous guilt as I am the provider and I don't know if he will be able to manage on his own. He says I am keeping him trapped but I am only trying to help him. Or so I believes perhaps I am.
I guess I am just looking for advice if anyone has experienced something similar. Or how to deal with a marriage ending. I don’t have many friends and no one else I can really talk to about this.
I’m currently looking for a counsellor to work through my own issues.
If you’ve got this far thank you for reading my desperate ramblings. I don’t even know if this makes sense but I needed to get these thoughts out.
My husband suffers from CPTSD. We were together for around 9 years.
A year ago I found out he had been messaging another woman. Telling her he loved her etc. He insists it was never physical as she had moved away shortly after he met her through his work. But, to me, it didn’t matter. He betrayed me. It had been going on for months and I had questioned him about it as I had suspicions and he had denied it. He would stay up late as night messaging this other woman while I slept next to him. If it was a one-off drunken mistake etc I think I could understand that more.
When I found out we both agreed our relationship was over. Due to Covid lockdowns etc moving out was not really an option at that point so we agreed to remain living together in separate rooms as friends.
Fast forward a few months and he had a bad symptomatic period. Self-harming, suicidal thoughts. I instantly fell back into the carer giver role. Once he began to come out of this particularly bad period he began to say he had made a mistake and loved me and wanted me. That his actions where due to his illness. But I don’t believe that. It may have played a part but he still knows what is right and wrong.
I couldn’t get past the betrayal. I had dedicated my life to caring for him. I had allowed our relationship to become dysfunctional and with no intimacy which I know was wrong and led to issues. But, I still feel like I deserved more. More respect and loyalty for the sacrifices I had made.
I told him I didn’t think I could get past it as I felt too much pain and anger still for his actions.
He is now angry that I have been unwilling to give him another chance and claims I have been stringing him along. But I know for the entire period we have been separated he has been messaging numerous other women and recently started a sexual relationship with one. But, still says I should have fought more for our relationship. Despite the fact, he has made no effort to change his behaviour towards me.
I had no romantic exchanges for the year we have been separated and only recently began to consider dating again after being contacted by an old friend who has asked to take me out. This person has shown me more understanding and affection than I have received in years.
We are now in a horrible place as my mental health has suffered, I am emotionally numb and unable to connect. He has suggested moving out and in some ways, I think it would be the best thing but I have major concerns about him looking after himself. And I have tremendous guilt as I am the provider and I don't know if he will be able to manage on his own. He says I am keeping him trapped but I am only trying to help him. Or so I believes perhaps I am.
I guess I am just looking for advice if anyone has experienced something similar. Or how to deal with a marriage ending. I don’t have many friends and no one else I can really talk to about this.
I’m currently looking for a counsellor to work through my own issues.
If you’ve got this far thank you for reading my desperate ramblings. I don’t even know if this makes sense but I needed to get these thoughts out.