Weemie
MyPTSD Pro
Your idea of relationships is somewhat transactional. You say that you go above and beyond with your partners and don't expect anything in return - "just because you love doing it" - but that isn't true. You expect your partner to demonstrate a certain level of affection (or whatever it is you want) back and even frequently list all the things you've done for them to justify your expectations.
This would definitely leave a bad taste in my mouth as I would not have even asked for those considerations in the first place, so to then be told I must "even it out" to some degree is too transactional for me.
And I mean this isn't necessarily *wrong* - most people expect affection in relationships, but I know for me if someone said "I do all this for you and you don't even xyz-" I would peace out. (And regardless of how you go about it, this is what people hear when you speak that way.) I'm not affectionate by nature and I make that very clear up front so we would not even run into this issue to begin with, but others may be less willing to be honest about it (or may not even be aware of it).
The thing about emotions and affection is that you aren't right and you aren't wrong. You have an expectation of how much affection you want so any relationship that doesn't fit that criteria won't be satisfying to you. But it's also not wrong of your partner to be less emotional, either. It's just preference. If you genuinely enjoy doing things for your partner, then do them, but don't bring it up later to explain why you deserve or want something from them.
This would definitely leave a bad taste in my mouth as I would not have even asked for those considerations in the first place, so to then be told I must "even it out" to some degree is too transactional for me.
And I mean this isn't necessarily *wrong* - most people expect affection in relationships, but I know for me if someone said "I do all this for you and you don't even xyz-" I would peace out. (And regardless of how you go about it, this is what people hear when you speak that way.) I'm not affectionate by nature and I make that very clear up front so we would not even run into this issue to begin with, but others may be less willing to be honest about it (or may not even be aware of it).
The thing about emotions and affection is that you aren't right and you aren't wrong. You have an expectation of how much affection you want so any relationship that doesn't fit that criteria won't be satisfying to you. But it's also not wrong of your partner to be less emotional, either. It's just preference. If you genuinely enjoy doing things for your partner, then do them, but don't bring it up later to explain why you deserve or want something from them.