The_One
Learning
This is really depressing me . To the point where I have asked myself is everything worth it.
In this f*cking society we are tasked with having a status , a good job and good education and good money. You’re successful if you have this plus a family. A wife husband and kids.
I feel like in comparison to my peers I am SO behind. The way I imagine my life to be and the way it truly is IS SO different.
I’ve been dating and been through traumas with love and I’m terrified of dating again. So no husband or kids.
For some reason I have a stupid degree but not able to make it past 35K. This part bothers me the most. I see peers my age traveling buying houses and new cars and getting married and I’m still stuck at home and I can’t afford to move out. My social circle has dwindled.
What makes it worse is that I’m Indian and Indian culture has really brain washed me into being a perfectionist, I want everything to be perfect. Nothing in my life is perfect though.
I had a cousin related by marriage, they’re super well off anyways but she has a good job in New York with some fashion company. Super skinny. She’s single but dating someone and her instagram made me feel so jealous. She is ALWAYS traveling. I had to unfollow her because her IG made me feel so bad about my life.
I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I’m really stuck. I can’t seem to move forward at all. There’s so many areas of my life that I’m unhappy with (my body too because of lexapro I’ve gained 45lbs) I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been.
In some ways I’m scared of making the changes because sometimes i feel like I don’t deserve it and I’m stuck in this victim mindset.
In other ways I am getting really tired of being broke, not living my life, appeasing others. Being overweight. Not traveling. Not living life.
I was walking in a park where there was a train track. I watched unsolved mysteries about a girl who killed herself by walking in front of a train. I asked myself why the f*ck would anyone want to do that. It felt so strange walking up to the train tracks and trying to feel the way she did. I’ve thought about dying I’ve thought about my death. I’ve thought about my funeral. But my therapist says it’s because I’ve been surrounded by death.
I don’t know if I will ever be able to “make it” it feels like the more I pressure myself the worse I feel. But if I don’t pressure myself I’ll be stuck in the same place.
I don’t wanna be 35 and not moved out atleast.
I don’t wanna be 40 childless with no husband and broke as hell.
I don’t wanna not travel the world.
I don’t wanna sit in the house all my life and not have fun ? Go to clubs bars dinners raves concerts.
I feel so tired and burnt out, so alone.
In this f*cking society we are tasked with having a status , a good job and good education and good money. You’re successful if you have this plus a family. A wife husband and kids.
I feel like in comparison to my peers I am SO behind. The way I imagine my life to be and the way it truly is IS SO different.
I’ve been dating and been through traumas with love and I’m terrified of dating again. So no husband or kids.
For some reason I have a stupid degree but not able to make it past 35K. This part bothers me the most. I see peers my age traveling buying houses and new cars and getting married and I’m still stuck at home and I can’t afford to move out. My social circle has dwindled.
What makes it worse is that I’m Indian and Indian culture has really brain washed me into being a perfectionist, I want everything to be perfect. Nothing in my life is perfect though.
I had a cousin related by marriage, they’re super well off anyways but she has a good job in New York with some fashion company. Super skinny. She’s single but dating someone and her instagram made me feel so jealous. She is ALWAYS traveling. I had to unfollow her because her IG made me feel so bad about my life.
I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I’m really stuck. I can’t seem to move forward at all. There’s so many areas of my life that I’m unhappy with (my body too because of lexapro I’ve gained 45lbs) I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been.
In some ways I’m scared of making the changes because sometimes i feel like I don’t deserve it and I’m stuck in this victim mindset.
In other ways I am getting really tired of being broke, not living my life, appeasing others. Being overweight. Not traveling. Not living life.
I was walking in a park where there was a train track. I watched unsolved mysteries about a girl who killed herself by walking in front of a train. I asked myself why the f*ck would anyone want to do that. It felt so strange walking up to the train tracks and trying to feel the way she did. I’ve thought about dying I’ve thought about my death. I’ve thought about my funeral. But my therapist says it’s because I’ve been surrounded by death.
I don’t know if I will ever be able to “make it” it feels like the more I pressure myself the worse I feel. But if I don’t pressure myself I’ll be stuck in the same place.
I don’t wanna be 35 and not moved out atleast.
I don’t wanna be 40 childless with no husband and broke as hell.
I don’t wanna not travel the world.
I don’t wanna sit in the house all my life and not have fun ? Go to clubs bars dinners raves concerts.
I feel so tired and burnt out, so alone.