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Are we ever able to suggest social get-togethers?

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Caligal22

New Here
Hello again,

I live in Metro Atlanta, GA. I feel so alone most days, even though I am married with two beautiful daughters. My husband would love to think that he is supportive, but he is only to a point. He wants to move back to CA and I would rather live on Saturn. His family of origin is troubled but at least he had a grandmother who he knew loved him and relationships with cousins who he felt accepted by. I just didn't. In my childhood, I was riddled with developmental difficulties - ADHD, learning challenges/impulsivity. There was horrible emotional and mental abuse - both from my mother and father as well as extended family members. My husband either swims in the river of denial or he has somehow been able to avoid the psychological landmines that I had scattered around my childhood, adolescence and early adulthood.

I know that I would be a good friend, but at 58 years of age, I just don't have any. I know that I am a kind and supportive person, but try as I might, I just cannot find anyone like that for myself.

Is it kosher to ask about possible meetups? It seems like so many of us share the same type of narrative. Maybe there is room for friendship?

Thanks for reading,

Caligal22
 
I had a horrible childhood. My saving grace all those years were my friends. I have a wonderful husband, but some things you want to talk with another woman about. Friends add such a lovely dimension to our lives. Do whatever you must to give yourself this gift.💜
 
I think the Constitution of this website sets these things out? I'm sure the mods will respond with those issues.

Sharing of personnel contact details on here, as much as I deeply deeply value my friendships on here, would never be something I would do. I share, and invest in my online friendships here, on the basis that I am totally anonymous and no one can track me down in real life.

But I think there are people on here that have relationships outside of this website. But I also think there are elements of the constitution of the website that limits discussions about those?
 
Mod Note:
This is definitely worth a read.

The forum no longer has facilities for members to have private conversations, or share details privately because it went very badly way too often.
 
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I know that I would be a good friend, but at 58 years of age, I just don't have any. I know that I am a kind and supportive person, but try as I might, I just cannot find anyone like that for myself.

Is it kosher to ask about possible meetups? It seems like so many of us share the same type of narrative. Maybe there is room for friendship?
The best way to work on making connections like the kind you're describing is by integrating more into your 3-D life.

For the mental health angle - NAMI is a great organization. Look up your local chapter, and find out if there are any groups that you'd feel comfortable going to.

I do understand that it's hard to put ourselves out there - but that's where the potential for friendship really lies. Not in here.

Friendships need to be rooted in something more than one's illness. And yeah, it's possible to start with the illness being the thing people have in common, and grow beyond that into something that exists in the non-illness headspace as well...but mental health problems are almost universally incredibly isolating. The disorder is creating the conditions that make it extremely hard to connect to other people. It's easy to think that the thing we have in common - the disorder - is somehow what defines us as individuals. It's not.

I'm going to quote myself, from the post that @Sideways linked.
Please, exercise situational awareness - stop and think - when considering making contact with any other member off of this platform. While you're here, you can choose to close the door on a forum friendship, and we can help with that if things involving another member start turning uncomfortable, or weird, or bad.

Once you've decided to share your personal contact information? You've invited a stranger into your actual, 3-D life.

And where did you meet them? On a mental health forum.

This is a mental health forum. It shouldn't need to be repeated, but I do think sometimes, it's easy to forget.

So - as much as you may feel you have an instant connection with someone, I strongly encourage you to keep that relationship rooted on-site. Preserve the buffer zone between the things you share here and the private life you lead. We're often far more vulnerable here than we are among the people we see every day, and there are good and useful reasons for that. This site exists so that can be possible. But it only works if you participate in maintaining the anonymity and separation that we are ALL looking to benefit from.
I promise you - and anyone else reading this - for every example of an organic, healthy off-forum friendship? There are three examples of ones that ended in issues with stalking (online and IRL), with persistent unwanted communications, and with people feeling afraid and angry and violated.

It's not worth it for a quick hit of connection. Challenge yourself to find that in your real world; it will help you balance yourself.

All I can do is advise; we don't control whether or not people share contact info. But please, take what I'm saying seriously.
 
I really do empathise with the notion of wanting to meet up with folks from here and thinking that we have so much in common. I’ve done it. A group meet years and years ago which went well. However I found myself embroiled with some ex-members who really did f*ck my head up way worse when I was already ill and it went badly. Trust me, as @joeylittle said; we are all members of a mental health forum. Even if we’re all nice and supportive and the ones that aren’t get kicked off pretty quickly; it’s a whole different ball game in real life.

And actually, it would be much healthier to make connections with others who are not, by definition of having PTSD; mentally and emotionally unwell.

I do get it though, apart from my colleagues and a select few safe family members I don’t really have any friends as such. It is hard.
 
I had a horrible childhood. My saving grace all those years were my friends. I have a wonderful husband, but some things you want to talk with another woman about. Friends add such a lovely dimension to our lives. Do whatever you must to give yourself this gift.💜
Agreed. Find friends, even if it's not the depth of friendship you most want.
 
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