Pushing therapist away? Maybe?

[LucyLou]

Although didn't go into what I'd originally wrote, We still went into some stuff....so I don't feel like it was a wasted session or anything. I just wish I could be more open about what I need to be speaking about, the things that pop up sometimes and the things that snowball and keep snowballing but I'm not sure how that's going to work. It's like, I know I need to do it but I also know how hard its going to be to do and it's that....that's what makes me feel like I don't want to do it anymore....It's the thing of "it's going to get worse, before it gets better" but can we not just skip that part and just go straight to feeling better?! If only.....If only there was a magic wand! I remember therapist saying something about how, with the other therapists, I pull away before it gets difficult and I don't know.....I think that's what might be going on here but I don't want to do that again with this therapist because I do really like her.

 

[Friday]

but I don't want to do that again with this therapist because I do really like her.

Then accept her influence, and see where that takes you.

You can always double back, and f*ck her, and whatever nonsense she was spouting.

 

[Rose White]

wish I could be more open about what I need to be speaking about, the things that pop up sometimes and the things that snowball and keep snowballing

This is a big part of the work. Being brave and saying it even when you don’t want to. Or? Being patient with yourself while the thoughts distill and bubble out. My T said, “If it needs to be said you’ll say it.” One tactic that many find useful is talking around a topic, honing in on it eventually.

but I don't want to do that again with this therapist

It’s good you can hold that in mind. I think there are plenty of people here who can relate. There’s something called “the dance of connection.” It’s a give and take, ebb and flow. Sometimes our child parts try to take over and demand total and constant perfection from the T and then will find any reason to prove the T is abandoning them. But the adult parts can often see that there’s more to the story.